From Substitute Lover To Finding My Own Identity

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After ten years together, my girlfriend finally said yes to my proposal.

I was over the moon, and at the engagement party I had carefully planned, I drank way too much!

My usually gentle girlfriend seemed like a totally different person that night.

She yelled at me for having no manners, called me a drunk, and kicked me out of the Uber on the way home, leaving me stranded and wasted!

I pushed through the headache and walked alone for three hours through the late-night streets.

As I got home, I saw her naked, in our bed, hugging her equally naked ex-boyfriend and pouring her heart out.

"I regret getting engaged. If you just come back to me, I'll call off the wedding for you!"

Watching her confess to her ex, I suddenly felt regret too!

To let them stay together, I ran away on our wedding day.

No one expected that after I fled, that proud woman would go crazy searching for me.

I stumbled back to my place, drunk off my feet.

Through the window, I saw it.

My fiance was in bed, holding her naked ex-boyfriend, talking intimately.

Right then, they were locked in a tight embrace, kissing.

I kicked off the dress shoes at my feet.

These shoes were a gift from Sophia for our engagement today.

I'd always loved any present she gave me.

But these shoes weren't my size. Walking home, they tore up my feet until they were bleeding.

So now, I'd rather walk barefoot than putting them on again.

I heard Sophia saying to her ex,

"I really regret getting engaged. If you come back to me, I'll call off the wedding for you!"

Watching her confess to her ex, I suddenly felt regret too!

I dialed a number I knew by heart but rarely called.

"Dad, I'm done being stubborn. I'm not getting married. I want to come to you now."

Dad was quiet for a second, then said,

"Okay, my son. We might not talk much, but I've been waiting for this call."

"I'm getting old. I've been waiting for you to come back."

"This family business will be yours eventually. Coming back early lets you settle in sooner."

I choked up and muttered, "Yeah."

Then I heard a sigh from his end, "I thought Sophia was different..."

"Alex, don't cry. A man's world isn't just about marriage and kids."

"You can have your own career. I'll be here when you get home."

Before tonight, I thought Sophia was different too.

She was a strong, successful woman who kept to herself and stayed distant from all other guys except me.

Even after we made it big, there were never any scandals.

Until tonight, at the engagement party I put my heart into, she saw her ex-boyfriend Daniel who crashed into the party.

For the first time, she got so worked up she shattered a glass.

For the first time, she blew up at me over drinking and ditched me on the side of the road.

If Sophia had seen someone else, I might've written it off as a misunderstanding.

I would've given her another chance.

I would've been willing to spend another ten or twenty years by her side, not asking anything.

But the naked guy in the room had to be Daniel!

The Daniel who bullied me for over twenty years since we were kids!

The Daniel who stole everything from me.

I could never forgive that bastard!

The moment I saw Sophia bring Daniel home to sleep, I wrote her off for good!

But I didn't know why, I couldn't stop myself from checking the home security feed.

On the camera, Daniel was wearing my pajamas, lounging in our wedding suite.

Sophia, who never lifted a finger around the house, was in the kitchen making soup for him.

Daniel walked up and hugged her from behind.

"He's just a placeholder, and you're actually marrying him?"

Sophia didn't answer, just turned and knelt to rub his feet.

"I know you did all this to get back at me. Even the engagement party was just to force me out."

"You never got over me."

"This whole bedroom is done up my way. The wedding ring is my style. The cake had our initials"

"And even the shoes he's wearing were a gift I tossed."

Then Daniel pressed his foot against Sophia's chest.

"You've always loved me."

Sophia stayed quiet.

A moment later, she flung herself into Daniel's arms.

With a fiery kiss, she poured out all her love.

Seeing that, I broke down crying.

I thought about our ten years. Every time I tried to kiss her, she'd coldly turn away.

I figured she was just shy.

Turns out, she saved all that passion for Daniel.

For a decade, we shared a bed and made love.

But in her heart, she was saving her heart for her ex.

I took a deep breath and got ready to walk away from this messed-up home.

But Sophia had somehow come downstairs and called me from behind.

When I turned to look at her, she quickly let go of Daniel's hand.

"Daniel had too much to drink tonight."

"He's your brother, and I was worried about him getting home safe alone, so I brought him here."

"He's a decent guy who knows boundaries, and he didn't want you to misunderstand, so he insisted on leaving."

Sophia was usually quiet, but now she couldn't stop talking when it came to Daniel.

And her every word was defending him.

