I Am Done Collecting Trash

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I was just settling into bed, sliding my noise-canceling headphones on to drown out the world with some lo-fi beats, when the music cut out.

Instead of the soothing piano, a high, saccharine giggle bled through the speakers.

I told you she was faking that strawberry allergy, a girls voice whispered, thick with a performative shyness. "Did you hear her earlier? She wasn't exactly holding back."

"I timed you guys, by the way," a second voice chimed ina different girl, playful and sharp. "Two hours and twenty-three minutes. Honestly, Mr. Shaw, Im impressed. Youve got stamina."

The words hit me like a physical blow. My eyes snapped open, the darkness of the bedroom suddenly feeling claustrophobic.

My mind flashed to the kitchen trash can. Earlier this evening, Id seen a discarded carton of organic strawberriesa premium brand we never buy. When Id asked Beckett about it, hed hesitated for a fraction of a second before pulling me into his arms.

One of the guys from the firm dropped it off after drinks, hed murmured against my neck. You know how the junior associates arealways trying to kiss up with 'thoughtful' gifts they don't realize will kill my girlfriend. I told them to take it back, but they insisted. Ill toss it, babe. Don't worry about it.

Then hed kissed me. Hed kissed me until I stopped asking questions, until I felt guilty for even noticing. Id told myself that the corporate world was just like thatboozy, boundary-crossing, and full of tasteless jokes. I didn't want to be the "difficult" girlfriend.

Now, the lie tasted like ash.

The bathroom door creaked open. Beckett stepped out, steam clinging to his skin, a towel low on his hips. I watched him, my heart hammering against my ribs, and forced a jagged, cold smile.

"Since youre keeping a timer to spice things up," I said, my voice eerily steady, "why don't you just invite them over to 'enjoy' the show in person?"

...

The call disconnected with a sharp click.

Beckett froze, seeing me staring him down. He let the towel slip slightly, a smug, practiced look in his eyes. "You want another round, Gwen?"

"Doesn't your little fan club get jealous?" I gestured toward my headphones, my smile widening into something bitter. "The Bluetooth auto-synced to your phone again. I caught the tail end of the commentary."

The blood drained from his face. He scrambled for his phone on the nightstand, his thumb swiping frantically. The silence in the room became deafening.

I answered the question he was too afraid to ask.

"I heard everything. I heard how she left the strawberries out on purpose to see if Id react. And I heard her complimenting your... performance."

Becketts jaw tightened. The charming facade was cracking.

"Making an intern buy your condoms is cheap, Beckett," I spat. "At least have the decency to use your own credit card next time."

I turned to leave, but his hand clamped around my wrist.

"Shes just an assistant, Gwen. Shes a kid. She has a big mouth and a dark sense of humor." He was scrambling now, his voice dropping into that soothing tone he used for clients. "Its not what you think. We had a department dinner, played a round of Truth or Dare, and I lost. I couldn't exactly back out without looking like a stiff..."

The chill in my chest deepened. He wasn't even trying to give me a good lie.

"Whatever. There are a few boxes left in the nightstand. Don't let them go to waste."

"Gwen!" His grip tightened. "Are you really doing this? You can check my phone. I tell you everything. I give you a play-by-play of my entire day. You really have that little trust in me?"

I looked at himreally looked at him. I saw the fine lines creeping around his eyes. Wed been together for seven years. Seven years since Id quit my stable job back home to follow him to Seattle, to live on instant noodles in a cramped studio just so he could chase this version of himself.

I remembered the way he looked when he promised hed build us a life. Wed spent five years in the trenches together, and wed finally made it. My friends told me to be carefulthat men change when they finally get a taste of power. I thought he was the exception.

Looking at this bedroom now, I realized I was just the rule.

"Im tired," I said, pulling my arm away. "Im going to sleep."

I went to the closet to grab a spare blanket, but when I pulled the door open, I stopped. All our crisp white linens were gone. In their place was a stack of blankets in a garish, neon lime green.

I hate green. Ive always insisted on white. Beckett has mild red-green color blindness; he never buys anything in those shades.

"Spring is coming," he said from behind me, his voice thin. "I thought the place needed some color. Something... lively."

I didn't bother responding. I walked into the living room.

The minimalist sanctuary Id spent years curating was gone. There were plush stuffed animals on the sofa. Pink adhesive stars on the walls. Even my hand-woven rug had been replaced by a cheap, trendy cartoon-character mat.

No wonder hed covered my eyes when I walked in from my business trip earlier. Hed claimed it was a "surprise."

He hated clutter. He hated "cute."

My phone buzzed. An unknown number.

