Love Dies, We Become Strangers

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I found an earring tucked between the passenger seat and the center console of my husband, Fredericks, car.

It was the kind his star student, Tessa, always wore.

He glanced at it when I held it up. It was snowing, so I gave a couple of students a ride home, he explained. It must have just fallen off.

I carefully set it aside. Its okay, I said, my voice even. You dont have to explain.

I knew the students Frederick was talking about, and the only one who ever insisted on riding shotgun was Tessa.

Because of her, I had lost my mind, screaming at Frederick in fits of hysteria more times than I could count. Because of her, I had threatened to leave him again and again. It was only after I miscarried that he finally backed down, promising me he would never be alone with her outside of the university.

Seeing my nonchalance now, Frederick looked stunned. He couldn't hold back the question.

Dont you care at all?

There was a time when I did care. All it got me were endless fights, a river of tears, and an empty womb.

Now? Now, I truly didnt.

I didn't answer Fredericks question.

When we got home, he stopped me in the entryway, his face etched with a deep weariness. His eyes were a storm of complicated emotions. Why? he asked.

I managed a small smile. Isnt this what you wanted? I asked softly.

He was silent for a moment before trying again. Tessa is my student. I gave her and another student a ride today. Thats all. Why do you always have to

He trailed off, but I finished the sentence for him in my head.

Why do you always have to assume the worst about us?

He seemed to realize his mistake and sighed in frustration. I wasnt alone with her. And she sat in the front because she gets carsick.

Beyond that, he insisted, she is my student, and I am her professor. There is nothing else between us.

I said nothing.

A shadow of exhaustion and helplessness crossed Fredericks face. Julia, what do you want from me?

I looked at him, my expression placid. I dont want anything from you.

And you dont need to explain so much to me. The image of the earring flashed in my mind. Maybe you should take that back to her now. Its not safe for her to be knocking on our door in the middle of the night.

Fredericks face fell.

Tessa had shown up at our house late at night twice before.

The first time, she claimed shed left a lab report in his car and arrived with red-rimmed eyes, looking distressed. In the end, Frederick drove her home.

Two weeks after that, I found a tube of lipstick under the passenger seat.

That must be Tessas, Frederick had said with a casual shrug. She probably dropped it. He pocketed it without another thought. I frowned, trying to push down the strange feeling in my gut. I didnt ask.

But that night, Tessa appeared on our doorstep again. She held out her hand to him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Professor, can I have my lipstick back?

Frederick pulled it from his pocket and handed it to her, his tone flat. Be more careful next time.

Tessa stuck her tongue out at him playfully. I know, Professor! she chirped, her tone oozing a familiar, practiced sweetness.

I stood frozen in place, watching her.

That was the first time I ever really fought with Frederick. At the end of it, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Julia, not everyones mind is stuck in the gutter like yours.

Tessa isnt like you. Shes a brilliant student.

Tears clung to my eyelashes as I stared at him, stunned into silence. He said nothing more, just turned and walked away.

The memory faded.

Frederick was staring at me now, searching my face for any hint of a reaction.

He found none.

As I turned to go upstairs, his voice, hoarse and tinged with a desperate hope, stopped me.

Julia, today is our fifth wedding anniversary.

Did you remember?

If he hadnt mentioned it, I would have forgotten. Ever since hed started mentoring students, our anniversaries had been reduced to a single word.

Busy.

Last year, I had called him, my voice tight with nervous excitement.

It wasn't Frederick who answered.

It was Tessa.

Mrs. Albright? The professors had a bit too much to drink. Maybe you should call back when hes sober?

Hearing her voice was like having a bucket of ice water dumped over my head. Frederick hated anyone touching his phone, and that included me. In our first year of marriage, Id accidentally picked up his phone instead of mine. He hadnt said anything, but the look on his face was enough. I never touched it again.

And yet, Tessa felt comfortable enough to answer his calls.

That incident led to another explosive fight. He ended up storming out of the house. The special dinner and gifts Id prepared sat untouched all night.

I turned back to him now. I forgot.

