He Begged After I Was Gone

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Five years ago, my family went bankrupt. It was Julian Thorne who cleared our massive, crushing debts.

I asked him how I could ever repay him.

He looked at my face, a deep, lonely longing flickering in his eyes.

You don't have to do anything, he murmured. Just stay by my side.

From that day on, I became a strange presence in his life.

I wasn't his maid, yet I managed every detail of his life. I memorized all his allergies and dietary restrictions, and I tied his silk ties every single morning.

I wasn't his girlfriend, yet we lived together, and we shared a bed.

But whenever we had sex, he would blindfold me with a black silk ribbon.

He also never allowed me to make a single sound.

It wasn't until the night Serena Croft returned to the country that I finally understood everything. Looking at her face, a face that was an eighty percent match to mine, the truth hit me like a slap.

I was nothing but a cheap stand-in he kept on a leash.

Gently, my hand trembled as I touched my flat stomach, where a tiny life was now growing.

Since that was the case, it was time for me to disappear.

Valerie Vance POV

I had been with Julian for five years. The most pathetic thing I ever did was stand outside his study door for an entire night, just waiting for him to utter three words: "You can enter."

Now, I stood outside the VIP lounge of the exclusive club once again, listening to the muffled conversation between Julian and his wealthy friends.

"Julian, what's the plan now? Serena is back. You can't honestly keep both of them, can you?"

Someone laughed, teasing him. "Valerie is gorgeous and incredibly sweet. If you aren't going to make her your wife, break it off early and let her go."

The lounge fell into a heavy silence for a few seconds.

Then, I heard Julian's voice. It was cool, dripping with a lazy, post-drink nonchalance. Yet every single word pierced through the heavy oak door, crystal clear.

"My family owed hers a debt from the past. Keeping her around is just my way of paying it back. She's the one who insists on staying. I've never forced her. If I were going to fall in love with her, it would have happened years ago."

He paused, then added callously.

"Besides, where would she go? She's nothing without me, and she knows it."

Someone chuckled. "So, what about Serena? Are you really going to marry her?"

Julian didn't answer. But in our world, silence was the loudest confirmation.

My hand froze on the doorknob. In the end, I didn't push the door open. I turned around and walked away in silence.

I couldn't help but think back to five years ago.

My father's business had collapsed. Buried under a mountain of debt, he suffered a sudden, massive stroke.

That was when Julian had approached me.

"Come with me, and I'll take care of your father's medical bills."

Looking at my father hooked up to a dozen tubes in the ICU, I didn't ask a single question. I packed a few clothes and left with him.

Since then, I had lived in his shadow, an undefined shadow.

I wasn't a maid. Maids had salaries, days off, and clear boundaries.

I wasn't a girlfriend. He had never given me that title.

I took care of everything. I knew exactly what would trigger his severe allergies, what he hated to eat, and how to handle the mundane tasks he found too tedious.

The people in his elite circle called me Ms. Vance. Their tone was polite, but their eyes were always filled with mockery and pity.

Everyone knew what my role was. I was the only one who played dumb, refusing to face the ugly reality.

I even rationalized it to myself: he saved my family. Staying with him was just my way of paying off the debt.

But gradually, my heart betray me.

I remembered the time I had a high fever. Through my blurry vision, I felt someone carry me to bed. When I opened my eyes, Julian was sitting by my bedside. He had an entire medical team on payroll, yet he chose to watch over me himself.

I remembered the night he was heavily drunk.

When I went to pick him up, he grabbed my wrist in the back of the car, his voice raw as he whispered, "Don't leave."

The next day, he remembered nothing, and I pretended nothing had happened. But I held onto those words for years.

Eventually, our relationship shifted into the bedroom. We never talked about commitment.

I didn't dare to ask, and he never offered.

I lived in this beautiful, pathetic delusion for five years. Sometimes, I foolishly thought that if I just held on a little longer, he would finally give me his name.

Until the news of Serena Croft's return broke.

Everyone in high society knew Serena was the only girl Julian had ever truly loved.

They grew up together. But then, she left for Europe without saying goodbye.

Julian waited for her for three painful years before he stopped mentioning her name.

