Roses Fell, Our Youth Left

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During the most flamboyant years of our youth, Karl paraded around holding his first love's hand for everyone to see.

But when he finally got together with me, we kept our relationship a total secret.

I genuinely thought he had just matured.

Until the night of his birthday party. I overheard him talking on the phone to his first love.

"Lily, if you don't come back right now, I am going to marry someone else."

There was a heavy pause on the other end of the line.

"Pick me up at the airport tomorrow afternoon."

The entire room erupted into cheers and whistling.

I quietly tucked the engagement ring and my positive pregnancy test back into my bag and pushed the door open.

The cheering instantly died down. I looked at Karl and offered a bright smile.

"Congratulations."

The room slowly returned to its lively atmosphere, but Karls face had darkened completely.

Karl drank an insane amount of alcohol that night. When we finally got home, he kept me awake until the early hours of the morning.

At the absolute peak of it all, he covered my mouth with his hand to keep me quiet, bit down hard on my earlobe, and viciously whispered, "Congratulations."

It was as if those two words had deeply offended him.

The next morning, he made breakfast acting like absolutely nothing had happened. He slid a porcelain plate across the counter toward me and casually asked if I had any plans for the afternoon.

"I have a check-up at the hospital. Do you want to come with me?"

He stared straight into my eyes, a cryptic smile playing on his lips. "I have to pick someone up at the airport. Didn't you hear me say that last night?"

I nodded, instantly losing all interest in continuing the conversation.

He changed his clothes and walked toward the door. Just before he left, he turned back to look at me.

"Wait for me at the hospital. I will come pick you up after I leave the airport."

The morning sunlight filtered through the blinds, casting a soft glow across the side of his face. His long eyelashes cast shadows over his light brown eyes.

Every single feature on his face looked as if he were God's absolute favorite creation.

I suppose being hopelessly blinded by a face like that was a somewhat acceptable excuse.

I was just trying to justify my own stupidity.

But I had finally hit a brick wall. It was time to turn around.

"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? Twins are incredibly rare. I highly recommend discussing this with the father first. We are going to need his signature on the paperwork anyway."

The doctor looked at my ultrasound results, her voice heavy with deep regret.

I stood in the hallway outside the clinic, my hand resting softly against my lower abdomen. After zoning out for a long time, I finally dialed Karls number.

"Hello..."

The second the call connected, there was a loud rustling noise, like someone was fighting for the phone.

"Hey! Why are you answering a call from an unsaved number? Are you trying to dodge my question? Listen here, whoever is on the phone! Karl's entire afternoon belongs to me. Nobody is taking him away!"

Lilys sweet, playful voice echoed clearly through the speaker.

"Stop messing around!"

Karls voice sounded helpless, but there was an unmistakable layer of indulgence in his tone.

After another burst of rustling noises, the call disconnected.

I stared at the black screen of my phone for a very long time. I stared until my eyes physically burned, but the screen never lit up again.

I let out a bitter, self-deprecating laugh, wiped away my tears, and stopped hesitating. I booked the surgical abortion and formally submitted my application for the company's long-term deployment to South America.

The sharp, sterile smell of the hospital was giving me a massive headache. I called an Uber, went straight home, pulled the covers over my head, and slept.

I woke up in a haze to the sound of my ringtone blaring. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. I had dozens of missed calls. Every single one was from Karl.

Suddenly, my bedroom door violently slammed open. I jumped out of my skin.

Karl was standing in the doorway, his face stark white, chest heaving as he gasped for air. He instantly started screaming at me. "Why didn't you answer your phone?! Why didn't you wait for me?! I was about to call the police!"

Karl had the kind of face that naturally looked a bit intimidating, but he almost never lost his temper.

This was the first time I had ever seen him lose control and shout like this.

I pressed my lips together. "I fell asleep. Did you pick up your person?"

He didn't answer. He braced both hands against the edge of the mattress, taking a few deep breaths to steady himself.

"Why didn't you wait for me?"

I could smell a faint, unfamiliar perfume clinging to his clothes. A heavy ache settled in my chest. "I didn't want to wait anymore."

Karl didn't move an inch. His dark eyes remained locked onto me, demanding an explanation.

He could completely ignore my questions.

But he expected me to answer his with absolute transparency.

A sudden, overwhelming wave of exhaustion and grievance washed over me. The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them. "I don't want to do this anymore. Let's break up."