I looked at her and felt like I was seeing a stranger.

I was the one who grew up with her.

I was the one who stood by her, building our lives together for ten years as her fianc.

How did I end up as the stand-in?

I fought back the hurt and took a deep breath.

"He's not my brother. He's just the son of a homewrecker!"

Hearing that, Sophia lost it.

"Alex! How could you say something so cruel to Daniel? Apologize to him right now!"

"No wonder your parents abandoned you as a kid, no wonder nobody likes you."

"Your nasty attitude is disgusting, and you deserve to be unloved!"

As if scared I'd hurt Daniel, she shoved me to the curb and shielded him.

That protective stance reminded me of a younger version of her.

Way back when we were kids, Sophia used to stand up for me like that.

Back then, my mom had an affair, got pregnant with another man's child, and forced Dad to divorce.

Dad left angry to start a business overseas, and I became the leftover kid.

Whenever Sophia heard my mom and Daniel bullying me next door, she'd rush over and get between us.

"Alex, you're the best person in the world, and even if nobody else loves you, I'll always love you forever." She'd say.

I'd held onto those words all these years.

I worked hard, built a career, escaped my messed-up family, and wanted to start a happy life with her.

But whenever I brought it up, she'd just frown.

"That was just kid talk. I didn't mean it."

And now, with Daniel back, she won't even give me that excuse.

She just hit me with "You deserve to be unloved!" right where it hurt most.

I turned away, not wanting to look at her.

But my eyes got red anyway.

Sophia's eyes wavered a bit.

Maybe she realized she'd gone too far, or she noticed my bloody feet.

She sighed, "Let's just say you were drunk and rambling tonight, and from now on..."

"There won't be a 'from now on' for us," I said flatly.

"What?"

She was about to ask more when Daniel ran off crying.

She forgot all about me at once and chased after him in a panic.

In her rush, she dropped her star necklace from her pocket without noticing.

I picked it up, remembering the small star tattoo on Daniel's chest.

All the little things I'd ignored suddenly clicked.

The whole ten-year love story was just me fooling myself.

I wouldn't cling to a woman who wasn't worth it.

Back at my place, I got a text from Dad.

He'd already booked me a flight out.

It was set for two weeks later, right on our wedding day.

The wedding countdown in the living room now became my departure timer.

I laughed bitterly and tossed all the wedding decorations and couple stuff.

I would use these last two weeks.

To say goodbye to everything in my past.

The next morning, Sophia's call woke me up.

"Alex, you awake? I ordered your favorite pancakes."

"I won't be back tonight, something came up at work. Let's reschedule the wedding photos."

"Don't dwell on last night. I apologized to Daniel for you."

"Okay."

Sophia seemed thrown by how easily I agreed.

She awkwardly added, "The wedding's just a formality."

"Our relationship is solid. We don't need a big wedding or photos to prove it. Let's keep it simple."

"Okay."

Sure. Keep it simple.

No marriage certificate, no wedding photos, no vows, and no groom.

After hanging up, I crossed off "take wedding photos" on the calendar with a marker.

Sophia was always busy with work, rarely having time for me.

So, I wrote down all my wishes on the calendar.

I'd hoped to tick them all off around the wedding.

But one by one, they got marked with an "X".

I stopped thinking about Sophia-related stuff.

That morning, I quit the company we built together and met up with close friends to say goodbye.

Over the next few days, I contacted my Seattle pals, telling them the wedding was off.

"We kinda saw it coming..."

A friend showed me Sophia's Instagram.

"Lately, Sophia's been with Daniel non-stop."

"People who don't know better think it's you in her posts, but we can tell."

Sophia, who never posted a single pic of me, now had her feed full of Daniel.

They went to amusement parks, tried on tuxes at bridal shops, drank by the beach at sunrise.

Her love for Daniel was out in the open.

Except that she blocked me.

My friend looked worried.

"Alex, don't take it too hard. Daniel's not fit to lick your boots. If Sophia knew his true colors, she'd regret it big time."

"It's fine. I'm over it already."

Five more days, and I'd leave Seattle for good.

I didn't have time to grieve for Sophia.

So, when I got home that day,

And found Sophia, who hadn't been back in days, waiting for me,

I didn't even react.

She kept texting on her phone, glancing around my place.

"Why's it so empty? Didn't you set up the wedding party decorations?"

"You said keep it simple."

Sophia went quiet, her eyes landing on the countdown at "7".

"Time flies. One more week to the wedding."