I had pieced together these fragments of his past from the drunken whispers he let slip over the years.

Whenever he drank too much, he would toss and turn in his sleep, murmuring one name over and over: Serena.

When I got back to the apartment, I stood at the entrance for a long time.

Before my eyes was a home covered in sticky notes.

He is severely allergic to mangoes, peanuts, and buckwheat!

He only drinks cold milk, but his stomach is weak. Never let him drink it on an empty stomach.

Next to the medicine cabinet: Allergy pills are on the second shelf, left container.

He only uses waterproof band-aids.

Every single note was written in my neat handwriting.

Some of the ink had faded with time; others were still fresh.

Slowly, I reached out and peeled off the first note.

When my hand reached the allergy list on the refrigerator, my fingers trembled.

I had rewritten this particular list seven or eight times. On the bottom right corner of the latest version, there was a tiny, hand-drawn smiley face.

I remembered that day. He had been in a rare good mood. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind as I was writing, asking what I was doing.

I showed him the note. He glanced at it, gave a faint "Hmm," and let me go.

Just that single, low grunt of approval had made me glow with happiness all day. I had doodled that little smiley face right after.

Looking at it now, I realized how incredibly pathetic I was.

I peeled the allergy list off. I didn't throw it away. I folded it neatly and slipped it into my coat pocket.

Then, I kept peeling. The living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, the balcony.

Half an hour later, every single sticky note was gone. The apartment suddenly looked cold, bare, and painfully quiet.

I stuffed the crumpled pile of notes into a trash bag, tied it tight, and set it by the door.

Then, I walked over to the closet and looked at the suitcase standing in the corner.

A thin layer of dust had settled on the zipper. I had packed it a week ago.

At that time, I hadn't even heard his conversation at the club yet. I had just felt a cold shift in the air.

His sudden coldness, Serena's abrupt return. All the warning signs pointed to a truth I didn't want to face.

Like I always did, I prepared for the worst.

The only difference was, in the past, my worst-case scenarios never came true.

But this time, I had heard the death sentence with my own ears.

I sat down on the hardwood floor next to my suitcase, rested my back against the wall, buried my face in my knees, and wept.

I cried silently, my shoulders shaking, without making a single sound.

I had cried many times over the past five years, but it was always silent.

Because Julian hated noise.

Valerie Vance POV

The next afternoon, Julian returned to the apartment.

The moment he stepped inside, his eyes swept over the walls. The colorful sticky notes that used to clutter the space were entirely gone, leaving only faint, clean outlines.

He frowned slightly. "Where are the notes?"

I kept my voice even. "They were getting old. I'm going to rewrite them."

I had already prepared a new batch, but instead of sticking them on the walls, I had organized them neatly in a folder on the dining table.

Inside was a comprehensive guide: his allergies, dietary needs, medication locations, and daily schedules. Every single detail was meticulously written down.

Julian flipped through two pages and tossed it back onto the table.

"Serena is back. I'm planning to make things official with her."

He looked at me, his tone incredibly casual.

"She'll be coming over often from now on. Make sure you take good care of her. She's been pampered since she was a child, so she doesn't know how to manage a household."

I understood.

He wasn't breaking up with me. In his mind, there was never a "relationship" to break up from in the first place.

I was nothing without him. I had no job, no savings, no social circle, and my father's life still depended entirely on his financial support.

I had no choice but to stay.

I listened quietly and nodded. "Okay. I understand."

Julian waited for a few seconds.

I knew what he was waiting for. He expected me to accept his arrangement meekly, just like I always did, and continue to be the obedient, invisible Ms. Vance who revolved entirely around him.

And indeed, my quiet nod gave him exactly what he wanted.

He looked relieved.

He grabbed his car keys and left.

Once the door clicked shut, I stood in the middle of the empty living room, staring at the folder he had discarded after barely glancing at it.

Five pages. It had taken me all night to write.

I walked over, straightened the crumpled edges of the paper, and placed it neatly back on the table.

Then, I pulled out my phone and sent a message to the real estate agent: "How fast can we finalize the sale of my grandmother's cottage?"

The agent replied almost instantly: "Within two weeks."

...

A few days later, Serena Croft indeed showed up.