Karl let out a dismissive scoff, reaching out to lightly pinch my cheek. "Are you still sleep-drunk?"

He straightened his back, shrugged off his jacket, casually tossed it onto the bed next to me, and walked out toward the kitchen.

Karl played basketball regularly. He had broad shoulders and a narrow waist.

I leaned against the doorframe, watching his back as he moved around the kitchen. My mind involuntarily drifted back to what he looked like when we were teenagers.

My parents used to work crazy hours and were never home, so I would constantly go over to his house to steal food. One day, his parents weren't home either.

He had been in the middle of opening a cup of instant ramen. When he saw me practically drooling, he let out a dramatic sigh of defeat, opened the fridge, and pulled out tomatoes and eggs.

He had been tall and lean back then. His movements in the kitchen had been clumsy. He dropped pieces of eggshell into the pan and carefully tried to fish them out with the tip of his chopsticks.

Even back then, Karl had been incredibly popular at school. He received love letters on a daily basis.

Watching the boy that every girl in school obsessed over cooking a meal just for me...

A secret, foolish sense of vanity had bloomed in my chest.

I couldn't help but wish he would only ever cook for me for the rest of his life.

The very next day, the rumors of his relationship with Lily spread like wildfire.

He held her hand and walked through the crowded hallways, entirely unfazed by the countless eyes staring at them.

The image of their intertwined fingers still made my eyes sting, even just as a memory.

That was a level of public devotion I had never experienced.

Karl made my absolute favorite dishspicy garlic shredded pork. I took one bite and immediately started dry heaving.

Karl furrowed his brow. "Sarah, did you get your period this month?"

"Yeah."

I answered instantly, without a single second of hesitation.

Watching his brow relax, I couldn't resist testing the waters one last time. "Would you ever marry someone just because they got pregnant?"

The corner of his mouth curled upward. "No."

He reached over and ruffled my hair. "Don't go getting any crazy ideas. A baby doesn't trap a man."

My hand trembled. Half the soup in my spoon spilled back into the bowl.

Karl took the spoon from my hand and served me a fresh bowl. "Why did you say you wanted to break up earlier?"

I kept my head down, sipping the soup to hide my red eyes. "I regret doing this."

"It's good timing anyway. Lily is back, and nobody knew about us in the first place."

The second I mentioned Lily's name, his eyes darkened.

"Let's just end it here, Karl."

I hadn't called him simply by his first name like that in years. Not since the day I realized I was hopelessly in love with him.

It was the first time he had heard me say it like that. He froze for a long time before reaching out to lightly flick my forehead.

"Think you're a grown woman now? You used to call me 'Karl baby.'"

His thin lips curved into a lazy, intoxicating smile. My heart automatically beat a little faster.

I rubbed my forehead. It didn't hurt, but my skin felt a little numb.

"You regret getting together with me?"

I nodded, absolutely refusing to look him in the eyes.

He let out a long, heavy exhale. "Fine!"

He stood up, grabbed his jacket, and turned back to look at me one last time. "Sarah, never use a breakup as a threat against a man."

The front door clicked shut. A tear fell silently into my soup.

I genuinely did regret it. I never should have dated him.

If we hadn't crossed that line, I could have used our childhood history to remain the girl next door he always looked out for.

When I got sick, he would cancel his plans to take me to the doctor.

When he went on trips, he would wait in massive lines just to buy me limited-edition gifts.

When we eventually started our own families, we would have naturally drifted apart, turning into old friends who only saw each other during the holidays.

We would have laughed about our childhood memories and lived happily ever after.

Instead of living like this. Hiding a secret relationship in the dark. Forcing ourselves to act like totally normal friends whenever we were in public, no matter how awkward it felt.

Could I truly stand by and watch him marry someone else and start a family while acting like nothing happened?

I didn't think I could.

Just the thought of it made it physically difficult to breathe.

A notification popped up in my inbox. My deployment application had been approved.

Five years. That would be enough time.

After that day, Karl and I never saw each other again. We completely stopped talking.

Karl wasn't the kind of guy who would ever lower his pride to coax a woman. He was used to women revolving around his orbit.

He had poured every last drop of his passionate, burning love into his infamous first relationship.

Everything he had left over was cold, rational, and detached.

Every now and then, a post from Lily would pop up on my social media feed.

Things change, but I am so glad you are still here.

The photos attached always featured a subtle glimpse of someone's sleeve or a masculine arm.

