My Best Friend, the Empress

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My best friend and I were transported to another world together.

She became the Empress, and I was her lady-in-waiting.

The Emperor adored her for three years, and for three years, she doted on me.

She said I couldn't be single for two lifetimes, so she arranged my marriage to the nation's top general, a man with an eight-pack, promising me a life of carnal bliss.

The reality? After a year of marriage, he hadn't touched me.

I went to the palace to cry on her shoulder. "That bastard is useless in bed! What do I need him for?"

She burst into tears right along with me.

"The royal physician says the Emperor is sterile! What do I need him for?"

Through our tears, our eyes met.

"I want a divorce," I said. "You?"

"If you're leaving, I'm leaving!"

And so, a great fire claimed the lives of the Empress and the General's wife.

A few months later, in a small border town, two beautiful, wealthy ladies appeared.

The maid woke me before the sun was up.

I, who usually slept until noon, forced myself out of bed, dressed with a heavy heart, and managed to rush out of the general's residence just as Benjamin Carter was stepping into his carriage.

"What are you doing here?"

Benjamin's voice was clipped with annoyance as he took in my breathless state.

His handsome, chiseled face was a mask of indifference, but his dark, piercing eyes betrayed his impatience.

"I need to go to the palace!" I explained hastily.

"It's been a while since I've seen the Empress. I wanted to visit her."

He frowned. "Do you have to go right this second?"

The way he said it made it sound like I was using the visit as an excuse to ride with him, as if I were some predator looking to devour him.

I pouted, mumbling under my breath, "Your carriage is the only one with silver-thread charcoal and a fox-fur blanket. It's warmer."

He paused, then finally moved aside to let me into the carriage for the journey to the palace.

Benjamin had always been cold and distant with me. I knew he looked down on me, a former palace maid, believing I was beneath him, a blemish on the honor of the great General Carter.

But after today, he wouldn't have to worry about that anymore.

Because my visit to the Empress was for one purpose: to get a divorce.

My best friend, Elizabeth, and I had been transported to this alternate historical reality together.

She became a powerful Empress from a noble family, exclusively favored by the Emperor for three years.

I became her handmaiden, living comfortably under her protection for those same three years.

She'd declared that after twenty years of being single in our past life, I deserved to experience a man in this one.

She raved about General Carter's physique, promising me he would deliver nights of earth-shattering pleasure.

I'd snuck a peek at him once at the training grounds.

The way his sweat-soaked tunic clung to his torso, outlining every single one of his eight abdominal muscles

I was hooked.

So, Elizabeth had bartered a red lace camisole I'd made for her to convince the Emperor to issue a royal decree of marriage.

But a year into our marriage, Benjamin Carter hadn't laid a finger on me.

He had court duties. He had troops to drill. He rose before the chickens and went to bed after the dogs.

I, on the other hand, needed fourteen hours of sleep a day.

He wasn't home when I went to sleep, and he was already gone when I woke up.

Even on the nights I forced myself to stay awake, waiting for him, he would just lie beside me, stiff as a board.

A few times, I'd mustered the courage to place a hand on his chest or wrap a leg around his waist, and he would instantly sit bolt upright.

"What do you think you're doing?!" he'd bark.

It made me feel like some villainess forcing herself on an innocent maiden, or a desperate, lonely widow. Overcome with shame, I eventually stopped trying.

Slowly, the household staff realized I was a wife in name only.

The quality of my food, my clothing, my general care it all began to slip.

The winter was harsh, and my already fragile health gave way to a high fever.

With the limited medical technology of the era, I was sick for a month.

During that entire time, Benjamin never once checked on me, let alone cared for me.

What was the point of staying with a man who didn't even see me as his wife?

I had made up my mind. Today, I was going to the palace to ask my best friend to help me divorce Benjamin Carter.

It had been a month since we'd last seen each other.

Elizabeth hugged me tightly, her heart aching for me as she cursed Benjamin's name.

"It took me three years to finally get some meat on your bones," she fumed. "Is the General's residence a monastery? How did you get so thin?"

I nodded. It might as well have been a monastery. And Benjamin was the celibate monk.

When I first arrived in this world, I wasn't Elizabeth's handmaiden.

I was a lowly servant in the palace gardens, rail-thin and weak.

One day, I was weeding under the scorching sun when I looked up and saw her standing before me, her eyes wide.

"Amelia?"

"Elizabeth!"

We shouted each other's Earth names, confirming what we both suspected, and burst into tears, hugging each other tightly.

To the astonishment of the other servants, Elizabeth took my filthy self back to her opulent chambers and spent the next three years fattening me up.

She told me later she'd thought some maid was squatting to take a dump in the royal garden and went over to see who was so bold. Turns out, it was me.

I told her she was even bolder, wanting to watch someone else poop.

She said it was because she missed the satisfying squat of a modern toilet, having to use a chamber pot since she became Empress.

I told her that as the Empress, building a squat toilet shouldn't be that hard.

A lightbulb went off in her head, and she had me draw up plans for one immediately.

My best friend was a beautiful idiot who knew nothing but well, bodily functions.

So, for three years, I used her power as a shield while I quietly navigated the treacherous court, eliminating dangers and obstacles for her.

It was because she was such an idiot that I rarely complained about my troubles at the General's residence.

I didn't want her to get involved and be accused of meddling in state affairs.

Besides, apart from being a lonely wife, life wasn't too bad.

But after my illness, my perspective had shifted.

