You Gave Her the Crystal, I Sailed the Autumn Wind Alone

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After the first time was over, my best friend Lola crawled out from under the bed, picked up the ultra-thin condom beside the trash can, shook it at me, and tossed it back in.

Little Tania, congratulations on going from a girl to a woman!

I was shocked and mortified. I frantically grabbed the sheet to cover myself. Thinking about how my first time had been overheard from start to finish, I shrank into the corner, so shaken my teeth were chattering.

"Youyou two..."

Leonard gently rubbed my head to soothe me and began to explain:

"Lola said she's your best friend, and she absolutely had to be the first to congratulate you on this irreplaceable moment when you went from a girl to a woman."

"You know how she isshe never gives up until she gets what she wants. She wore me down so much I couldn't have gotten anything done unless I said yes."

Lola planted her hands on her hips, put out, and cut in.

"That's only part of it. The main thing is, I wanted to be a 'human lie detector' for little Tania. From your breathing and how you performed in bed, I could tell whether you really love little Tania that much."

Leonard asked, curious:

"Oh? So how did I do? Did I satisfy Miss Simmons?"

"Hehe, how could one test be accurate? You'd have to test a few more times to know for sure."

The two of them carried on as if no one else were there.

No one noticed my hand reach for the fruit knife in the fruit bowl on the nightstand.

This was impossible.

It had to be a dream.

My mind, under the enormous shock, began to drift, and everything in front of me felt fake.

I couldn't believe that my best friend and the boyfriend I loved most would plan it out togetherone in the bed, one under itto end my innocence in the cruelest way possible.

The laughter went on in my ears.

Dreams don't hurt.

In a daze, I reached out and picked up the fruit knife, gripped the handle, aimed it at my wrist, and without hesitation slashed down hard.

The instant the blade broke the skin, beads of blood came surging out, one after another.

They ran down my wrist bone onto the white sheet, a spreading patch of dark red.

Lola, who had been laughing so hard she could barely straighten up, looked upand her expression froze.

Only then did Leonard turn to look.

I lowered my head, staring at the split-open wound, and murmured in a daze, as if sleepwalking:

"So it's not a dream."

"It hurts so much."

I stared blankly at the two of them rushing toward me, as if I were looking at two strangers.

Lola grabbed Leonard first.

"Don't touch her."

"But Tania's bleeding a lot."

Lola planted herself in front of Leonard, her tone calm yet stubborn:

"I read an article that said a lot of women get a feeling of detachment after their first time, like their bodies don't belong to them. That's what's happening to Tania right nowshe wants to use this to regain her sense of control over herself."

"If you touch her right now, it'll only make her lose even more control over herself, and she'll try to take that control back in an even more extreme way."

Lola laid it all out, point by point.

Leonard drew his hand back, trusting her without a shred of doubt.

"Then... what should we do now?"

Lola spoke with certainty:

"We should be understanding with Tania. If she wants to do it this way, we won't disturb herwe'll give her enough time and space to slowly take back control on her own."

"Leonard, let's go eat first. After going at it that long, you must be starving. I booked us a restaurantreally classy."

Leonard was silent for a few seconds.

Lola coaxed him in a light, easy tone:

"Tania and I have been best friends since we were five and a half. Nobody knows her better than I do."

"Trust me, it's fine. Don't worry, she's not a child anymore, she's twenty-one. She's not going to actually bleed to death."

As she coaxed him, Lola tugged at Leonard's sleeve and drew him toward the door.

I wanted to call them back.

To say, that's not how it is, I didn't cut my wrist on purpose.

To say, I'm in so much pain, I'm so dizzy, I feel like I'm dying.

But the blood loss had left me so weak my vocal cords couldn't make a sound, and I couldn't even move a finger.

Driven by the instinct to survive, my lips kept trembling, straining, just a little more and I could scream it out.

But the words "Don't go, save me" were smothered by the click of the door closing.

My body felt like it had been filled with lead.

The blood on the bed was still silently spreading, soaking outward.

I could clearly feel the warmth draining from my body bit by bit, my whole self wrapped in a chill, shivering beyond my control.

My eyes stayed locked on the tightly shut door.

They had just left me here like this.

Despair hurt more than fear didhurt so much that for one instant I even thought, if it hurts this much, I'd rather be dead.

My body toppled over.

The phone on the bed recognized my face and lit up in a flash.

The screen was still on the group chat for our little circle.

Right now it was buzzing, new messages popping up one after another.

With the last of my strength, I pressed the tip of my tongue to the roof of my mouth and dragged my cheek toward the screen.

If I could just reach that green microphone button, even one press, even if no sound came out.

Someone would always come.

The screen flickered.

I hadn't touched the microphone.

The group chat started playing voice messages.

Lola's voice came out, crisp and laughing, sharing it gleefully:

I came out from under the bed, and you should've seen Tania's faceshe just froze solid, hahahaha, that's good for a year of laughs.

That whole space under the bed was full of dust. I was lying there for over two hours, my back's about to snap, but it was worth itI got to witness Tania's most beautiful moment in full bloom. Leonard's rubbing my back for me right now.