Fredericks expression froze. He looked at me in utter disbelief. You forgot?

I didn't reply. I just went upstairs to our room.

Later that night, a noise from downstairs woke me. I groggily opened my door to see what was going on. As I reached the top of the stairs, I heard Tessas voice.

I just want to know what I did wrong. Professor, did your wife misunderstand something about us?

Youve been ignoring me. You dont answer my texts.

If its because of her, I can explain everything to her.

By the end, her voice was thick with tears.

Tessa was the only female student Frederick had mentored in the last two years. Perhaps because of that, everyone, including Frederick, seemed to give her a little extra attention. Her name came up in his stories far more often than anyone elses.

After a long pause, I heard Fredericks weary voice. It has nothing to do with you. Dont blame yourself.

Really? Tessa asked, her voice still choked with sobs. But you were ignoring me.

Yes, really.

And then, Tessa laughed, the sound bright and relieved.

I walked slowly down the stairs, just in time to see her throw her arms around Frederick, her hands clasped tightly behind his neck.

I glanced over, said nothing, and walked past them to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Fredericks expression changed instantly. He pushed Tessa away.

She quickly wiped her face, her voice flustered as she tried to explain. Mrs. Albright, its not what it looks like. I was just so relieved, so I

I turned my head and offered a small smile. Its okay. You dont have to explain.

Im trying to sleep. Could you please keep it down?

Tessas face froze. She looked instinctively to Frederick.

After he sent her home, Frederick came upstairs.

Julia, he said, his voice heavy with fatigue. Theres something wrong between us. We need to talk.

I laughed. What do you want to talk about? Tessa?

He fell silent.

I sighed, my gaze on him unnervingly calm, as if I were looking at a stranger. Frederick, I dont think theres anything to talk about. Tessa is your only female student. Its natural for you to treat her well. Im not going to get angry about things like that, so you dont need to come to me with special explanations.

Theres nothing to explain, I said. I understand completely.

The color drained from Fredericks face.

Those were the exact words he had said to me during one of our countless fights about her. Now, I was giving them right back.

He opened his mouth to say something, but his phone rang.

It was Tessa.

He looked at me, hesitating for a second before answering. He even put it on speaker.

Tessa was crying on the other end. Professor, I was in a car accident. Can you please come? Im so scared.

Fredericks brow furrowed. Did you call 911? Dont panic. Ill send someone over.

He hung up and quickly dialed another number, explaining the situation in a few curt sentences before ending the call. He looked up at me, lost for words.

I spoke first. You should have just driven her home yourself.

He was quiet for a long time. It wouldnt have been appropriate for me to take her.

I gave a humorless smile.

Our talk was over. He went back to his room. My desire to sleep had vanished.

Thirty minutes later, I heard the soft click of the front door closing, followed by the sound of a car engine starting.

He had gone to her after all.

Lying in bed, I suddenly started to laugh.

Frederick and I met in college during a competition. I was the one who pursued him. After three years of dating, we got married right after graduation. For the first two years, things were good. In his first year of his PhD program, he won a breakthrough award in physics, and his talent secured him a position as the youngest professor in the department right after he graduated.

He became incredibly busy. Buried in experiments, constantly traveling for conferences. I understood. Even when he missed my birthday, I swallowed my disappointment and told him it was okay, that his work was important.

I worried he wasnt eating properly, so for a whole year, I brought him lunch every day. Then, one day, he told me to stop. You dont have to bring me food anymore. The cafeteria is fine, and its too much trouble for you.

It wasn't long after that I discovered he had taken on a new female student. When I asked, he said, Another professor recommended her. It would have been awkward to say no. I accepted it and didn't press him.

But then I noticed Tessa was always around him. She was bubbly and charming, and she knew how to be playful. Frederick, who had always hated being bothered, somehow allowed her to constantly orbit him, to text him about every little detail of her life. The day he returned her lipstick to her was the day we had our first major fight. He thought I was overreacting. Julia, shes my student. Dont be so sensitive.