The moment she stepped through the door, she called out, "Julian!" her voice rising in a sweet, intimate lilt.

In the kitchen, my hand holding the knife froze.

I had been with Julian for five years, and I had never called him by his first name so intimately.

Once, early on, I had tried calling him "Julian" in private. He had met my eyes with a chilling, warning glare. I never dared to do it again.

Serena wandered around the apartment and eventually spotted me in the kitchen. She walked in with a sweet smile.

"You must be Valerie. Julian mentioned you. He said you're incredibly detail-oriented."

She opened the refrigerator, scanned the shelves, and said offhandedly, "You'll have to put in some extra effort for our meals from now on. I'm quite picky. I'll send you a list of my preferences later."

Her tone was so natural, as if I wasn't just Julian's kept woman, but her personal maid as well.

Then, Serena stepped closer to me. She lowered her voice so only the two of us could hear.

"Now that I'm back, you can just focus on managing the household for Julian and me. Don't harbor any other... unrealistic ideas."

She smirked. "You know your own situation. Without Julian, you can't even afford your father's medical bills, right?"

She patted the back of my hand with a mock-sweet smile.

"So, let's both do our jobs. It'll save us both a lot of trouble."

I didn't say a word. I simply sealed the last dish with plastic wrap and placed it in the fridge.

At dinner, I set the dishes on the table and was about to retreat to my room when I saw Serena using Julian's private crystal glass to pour him some water.

My feet felt glued to the floor.

Julian had severe OCD and germophobia. He never shared tableware or glasses with anyone. That was the very first rule I learned when I came to this house.

On my first day, not knowing any better, I had used his personal glass to pour him water. He had looked at it with sheer disgust and poured the entire glass down the sink.

For five years, I had never touched his personal crystal glass again. Not once.

But now, Serena was not only using his glass, she even used her own fork to feed him a piece of foie gras.

Julian accepted it. He took a sip of the water and ate the food, a soft smile actually gracing his lips.

"Delicious," he murmured.

My mind flashed back to a winter when I had a terrible cold that wouldn't go away. I had boiled a pot of hot milk and wanted to share it with him. The moment my fingers brushed against his mug, he had flinched and frowned in disgust.

I had stood frozen in the kitchen for a long time, holding that hot pot of milk. In the end, I drank it all by myself.

It turned out he didn't have germophobia.

He just had germophobia when it came to me.

Serena was the only one for whom his rules simply did not exist.

I walked back to my room and gently closed the door.

Valerie Vance POV

Serena started coming to the apartment more and more frequently.

Her silk shawl was left draped over the living room sofa. Her expensive perfumes cluttered the bathroom counter. A box of macarons, a jar of organic honey, and several bottles of yogurt appeared in the fridge.

All of them were sweet.

Julian detested sweets. Whenever I bought a small cupcake for myself, he wouldn't even spare it a glance.

Once, I had approached him while eating an ice cream cone. He had turned his head away in disgust, telling me it was too sweet and ordering me to stay away from him.

But late that night, when I opened the fridge to grab some water, I noticed two macarons were missing from Serena's box.

He didn't hate sweets. He just hated sweets bought by me.

Serena knew exactly what my position was in this household, so she didn't even view me as a threat.

One afternoon, Serena brought a few of her wealthy socialite friends to the apartment.

I was in the kitchen preparing afternoon tea. Serena was showing her friends around the place. When they reached the kitchen door, she stopped.

"Valerie, could you brew a pot of Earl Grey and bring it to the living room?"

She turned to her friends with a casual smile. "This is Valerie. She's been with Julian for years. She can do absolutely everything and is incredibly hardworking. Julian and I honestly couldn't live without her."

The women's eyes instantly shifted as they looked at me.

There was scrutiny, amusement, and blatant disdain in their gazes.

One of them chuckled and whispered to Serena, "Is this the girl you told us about? The one who's been clinging to Mr. Thorne for years?"

Serena didn't answer directly. She just offered a knowing, pitying smile. That smile was all the answer they needed.

The women looked at me with mock sympathy.

When I brought the tea tray into the living room, Serena was discussing her upcoming engagement party with her friends.

"Julian said the engagement party will be next month. He's already hand-picking the ring."