A friend in the group asked about me.

Lola said, totally indifferent:

Tania? She's fine, she's just a little girl who can't quite handle suddenly becoming a woman, she's working through it herself.

The group had not only my friends but also my own younger brother, Les Sullivan.

His booming voice blasted out of the receiver.

Lola, I really put you through it, having to lie under a bed that long for my sister's sake. She went way too far, doesn't appreciate how much you care, and turns around and gets all dramatic, actually thinks she's some kind of princess. If you ask me, it's you and Leonard who spoiled her rotten.

Sometimes I really wish I didn't have this sister. If you were my sister, Lola, that'd be great.

The voice messages on the phone kept playing automatically, one after another.

But those sounds felt farther and farther away to me.

My eyelids were so heavy.

This world was so cold, cold enough that I didn't want to wake up again.

By the time the hotel staff found me, I had already gone into shock.

While waiting for the ambulance, the hotel found Leonard's phone number from the room booking.

But it was Lola who answered.

When she was told I'd lost too much blood and was unconscious.

Lola cupped the receiver and stepped outside the dining room:

"No way? How could she pass out from a little blood? She bleeds four or five days every single month and she's perfectly fine, isn't she?"

The hotel staff member paused for a second, then their tone grew more serious:

"Ma'am, the wound is deep, and the blood loss has already reached a dangerous level..."

"Dangerous? You've probably been fooled by her. I'm her best friend. She's been like this since she was little, loves to put on a show, and she always picks the moments with lots of people around, special days and occasions, dying to be the center of attention."

"Ma'am, your friend really is..."

"Okay, okay, enough. You're just scared of being held responsible and having to front the money, aren't you? As her friend, I'll give you a waiver. Whatever happens to Tania Sullivan, it has nothing to do with the hotel, all right? As for the money, there's an ICBC card in her bag. The PIN is our best-friend date, 110321."

"Don't call this number again."

Lola didn't give the hotel staff a chance to say another word. She just hung up and blocked the number.

Back to the restaurant.

Leonard had already come out of the restroom, and he noticed that Lola was returning from outside holding the phone he'd left on the table.

"Did someone call me?"

"No. I got a craving for a cigarette, so I went out for a smoke. I was worried you'd lose your phone, so I just took it out with me."

Leonard, suspecting nothing, took the phone.

Just as he was about to open it, Lola pressed his hand down.

"Come on, really? You can't go one meal without checking your phone? Does the world stop turning without you?"

"I'm the one who helped you win Tania over, and this is how you repay me? You value romance over friendship! We're through!"

Lola pushed her chair back and stood up, pretending to leave.

Leonard caught up with her in a few steps.

"I was wrong, I was wrong, I'm sorry. From now on, I'll leave my phone with you. Whenever you say I can check it, that's when I'll turn it on."

"We said friends for life. Why bring up ending it? It hurts."

To make Lola happy.

Leonard cleared out the restaurant and booked the whole place.

Back then, it was right across from this restaurant.

Leonard and I each had a piece of grilled corn in our hands.

Sitting on the edge of a flower bed.

I watched with envy as, beneath the exquisite, dazzling crystal chandelier, a man and woman celebrated a successful proposal. I couldn't help fantasizing, and, blushing, I hinted:

"Hey... Leonard, if you proposed to me somewhere like that, I'd definitely say yes."

He only lifted his eyelids at that, then looked away, his tone rational and calm.

"Booking out a whole place is such a stupid thing to do. Spend money just for that kind of show? I couldn't do it."

"Flashy and useless. I don't like it. Tania, be practical, and stop chasing dreams that don't suit you."

And now.

Without even blinking, he paid for the entire place and cleared everyone out, wrapped his arm around Lola's waist, and danced a waltz under the crystal chandelier, building the dream for her with his own hands.

Every now and then they'd laugh softly and whisper together.

Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, young couples passing by stopped to look in.

After Leonard and I made our relationship official freshman year, we became video creators to give what we had a more solid future.

I poured all my spare time into it.

With dedication and persistence, and catching the right trend on top of it, in just half a year the account topped ten million followers, and our income leapt us into a whole new class.

He got rich, but he changed too.

Leonard had too much to drink.

As Lola walked him inside on her arm, he dimly recognized that it was her rented apartment.

"Why did you bring me here?"

He shook his head, tried to straighten up, and stepped back twice.

Lola shot Leonard a look.

"You drank so much, you reek! Tania hates men who stink of alcohol. Sending you back to her like this would hurt your relationship and wreck your image in Tania's eyes."

"I can't take the blame for that. But, heh heh, I don't mind that you smell. Stay here and rough it for the night, and tomorrow morning the two of us will get all cleaned up and go find Tania."

Leonard thought that made sense.

He bent his head, tugged up his shirt collar, and sniffed it.

"Does it smell? Where does it smell? I think it's fine."

Lola came over, all giggles, first circling around Leonard like a puppy.

Then, nose twitching, she leaned in close to his collar and sniffed.

"It's okay here."

She worked her way down from the collar.

His chest, his stomach, his upper thighs...

Her nose almost touching the thin fabric of his pants, she sniffed.