I stopped looking at my feed. I drowned myself in my work, finishing up my final projects and handing over my accounts as I prepared to leave the country.

That was until Lily created a massive group chat, saying she wanted to get the old high school crew back together for a reunion dinner.

Everyone in the chat started tagging Karl, spamming the group with wedding ring emojis.

My best friend, Chloe, joined in on the joke. I didn't want to look like the bitter outcast, so I sent a laughing emoji too.

Karl, who hadn't said a single word in the chat, immediately replied with a question mark.

Chloe texted me privately:

Karl is being so dramatic! He is probably grinning like an idiot right now! Come on, let's go watch this tragic romance finally get its happy ending.

When we arrived at the restaurant, Karl was standing right next to Lily, greeting everyone as they walked in.

One of our classmates had brought her little girl along. The kid instantly took a liking to Karl and threw herself into his arms.

He held the little girl with one arm while using his free hand to pull Lily out of the way of a passing waiter. They looked like the absolute picture-perfect family. Even random strangers in the restaurant were turning their heads to look at them.

Chloe tugged on my sleeve and whispered, "They are so perfect for each other!"

I lowered my eyes and forced a smile onto my face.

They had always been perfect for each other.

Back in the day, if you checked the high school message boards, the most popular couple in the entire school had always been Karl and Lily.

At the dinner table, Karl patiently spoon-fed the little girl sitting on his lap.

"Karl looks like a natural dad! Stop wasting time, you two! Just get back together, get married, and have one of your own!"

The entire table turned to look at Lily. Her face immediately flushed a deep shade of crimson.

A sharp, heavy ache suddenly pulled at my lower abdomen. I set a fake alarm on my phone and practically sprinted out of the room.

The night air on the outdoor terrace was freezing. I leaned against the railing, letting out a long, shaky breath. Suddenly, a warm body pressed against my back.

I spun around. Karl trapped me against the railing, his arms wrapping tightly around me. I shoved against his chest, but he didn't budge an inch.

"Karl!"

I could feel his chest vibrate against my palms as he let out a low chuckle. "Not calling me 'Karl baby' anymore?"

Before I could say anything else, he grabbed my chin, tilted my head up, and kissed me hard. The bitter, burning taste of alcohol flooded my mouth.

He had always known exactly how to manipulate people. And I had shown him my entire hand on day one.

"Sarah, let's have a baby."

He was just saying things on a drunken whim, but my heart skipped three beats anyway. The question slipped out before I could stop it. "Are we going to make our relationship public?"

The smirk on his lips grew wider. "Of course. But not today. Lily's family is going through some drama right now. Once that blows over, we..."

"I don't want to wait anymore, Karl."

Even now. Even when we were talking about our own future and a potential child, we still had to step aside and make room for Lily's feelings.

The bitter taste of the alcohol on my tongue seeped straight into my heart. If I could never win against her, then I didn't want to compete anymore.

I pushed him away and started walking back inside.

"Sarah!" Karls voice was laced with anger. He reached out to grab my arm, but I dodged his hand.

This time, I didn't look back.

When I got back to the table, people started teasing me, asking if I had run away to avoid taking shots. They poured me a penalty drink.

After a few glasses of wine, the fake smile on my face finally felt natural. Across the table, Lily raised her glass toward me, flashing a deeply meaningful smile.

By the end of the night, almost everyone was completely wasted.

I was still mostly sober, though my legs felt a little unsteady.

Lily wasn't doing much better than me.

I sat in the back of an Uber, watching Karl support Lily's staggering weight as he walked her up to her apartment building.

Right under the streetlamp, Lily suddenly stopped walking. Karl looked down at her. She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him dead on the lips.

The scene looked as beautiful as a shot from a romantic movie.

An indescribable, agonizing pain pierced my chest. My vision began to blur.

I felt like I had been transported back to senior year study hall.

I had sneaked out to the courtyard to get some fresh air, only to find Karl and Lily making out against a wall covered in blooming roses.

The aggressive, possessive way Karl had kissed her made me realize for the very first time that he wasn't just a boy anymore.

All those selfish, reliant, and vain thoughts I had harbored for him suddenly melted away into a quiet, heavy rain inside my heart.

It took me entirely too long to realize that what I was feeling was love.

After that day, I kept having the exact same dream. I was standing under a trellis of roses, kissing a man. The man's face slowly came into focus. It was Karl.