"Oh my gosh! Mr. Thorne is personally picking the ring? He adores you so much!"

Serena giggled, casting a sideways glance at me.

She didn't say a word to me, but that look said everything.

I set the tea tray down and quietly retreated to the kitchen.

Leaning against the marble countertop, I closed my eyes and took deep, shuddering breaths.

That night, after Serena and her friends left, Julian came home.

I was tidying up the living room when he walked past me. Suddenly, he stopped.

"Have you lost weight recently?"

I froze, looking up at him.

It had been a very long time since he had last noticed anything about me.

Before I could answer, Julian walked over to the sofa, sat down, and pulled out his phone to reply to some emails.

"Don't overwork yourself. Serena's friends might visit more often. If you can't handle the housework alone, tell the maid to come more frequently."

His words didn't stem from concern for me. He was just worried that if I collapsed, there would be no one to run the house.

I nodded. "I will."

He glanced up at me again.

"By the way, there's a charity gala in a few days. It's Serena's first time attending this kind of high-society event. She's not familiar with the protocols. I want you to come along and assist her."

He wanted me to act as Serena's personal assistant.

In front of Serena, in front of his entire social circle, in the role of a glorified servant.

"Okay," I said quietly.

That night, back in my room, I locked the door and pulled out my phone. I texted the agent: "How is the paperwork for the cottage coming along?"

The agent replied: "About ten more days at most."

I typed back a single word: Expedite.

Valerie Vance POV

On the night of the gala, I wore a simple, elegant evening gown that I usually wore to these kinds of formal events.

Serena glanced at me, raised an eyebrow slightly, but said nothing.

When we arrived at the grand ballroom, Serena was clinging tightly to Julian's arm. I followed a step behind them, quietly whispering into her ear about the guests at each table. Their names, their social standing, and their personal preferences.

All this information was mapped out in my brain. After five years, I knew the temperaments of everyone in Julian's circle like the back of my hand.

Armed with my notes, Serena floated toward the guests with a radiant smile.

The crowd raised their glasses in congratulations. Not a single person looked at me.

Then, Serena led me over to a table of elite socialites.

"Let me introduce you all. This is Valerie. She's been by Julian's side for years, taking excellent care of him."

She picked up a glass of champagne and forced it into my hand with a tight smile.

"Valerie, why don't you propose a toast to everyone? They are my friends now, so you'll need to help me maintain these relationships in the future."

The women chimed in, laughing. "Yes, drink up!"

I took the glass and downed it in one go. The alcohol burned my throat, making my eyes water, but I forced myself not to cough.

One of the socialites scrutinized me from head to toe, then whispered to Serena, "Serena, you are way too sweet. If I were you, I would never keep such a pretty girl running around my fianc."

Serena offered a sweet, calculated smile. "Valerie is practically family to Julian. Right, Valerie?"

She stared straight at me, her bright smile demanding my cooperation.

Clutching the empty glass, I forced the corners of my mouth up. "Yes. We are like family."

The women laughed, satisfied, and Serena beamed.

Only I knew how bitter that drink tasted.

Toward the end of the gala, I went to the restroom. On my way back down the dim hallway, one of Julian's drunken business associates blocked my path.

The man grabbed my wrist, his breath reeking of expensive whiskey. "Ms. Vance, you've worked so hard all these years. Now that Julian has a new toy, what's your next move? Why don't you let me take care of you instead?"

Before I could react, his hands began to slide down my waist.

I pushed against his chest with all my might, but I couldn't break his grip. Emboldened by the alcohol, he pinned me against the wall, his flushed face looming closer.

"Stop struggling, Valerie. In your position, you should be grateful someone still wants you."

I turned my head away, panic rising in my chest. "Let me go!" I screamed.

Footsteps echoed from the other end of the hallway.

It was Julian.

The moment I saw him, tears almost welled in my eyes.

For five years, no matter how cold he was to me in private, he had never allowed anyone else to touch me in public.

Julian walked up and grabbed the man's collar, pulling him back with an effortless yank.

"You've had too much to drink," Julian said, his tone flat. He sounded as if he were merely handling an untidy inconvenience.

Then, he cast a cold glance at me.