The cracks between us grew wider. We fought more and more. And it was always about Tessa. It got so bad we nearly divorced, but he wouldnt sign the papers.

During that time, I became a person I didnt recognize. I was a paranoid wreck, constantly checking his phone, demanding to know his schedule. If he didn't text back immediately, my mind would spiral.

Once, when he was away at a conference with his students, I bombarded him with frantic messages.

Finally, a voice note came through, sent from his phone. It was Tessa.

Mrs. Albright, the professor is busy right now. Hell call you back when hes finished. I know you like to be in control, but you have to pick your moments to have a scene, you know? Could you please just not bother him for a little while?

I snapped. I sent Tessa a string of vicious, ugly messages.

When Frederick came home, it was another huge fight. He looked at me with such profound disappointment. Julia, whats happened to you?

Do you have any idea what kind of damage those messages could do to her? If she showed them to anyone, what would the university think of me? What would they think of you?

Did you ever stop to think about that?

He never once mentioned Tessas behavior, how she had crossed a line. In his eyes, I was the one being unreasonable. The argument got so heated that my vision tunneled, and I collapsed.

When I woke up in the hospital, the doctor told me I was pregnant.

I instinctively touched my stomach. It was a shame. I would never have children now.

Frederick didnt come home until the next morning. He offered no explanation. I didnt ask for one.

Tessa was kept in the hospital for three days of observation. After she was discharged, she sent Frederick a stream of grateful texts. After all, he had visited her whenever he had a spare moment during those three days.

I didnt say a word about it. I went about my days, not even sparing him a glance. He tried to start a conversation several times, but always seemed to lose his nerve.

One evening after dinner, he finally cornered me.

He spoke hesitantly. She was in the hospital for a few days. As her professor, it would have been wrong not to visit.

I paused. I had expected something else. I didn't expect this.

I forced a smile. I understand. Dont worry, I wont cause any trouble for her.

Is there anything else?

It was like a dam broke inside him. His voice trembled with suppressed frustration as he confronted me.

Julia, thats enough.

How long are you going to keep treating me like this? he demanded. Youre not the same person you used to be.

My smile faded.

He stared at me. Are you blaming me? For the baby? I was devastated too.

My gaze turned to ice. Shouldnt I blame you?

He was instantly silenced.

That day, I had slipped and fallen down the stairs. I called him, and he was almost home. But then Tessa called him, saying she didn't have a ride. He turned the car around to take her home. He hung up on me before I could even finish my sentence. By the time I got to the hospital, the baby was gone. The doctor said if Id gotten there just a little sooner, they might have been able to save the baby. Then came the second blow: my body was too weak, and the miscarriage had done so much damage that it would be nearly impossible for me to ever get pregnant again.

When Frederick found out, he knelt by my hospital bed for two days, begging for my forgiveness.

After I came home, he changed. He cut off all private contact with Tessa. He let me check his phone, told me his schedule without my asking.

But it was too late. I didnt need it anymore.

I was just so tired.

And besides, I had already bought my ticket to Ashworth.

I looked away from Frederick and went upstairs.

The day I left, Fredericks team had another major breakthrough. He was out of town, giving a live-streamed press conference. When the camera focused on him, he said just one thing:

Id like to thank my wife, Julia.

The live chat exploded with comments about what a devoted husband he was. Beside him, Tessas smile looked a little strained, but she finished the interview.

I turned off my phone and went to the airport.

Right before boarding, Frederick called. A final call, perhaps. I answered, and the first thing I heard was Tessas cheerful voice in the background.

Professor, you were amazing! We have to celebrate tonight, right?

I hung up the phone and got on the plane.

Frederick instinctively covered the microphone, hoping Julia hadnt heard. He hesitated for a moment, then nodded.

Tessa grabbed his arm happily. Its a date then, Professor!

He looked down at his phone and saw that the call had already been disconnected.

When he finally returned to Crestwood, Tessa ran into his office, looking flustered and holding a large envelope.

P-Professor, this was delivered for you. From your wife.

What is it?

Confused, Frederick took the envelope from her. He tore it open and his face changed instantly.