Hey, sorry! Its Lexi, Mr. Shaws assistant. That call was just a stupid dare, totally didn't mean anything. If I offended you, Im so, so sorry!

A second message followed immediately.

Mr. Shaw and I spent three whole days redecorating the place while you were gone. He said the apartment felt cold and depressing, like a museum. Doesn't it look so much brighter now? Please take the makeover as my apology gift! I just know youre going to love it.

Beckett stood in the doorway, watching me read. "Lexi was just trying to help, Gwen. Shes a sweet girl. She apologized. Don't be petty."

I dug my nails into my palms. My homethe one Id built with my own hands while he worked eighty-hour weekshad been gutted. And now, I was being told to be "the bigger person" in the face of a blatant territorial marking.

I started grabbing things. The stuffed animals, the stars, the rug. I threw them all into a pile by the door.

Beckett watched me, his expression shifting from guilt to a simmering, defensive rage. Finally, he grabbed his keys and slammed the door behind him.

I packed my bags. I didn't know how far theyd gone, but I knew I was done breathing this air. It tasted like rot.

At 5:00 AM, Beckett returned. He was carrying a bag of fresh donuts and expensive coffee.

"Its pouring outside, Gwen. Where do you think youre going?" He tried to take my suitcase, his voice casual, as if the last eight hours hadn't happened.

He set the donuts on the table. Back in the early days, this would have been a luxury. We used to share one cruller, laughing about how wed eat steak every night once he made partner.

Seeing him now, fumbling with the coffee cups, I felt a ghost of that old affection. But it was overshadowed by the realization that I didn't recognize the man in front of me.

"How long?" I asked, leaning against the back of a chair.

He nearly choked on his coffee. "I told you, it was a dare! Lexi and I are strictly professional. How much more drama are you going to milk out of this?"

"A month ago," I said, my voice flat. "I found a pair of boxers in the laundry that aren't yours. Then there were the DoorDash receipts for a pharmacyibuprofen and Midol delivered to your office, things you never take. And that air freshener in your car? Since when does a thirty-two-year-old man like the smell of 'Sugar Sparkle'?"

The room went silent. Beckett set his cup down with a deliberate thud. He stood up and stared at me for a long time.

"Youre leaving because of... errands?" His voice was thick with disappointment. "The firm is full of Gen Z kids, Gwen. I felt old. I wanted to fit in. Is it a crime to want to feel relevant at my own company?"

It was a pathetic excuse.

"You need to stop hanging out with your sister," he continued, his voice gaining strength as he shifted the blame. "Shes miserable in her own marriage, so she wants everyone else to be as paranoid as she is."

That did it. The heat flared up in my throat. "Leave my sister out of this! And have some goddamn dignity, Beckett!"

"I am doing this for us!" he roared, finally snapping. "I work myself to the bone so I can provide for you! Do you have any idea how many women throw themselves at me? And I turn them down! Every single one! What more do you want? Do you want to drive me into their arms? Is that the goal?"

A year ago, Beckett couldn't even win an argument with me without blushing. Ever since Lexi joined the firm, hed learned how to weaponize guilt.

"Did Lexi teach you that line, too?"

His flinch told me everything.

"I am done talking about her! Everyone at the office loves her. Shes bright, shes capable, and she has a hell of a lot more heart than you do right now!"

He didn't even notice the small, subconscious smirk playing on his lips. It was the same look he used to have when he introduced me to his friends.

The front door opened. A shivering, soaking wet Lexi stood in the entryway.

"Mr. Shaw... you forgot your jacket in my car."

So, there was a third person with the code to our apartment. My stomach turned.

I started to laugh. It was a jagged, hysterical sound. Beckett looked at me, ashamed for a second, but his body moved before his brain could catch up. He rushed to her, draping a towel over her head.

"Why did you come out in this? I could have picked it up later."

"I was just scared..." Lexi peeked at me from under the towel, her eyes wide and watery. "I was scared Gwen would misunderstand. I wanted to apologize again."

Beckett gave me a look. Don't make this harder than it has to be.

I didn't move.

Lexi twisted her fingers together. "Gwen, honestly, Beckett and I are just friends..."

I looked at the faint, purple mark on her neck she was tryingand failingto hide with the towel.

"Stop. I really don't care about the logistics of your hookups. Since you brought breakfast, consider it my housewarming gift to the new couple."

I walked out to the sound of her sobbing and his hushed comforts.

But the weather was brutal, and it was too early for an Uber to accept the fare. An hour later, Beckett came down to the lobby, supporting a trembling Lexi, who was now wearing one of my sweaters.