"What are you doing wandering around the hallway dressed like this?"

This was the same gown I had worn to countless events before, and he had never complained.

Back then, when I stood by his side, he found it elegant.

Now, when I was being assaulted by another man, he found it to be my fault.

Julian escorted his drunken friend away, never once looking back.

I was left standing alone in the empty, silent hallway. My wrists were already bruised.

He didn't ask if I was hurt.

He didn't ask what that man had done to me.

He didn't care how I collapsed onto the floor.

I curled up in the corner of the hallway, clutching my arms, my entire body shaking violently.

In the end, I had to swallow all the pain and humiliation by myself.

Valerie Vance POV

It would take a few more days to finalize the sale of the cottage.

I endured it. I endured everything.

I was waiting at a caf near Julian's corporate office to sign the final batch of paperwork with the real estate agent when Serena suddenly showed up. She had brought two of the socialites from the gala with her.

The moment I saw her, I knew there was going to be trouble.

Serena walked over to my table, pulled a thick white envelope from her Chanel bag, and slammed it down in front of me.

"Valerie, Julian asked me to give this to you. You've worked hard all these years. Think of this as your severance package."

She didn't shout, but her voice was loud enough for the surrounding tables to hear.

Instantly, whispers broke out around us.

"Is that his mistress?"

"She's definitely pretty enough. No wonder she was being kept."

I knew this couldn't be Julian's doing. But with Serena framing it this way in public, anything I said would sound like a weak excuse.

I pushed the envelope back. "I don't need this. Take it back."

Serena blocked my hand, pressing her fingers firmly onto my shoulder. Her manicured nails dug into my skin. Her smile remained sweet, but her voice dropped to a venomous whisper.

"Valerie Vance, who do you think you are? Your father would have died in a ditch years ago if Julian hadn't paid his debts. Your entire pathetic family would be begging on the streets. What right do you have to act so high and mighty in front of me?"

My entire body went rigid.

I could tolerate her insults directed at me. I could tolerate her humiliation. But I would never tolerate anyone dragging my father into the dirt.

My father had been paralyzed in a wheelchair for five years. My mother had aged a decade trying to care for him.

The main reason I had endured being Julian's shadow for five years was to keep my father in that state-of-the-art care facility.

In a blind rage, I grabbed my cup of iced coffee and splashed it directly into Serena's face.

Serena shrieked, taking two steps back. The dark liquid dripped down her forehead, ruining her expensive makeup.

"Valerie Vance! Are you out of your mind?!"

The two socialites gasped and rushed to wipe her face with tissues.

Serena was shaking with rage. Just as she was about to scream at me, she spotted Julian walking through the caf entrance. In a split second, her expression transformed, and tears welled up in her eyes.

"Julian! I came here out of goodwill to check on her, but she rejected it and threw coffee in my face..."

Julian took one look at Serena's ruined clothes, then turned his gaze to me.

His face was a mask of pure ice. "Apologize to Serena. Now."

He didn't ask what happened. He didn't care about the context.

My eyes burned with tears. "She insulted my family first."

"I asked if you are going to apologize," Julian cut me off, his voice dripping with cold, menacing authority.

I bit my lip, standing my ground.

Julian let out a cold, mocking laugh. He reached down, picked up a glass of ice water from the table, and without a second of hesitation, poured it directly over my head.

The freezing water drenched my hair, running down my neck and shivering down my spine. My clothes clung to my skin, and my wet hair plastered against my face.

The entire caf fell dead silent. Everyone was staring at me.

Julian looked down at me like I was dirt beneath his expensive leather shoes.

"Serena is my fiance. Humiliating her is humiliating me."

He wrapped his arm around Serena's waist and walked out.

As Serena passed by, she threw me a smug, triumphant look.

I stood frozen in the middle of the caf, water dripping from my hair onto the floor.

I remembered my first year with Julian. We had been caught in a sudden downpour without an umbrella. He had taken off his custom coat, draped it over my head, and walked a mile in the freezing rain just to keep me dry.

On that day, I had truly believed he was the kindest man in the world.

Yet today, he was the one who poured ice water over my head.

He didn't even bother to ask why.