I tore off two pages of the countdown calendar. "No. Our wedding is in five days."

The crossed-off wishes on those pages were:

"Ride the Ferris wheel together" and "Watch the sunrise and sunset together."

But Sophia would never notice anything about me.

Just then, Dad called. I stepped onto the balcony to chat briefly.

When I came back, Sophia was still on her phone.

"What was that? I heard something about visas and luggage?"

"Nothing, just work stuff."

"Okay, and don't plan any honeymoon. I'm swamped, don't want to go."

"I know."

With Daniel back, she couldn't bear to be apart from him.

The mood was awkward, so I handed Sophia the star necklace.

Her eyes lit up.

"You took my necklace! Do you know how long I've been looking for it?"

"I saw your missing item post online."

Ten grand for an old star necklace.

Our whole wedding cost only twenty grand.

I looked at her and suddenly asked, "Where's your wedding ring?"

She paused, then looked at her bare finger.

"Must've lost it somewhere..."

Just then, her phone buzzed with a text.

Daniel's special ringtone.

She glanced at it, instantly stood up, and kissed my forehead.

"Sorry, honey, work's been insane lately, just handle the wedding stuff, okay?"

"After this busy patch, I promise I'll make you the happiest man alive."

Quiet Sophia suddenly got sweet.

In the past, that would've melted me.

I would've thought I'd warmed her cold heart.

But now, I just wiped my forehead and went about my business.

Time passed quickly.

Soon it was the day before the wedding.

The calendar wish was "Have a family dinner with all my loved ones."

It was my biggest dream for over twenty years.

But I knew it'd never happen.

Dad won't forgive Mom's affair.

I won't forgive Sophia's betrayal.

That day, I rode the Ferris wheel alone and caught the sunset from the top.

The sunset glow covered Seattle, where I grew up, and all my memories seemed to fade into the light.

Meanwhile, Daniel posted a new update.

The whole family was having dinner together.

My cheating mom was smiling as Sophia served her food.

Caption: "Meeting the parents to finalize wedding details."

I didn't get mad, just found it funny.

Whose wedding?

Mine?

Or Daniel's?

I was about to block Daniel, and I thought about texting Sophia something.

But my finger hovered. No words came out.

Later, Sophia called me.

"Where are you? Where'd you go? Why aren't you home?"

"Send me your location, I miss you."

Sophia came to me fast.

When I got in her car, I noticed a new pillow in the passenger seat.

Moving it aside, I saw an open box of condoms.

I hesitated, then sat in the back.

Sophia was glued to her phone, not noticing my movement at all.

She said casually, "Why the amusement park? You've done with wedding prep?"

"Pretty much."

"I remember you always wanted to ride the Ferris wheel. When I have time, we'll do it right."

"I didn't mean to bother you today, Alex. But my mom wants to see you."

To Sophia, the wedding was my job.

She only thought of me when she needed something.

I didn't answer. My eyes stung, especially in the wind.

They'd had dinner at my mom's place. Only cold leftovers remained when I arrived.

Mom was chatting with Mr. Stevens.

Mrs. Stevens warmly took my hand.

"Alex, I really like you. Even if you don't earn much, you're simple and reliable, not like those players."

She glanced at Daniel as she said it.

"Sure, Sophia could do better, but I've told her to appreciate what she has. Not every man's willing to take her name."

"But you're not getting younger. After the wedding, quit your job, have kids early, and focus on taking care of Sophia at home."

I nodded vaguely.

Sophia brought out the groom and best man suits for us to try.

"Figured you were busy, so I had Daniel pick them. His taste is better anyway."

The yellowed second-hand suit foor me had a big tear.

Meanwhile, Daniel in his white custom tux looked more like the groom.

Sophia got flustered.

"The store must've messed up. It's not Daniel's fault."

"But it's too late to exchange now. I'll figure something out tomorrow."

"Whatever."

I calmly took off the jacket.

Daniel suggested a group photo.

He jostled me to the edge, standing next to Sophia himself.

As the shutter clicked, he tripped me.

The photo came out with just a blurry figure of me.

Sophia said to retake it.

I smiled, "Maybe another time. It's late."

The wish for a group photo was already crossed off.

Daniel teared up, saying sorry.

"Alex, don't be mad at Sophia. I'll run all over town tonight to find you a decent suit."

Then he ran off crying.

Sophia glared at me and chased after him.

I just left, carrying the ragged suit.

Tomorrow, it would all be over.