The dream felt so shameful I couldn't even bring myself to tell Chloe about it.

Meanwhile, Karl and Lily's relationship was iconic. They were both incredibly smart and ridiculously attractive. The entire student body gossiped about them, and even the teachers looked the other way.

He created a dedicated photo album for her on his social media. He wrote long posts cataloging her favorite things. They wore matching outfits to school...

I started actively avoiding Karl. I felt like a thief who had fallen into a trap, trapped inside a dream I had no right to be in.

Eventually, Lily went overseas for college, and they broke up.

At a party years later, Karl got incredibly drunk and refused to let go of my hand.

"Sarah, do you have feelings for me?"

The secret I had buried deep in my heart for years was casually ripped open by a drunk man.

For the very first time, I gathered all my courage and nodded.

"Do you want to date me?"

Getting exactly what you have always wanted is the greatest temptation on earth. I nodded almost immediately.

The drunk man leaned in and kissed me.

It turned out that my first kiss tasted incredibly bitter.

The car door suddenly ripped open. A blast of freezing wind rushed into the backseat, snapping me back to reality.

Karl leaned in and kissed the corner of my mouth. A wave of intense nausea hit my stomach. I pushed the door open and violently threw up onto the pavement.

Karl patted my back, his voice completely flat. "You saw that? Lily was just drunk. Don't make a big deal out of it. Honestly, I..."

Don't make a big deal out of it.

Wait until later.

Those were the phrases I had heard the most during our entire relationship. Whenever someone brought up his history with Lily, I wasn't allowed to make a big deal out of it.

We couldn't hold hands, hug, or kiss in public.

Whenever we went out with friends, people would constantly try to set him up with other girls. He would play along out of "politeness," occasionally throwing me a reassuring glance from across the room.

The tears wouldn't stop falling. I violently slapped his hand away from my back.

"Stop talking. I don't want to hear it. We are already broken up, Karl. Just let me go."

Karls face blurred in the shadows of the streetlamp until my entire world faded to black.

Before I lost consciousness, I thought I heard a freezing, detached "Fine."

The handover for my domestic projects was almost complete. I was still trying to figure out how to break the news of my relocation to my parents.

My mom called me, her voice practically bubbling with joy. She said Aunt Mary had invited us over for dinner because Karl was finally bringing his girlfriend home to meet the families.

"Sarah, you knew about this already, didn't you? I heard it's that same girl he used to date back in high school. You young people are so dramatic..."

The glass in my hand slipped, shattering into pieces on the kitchen floor.

It was a custom souvenir from my dad's company. There had been two in the set. One for me, and one for Karl.

It felt like a sign. A reminder that it was time to cut ties with the past.

I told my mom I had an emergency at work and couldn't make it to the dinner.

The truth was, it was time for my surgical appointment.

The idea of going into the operating room alone terrified me, so I called Chloe to come with me.

She didn't ask a single question. She ditched work immediately. The second she saw me, she grabbed my shoulders and started screaming in a panic.

"Sarah, have you lost your damn mind?! You are making massive life decisions in total silence! Who the hell is the guy?! Is he just refusing to take any responsibility?!"

"He doesn't know. I never planned on telling him."

Chloe spent the next ten minutes screaming at me for being a brain-dead romantic while walking me through the pre-op bloodwork.

But as we walked into the main lobby, we ran into two very familiar faces.

Lily had a bandage wrapped around her forehead. Karl had his arm tightly wrapped around her waist, supporting her weight.

The second he saw us, he froze. His brow furrowed deeply as his eyes swept over me from head to toe.

"What are you doing here?"

Chloe immediately threw her head onto my shoulder, acting incredibly weak and exhausted.

"It's a women's health issue. Mind your own business."

Karl whispered something to Lily, then suddenly took massive strides toward me. He reached out, aggressively trying to snatch the medical chart out of my hands.

Chloe slammed her hand down on his wrist, physically blocking him. "What the hell are you doing, Karl?! This is my private medical information! Back off!"

As they were struggling over the paperwork, Lily let out a sharp gasp of "Karl!" and collapsed onto the tile floor.

Karl shot me one last look, let go of the chart, and turned around. He scooped Lily up into his arms and sprinted toward the emergency wing.

The massive spike of adrenaline in my chest slowly faded, leaving my legs feeling like jelly.

In that exact moment, I honestly couldn't tell if I felt more heartbroken or relieved.