Valerie Vance POV

I went back to the apartment in my wet clothes.

I took a hot shower, changed, and sat on the edge of the bed in a daze for hours.

My mind was filled with the memory of Julian's lifeless, icy eyes.

I should have given up on him long ago. How could I have ever believed that a man like him could possess even a shred of genuine affection for me?

From beginning to end, I was just a fool living in a dream.

Suddenly, a violent wave of nausea hit me. I rushed to the bathroom and collapsed over the toilet, throwing up until there was nothing left but bitter bile.

I sat on the cold tile floor, completely drained of strength.

Lately, I hadn't been able to keep any food down, and my period was weeks late. I had assumed it was just stress.

But a sudden, terrifying thought crossed my mind.

I dragged myself up, put on some dry clothes, and walked to the nearest pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test.

In the pharmacy's public restroom, I watched as two bright red lines slowly but clearly appeared on the stick. My knees buckled, and I slid down the wall onto the floor.

I was pregnant.

Just when I was completely prepared to leave him forever, a new life, half-belonging to Julian, had taken root inside me.

I placed a trembling hand over my flat stomach, tears streaming down my face.

This baby couldn't have come at a worse time.

Julian would never want it. And if Serena found out, I wouldn't even be able to leave this city in one piece.

I had to leave before Julian found out. I had to leave immediately.

I took a cab back to the apartment. But the moment I saw Julian's black Maybach parked at the curb, my heart plummeted into a freezing abyss.

I pushed the door open. The apartment was pitch black.

Julian was sitting on the sofa, a lit cigarette smoldering between his fingers.

On the coffee table lay a crumpled medical bill. It was the receipt from my OB-GYN visit last week when I went in for a checkup.

Hearing the door, Julian slowly raised his head.

Those eyes, usually so indifferent and cool, were now filled with a terrifying, murderous rage.

He stood up, his voice dangerously low. "Valerie Vance, are you pregnant?"

I instinctively took a step back, my blood running cold. "I..."

Crash!

Julian hurled the heavy crystal ashtray at my feet. Shards of glass exploded across the hardwood floor, cutting my bare ankles.

He strode over in three giant steps, grabbed my jaw in a vice grip, and forced my face up. His grip was so tight I heard my bones protest.

"I personally made sure you took your birth control pills every single time. How the hell did you get pregnant? Did you tamper with the condoms? Or did you spit the pills out?"

He sneered, looking at me as if I were a disgusting stranger.

"Valerie, I never realized you could be this calculating. You saw that I was getting engaged to Serena, so you decided to trap me with a bastard child?"

His words stabbed straight into my chest, tearing my heart to shreds.

"I didn't..." Tears finally spilled over. Ignoring the pain in my jaw, I desperately grabbed his wrists, my voice cracking into a sob. "I only found out today... Julian, I don't want anything. I don't want your money. I'll leave right now. I'll go far away and never trouble you or Serena again..."

"Go far away?" Julian let out a dark, mocking laugh. His eyes were cold and merciless. "And let a stain carrying half my blood exist in this world? Giving you a permanent excuse to blackmail Serena in the future? In your dreams!"

He violently shoved me away.

In my weakened state, I lost my balance and fell hard against the sharp edge of the dining table, hitting my abdomen.

A sharp pain shot through my stomach, and I gasped, curling my body tightly to shield my womb.

Julian loomed over me, looking down at me like a god delivering a sentence. "Only Serena has the right to bear my children. The thing inside your stomach doesn't deserve to see the light of day."

I forced my head up, my eyes wide with utter despair. "Julian, this is your child too!"

Five years. Even if you raised a dog for five years, you would have some affection for it. Yet he didn't show a single ounce of hesitation.

"So what?" Julian adjusted his tie, his voice entirely flat. "Tomorrow morning, my medical team will perform the procedure."

Without another look, he turned on his heel and walked toward the door.

"If that thing inside her isn't cleaned out by tomorrow, you're all fired," he barked at the bodyguards waiting outside.

The heavy door slammed shut, crushing my very last hope.

My suitcase was standing right behind that door. I was only one step away from escaping with my baby.

I lay on the freezing floor, the blood from my ankles mixing with my tears on the wood.