"Elizabeth," I said, stopping her as she tried to stuff another pastry into my mouth.

"It's time for some real talk. My husband he's impotent. I was too embarrassed to tell you before. But I've had an epiphany. I want to divorce him. Can you help me?"

Elizabeth froze. Her eyes welled up, and she let out a loud sob.

I rushed to wipe her tears. "I'm the one getting a divorce, not you. Why are you crying?"

"I I have something to confess too," she choked out.

"The royal physician told me the Emperor was poisoned years ago he can't have children! I've wanted to leave him for ages!"

"You know my greatest wish is to have a baby. I used to get my fix by mothering you, but now that you're married and the damn Emperor is shooting blanks, I'm miserable!"

Elizabeth and I had grown up together. She was a stunning but naive woman, constantly being fooled by men.

One ex had even caused her to have a miscarriage, leaving her unable to conceive. Her greatest dream was to have a child of her own.

And me? I'd seen her cry over so many worthless men that I was convinced all men were trash. I'd never even tried to date.

And now, here we were in a new world. She still couldn't have a baby. And I still hadn't had a man.

"You're in line to inherit the throne," I tried to console her.

"Don't worry. Even if the Emperor can't produce an heir himself, he'll find a baby for you to raise."

"Just help me first. Help me divorce that useless husband of mine."

Elizabeth just kept crying. "But it wouldn't be my baby! He's good for three rounds a night, you know! How can he not make a baby?"

Her words just made me angrier.

The Emperor, a man who looked like a gentle scholar, could go three times a night, but Benjamin, with his rock-hard muscles, couldn't manage even once?

When she finally cried herself out, she wiped her tears and asked, "Are you absolutely sure you want a divorce?"

I nodded.

She gripped my hand. "If you leave, I'm leaving too!"

"You're the Empress," I reminded her. "It's not that easy to get a divorce."

"But I can die, can't I?"

Faking one's death to escape a miserable life was a classic trope in the novels we both loved. We were well-versed in the concept.

After confirming she was serious about leaving, I laid out my entire plan.

I would "die" first, and she would follow a few days later to avoid suspicion.

I told her to go to the Azure Cloud Temple to pray for me three days after my disappearance.

I reminded her to convert her jewelry into cash and gold for easier transport, suggesting hiding places for when she left the palace.

I even told her to bring something to prove her identity

She was giddy with excitement, talking about how she'd always wanted to see the world outside the palace.

She'd heard the border towns had spring-like weather all year round and were far from the capital

We chatted excitedly for hours.

It wasn't until a eunuch came to summon her for dinner with the Emperor that we realized the entire day had passed.

I said a hasty goodbye and rushed out of the palace just before the gates closed.

I was surprised to see the General's carriage still waiting.

I assumed the driver had dropped Benjamin off and come back for me.

But when I pulled back the curtain, I found Benjamin sitting inside.

He had been resting with his eyes closed, but the sound of my arrival made him open them.

The first thing he did was frown.

I had run all the way from the inner palace, and the cold wind had whipped my face raw.

A thin layer of sweat had broken out on my forehead, leaving my cheeks flushed and hot.

I figured my disheveled appearance must be an embarrassment to him, hence the displeasure.

"It's been a while since I saw the Empress, so we talked for a bit longer than expected.

I almost missed the gate closing," I explained, sitting down and trying to smooth my windblown hair.

"Mm," he grunted, adding more charcoal to the brazier.

After a moment of silence, he spoke again. "What did you and the Empress talk about? Did she ask you anything in particular?"

The Empress asked me if Benjamin's impotence meant he couldn't get it up at all, or if he was just a three-second man.

I obviously couldn't tell him the truth.

"Nothing much," I said vaguely. "She was just concerned about my health and had the royal kitchen make me some of my favorite foods."

"She thinks I've been mistreating you?"

His gaze fell on my noticeably thinner face. Before I could answer, he added, "You were sick for a month. It's no wonder she's worried."

I nodded.

Then his tone turned cold again. "You have only yourself to blame."

"What kind of wife goes to the palace every three days, more faithfully than a pilgrim visiting a shrine? The only reason you stopped was because you fell ill last month."

My best friend was a lovable idiot. If I didn't check on her frequently, what if she got bullied?

But faced with his criticism, I just lowered my head meekly.

"Yes, you're right. I was wrong. I won't do it again."

My submissive attitude clearly surprised him. Even with my head down, I could feel his intense gaze on me.

After all, on our wedding night, his first words to me had been, "Now that you've left the palace, you should cut ties with the one in it."

Before our marriage, there had been a series of "accidents" in the palace during the selection of new concubines.

One beauty drowned in a lake shortly after being favored by the Emperor. Another, praised for her singing, was poisoned and lost her voice

The frequent mishaps involving the Emperor's new favorites had all benefited Elizabeth. I knew Benjamin suspected that she and I were behind it all.

He wouldn't listen to my explanations. So I, in turn, refused to listen to his commands.

I continued my frequent palace visits, right up until I fell ill.

Perhaps my newfound obedience pleased him, or maybe he was just in a good mood today. He actually took my hand, which had been resting on my lap, and held it in his.

His large hand was warm, and his usually cold voice now had a touch of gentleness.

"Good. As long as you understand."

"The winter is harsh. For the sake of your health, you should stay away from the palace for the next few months."

I nodded. "Okay."

It won't just be the next few months, I thought. It'll be the next few decades.