When he saw me still standing there, he actually chuckled. "I thought you were so 'done,' Gwen. Turns out youre just standing in the rain."

Lexi lunged toward me, grabbing my arm. "Gwen, please! Its all my fault. Don't leave because of me, Ill go, Ill quit..."

I tried to shake her off. She went down like a sack of bricks, collapsing onto the marble floor.

"Gwen!" Beckett screamed, rushing to her side.

Lexi moaned, shaking her head. "I can't get up... go to her, Beckett. Im fine, really..."

"Im taking you to the ER," Beckett said, lifting her into his arms without a backward glance.

Three hours later, my phone rang. I thought maybe hed realized shed faked the fall. Maybe he was calling to see if Id finally caught a ride.

"You are unbelievable," he barked the moment I picked up. "Lexi was trying to be kind, and you pushed her? Do you have any idea how hard shes crying right now? Youre going to come down here and apologize to her."

"Or what, Beckett?"

"Or you can see how far that 'freelance' income gets you on your own. Youve had it too good for too long, Gwen. Youve forgotten who actually pays for your life."

I hung up.

He was the one who had forgotten. Hed forgotten the girl who worked two jobs to pay his bar exam fees. Hed forgotten the girl who believed in him when he was nothing.

A week of silence followed. Then, a text from Beckett.

My parents are in town. Were doing dinner at the Grill. Youre not going to blow them off, are you?

He sent the location.

Everyone knows were supposed to get married this year. Please, Gwen. Just stop the theatrics and show up.

I thought about my own parents, how proud they were of my "successful" fianc. I thought about the messy divorces my friends were going through. I felt trapped.

I dressed up. I did my makeup in a way that made me look youngera desperate, subconscious attempt to compete.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I could hear the laughter from the private room. I pushed the door open. Lexi was sitting right between Beckett and his mother, her mouth moving a mile a minute.

I froze in the doorway. Lexi scrambled to her feet.

"Gwen! I was shadowing Beckett for a client meeting today, and his parents were so sweet, they insisted I join. You don't mind, do you?"

Becketts mother smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. "Gwen is always so sensible. She knows youre Becketts right hand. She wouldn't dream of being petty."

If I caused a scene now, I was the villain.

"Sit," Beckett said, pulling out a chair. "We were just waiting for you."

The waiter brought a dessert platter. Lexi expertly picked up a chocolate truffle and fed it to Beckett. Hes always hated sweets, but he ate it without a word.

Seeing my expression, Lexi chirped, "Oh, don't mind us! Becketts been so stressed with the merger, he keeps skipping meals. I make sure he gets some sugar for energy during the day."

Becketts mother nodded approvingly. "A good assistant thinks of everything. Honestly, Beckett, shes a treasure." She glanced at me. "Some people are about to join this family and still haven't learned how to take care of a household. Being an 'illustrator' is all well and good, but you can't eat a drawing. You should take notes from Lexi on how to actually support my son."

She conveniently forgot the five years I spent bankrolling his life with my "drawings."

I looked at Beckett. He stayed silent. Maybe he agreed. Maybe he just wanted to punish me.

"Its fine, Mrs. Shaw," Lexi said, her voice dripping with fake humility. "Ill make sure hes taken care of. You don't have to worry about a thing."

She leaned in, her eyes sparkling. "You don't mind, right, Gwen?"

"Of course not," I said, my voice hollow.

Lexi beamed. She grabbed a water glass to toast me. "To the happy couple!"

Predictably, her hand "slipped." Half a glass of ice water splashed directly into my face.

She jumped up, dabbing at me frantically with a napkin, smearing my mascara across my cheeks.

"Oh my god, Gwen! Your skin is so clear without the makeup! We should take a selfie!"

Before I could react, her phone was up. The flash blinded me. I knew what the photo looked like: me, disheveled and aging, next to her, glowing and youthful.

I swiped the phone out of her hand.

Beckett immediately pulled her toward him, scowling at me. He noticed the water had made my blouse transparent. He started to take off his blazer, but Lexi let out a tiny, theatrical sneeze.

"Im so cold," she whispered.

The blazer that was meant for me redirected to her shoulders.

"Don't start," Beckett warned me. "Lexi has to travel with me for a conference tomorrow. She can't get sick."

I stared at him. "Beckett, was the point of this dinner to show me how much your parents prefer your mistress?"

Becketts face turned purple. "Gwen, enough! My parents are right here! Why are you always attacking her? Shes done nothing but try to be your friend!"

Lexi started to sob. "Its my fault. I shouldn't have come. Ill go..."

I stood up. "No. You stay. Im done."

I looked at Becketts parents. "The wedding is off."