If I'm Not the Only One, I'll Leave Without Looking Back

"May, I'm leaving Rowan. I'm going to join the caravans on the coast. Please reserve a place for me."

I placed the leather bag containing my travel expenses in front of her.

After four years as Rowan's partner, I finally decided to leave this territory and end the relationship.

I don't want his possessions or Luna's identity.

Mei stopped holding the pestle: "Clara, have you thought this through? You've liked him since you were little, and it wasn't easy for you to become his partner."

"I've made up my mind. I don't want to wait any longer."

She looked at me for a moment, then put down the pestle.

"My brother will set off with a caravan in twelve days. But what do you plan to do when we reach the coast?"

“The wolf pack over there has replied. They are willing to take me in, but they need a guide familiar with the mountain paths. I have my own savings.”

Mei finally accepted the leather bag: "Twelve days later, before dawn, go to the stables on the west side. I'll have him reserve a horse for you."

I nodded and put the reply into my inner pocket.

Twelve days is enough for me to hand over my duties and bid farewell to Rowan.

When Rowan returned to Stone Castle, he was looking at a border map at a long table.

Upon seeing me, he smiled and extended his hand: "You're finally back. We'll need you to plan our winter route this year."

I didn't go into his arms like I used to; I just spread a few drawings on the table.

"The mountain passes that are prone to snow accumulation and the places that can be sheltered from the wind have all been clearly marked. From now on, let your deputy lead the way. I will take him to familiarize himself with the route in the next few days."

Rowan glanced down at me, then took my hand.

"You're finally willing to take a break? That's good, you've already worried about enough for me."

His palm was warm. I curled my fingers and pulled my hand away.

He thought I just wanted to rest.

But I was already making arrangements for what would happen after I left.

Just then, a woman's voice came from the doorway.

"Rowan, you promised to go for a walk in the woods with me."

Lydia, his first love, stood by the stone steps, her cloak loosely draped over her arm.

Rowan immediately put down the map and walked towards her.

"It's windy outside, why don't you put one on?"

He took the cloak, adjusted her collar, and even softened his voice: "Tell me if you get tired, and we'll come back anytime."

I stood at the other end of the long table, watching him bend down and tighten the knot for her.

He hasn't taken care of me like this in a long time.

Rowan and I grew up in the same wolf pack. The first time he went on a night patrol alone, I secretly followed him and stayed with him until dawn.

We are not destined partners.

Four years ago, when he took over Alfa, he asked me if I would like to stay and become his partner.

I couldn't bear to miss this opportunity, so I gave up my plan to travel with the caravan and stayed by his side, becoming Luna of the wolf pack.

At that time, his long-time lover, Lydia, suddenly left him to marry another wolf pack without a word of explanation.

I knew he had loved her, but I thought that since he had chosen me, it meant he had let go of the past and was willing to move forward with me.

For the past four years, I've accompanied him on patrols along the border and helped find routes for grain transport teams when heavy snow blocked the mountains. Whenever he was too busy, I would take over.

I thought we would grow closer and closer.

But gradually, he only remembered to hold my hand when he needed me.

Until a month ago, Lydia lost her husband and came to seek refuge with a group of her people who had nowhere to spend the winter.

I vacated the house for them, distributed the food, and asked Mei to take care of the sick child.

Rowan said she had just lost her partner and needed someone to be with her.

So, our dinner could be postponed, and his promise to accompany me on the tour could be canceled. He kept making me wait time and time again, yet he always managed to find time to go see her.

I tried to explain for him, until that night two weeks ago.

He clearly told me that he was going to inspect the northern border.

I went to deliver a blanket to the new child, but I heard his voice outside Lydia's half-open door.

"Don't cry, I'm here."

She reached out and hugged his waist, tilting her face up.

Rowan cradled the back of her neck and leaned down to kiss her.

I stood frozen outside the door, the blanket in my arms crumpled into a ball. A low growl rose in my throat, but I bit my lip hard to keep it from escaping.

He coaxed her for a long time.

I can't even remember when I left.

The next day, I found the coastal map that had been hidden at the bottom of the box, and Tommy's brother sent me a letter.

Now, a reply has arrived.

I don't need to wait for Rowan anymore.

"Clara, don't wait for me for dinner."

His voice pulled me back to reality.

Lydia took his arm. He waited for my answer, his expression as usual, as if he could leave with peace of mind if I nodded.

"good."

I put away the blueprints, handed them to his deputy, and went back to my bedroom alone.

I took out the old cloak from the wooden box, the clothes from the closet, and the short bow that hadn't been used in a long time, one by one.

The jewelry Rowan gave me is still in the same place.

I packed the coastal map, my savings, and a change of clothes into my luggage.

After dark, two wolf howls echoed back and forth from the distant woods.

One of them was Rowan's.

I paused for a moment, holding the clothes, then bent down and folded them neatly.

When Rowan returned, I was tightening the belt of my bag.

"Why did you bring out the bow too? Want to go for a walk?"

"Yeah, I want to go a little further away."

He saw the coastal map next to him and reached out to ruffle my hair.

"Still thinking about that place? I'll go with you once Lydia and her people are settled."

In the past, when I heard him say that, I would ask him when he was leaving and then happily redraw the route.

This time, I simply folded the map and put it in my bag.

At night, Rowan hugged me from behind and lowered his head to kiss the side of my neck.

Lydia's scent still lingered on his collar.

My shoulders stiffened, and I took his hand and moved it away from my waist.

"Not tonight."

Rowan stopped. "What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell?"

I turned around and looked at him.

"I don't want to."

He paused for a moment.

After four years together, this is the first time I've rejected him like this.

In the past, even if I had been busy all day in the wind and snow and was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open, I would still try my best to respond if he came close to me.

I'm afraid that if I push him away once, he'll think of me even less in the future.

But that night, I didn't hold his hand again, nor did I apologize for my refusal.

Rowan looked at me for a moment and then pulled the blanket up for me.

"Then go to sleep. You've been too tired lately."

He lay back down and quickly closed his eyes.

I moved closer to the edge of the bed and listened as his breathing gradually became steady.

My luggage is at the foot of the bed. I've already paid the fare, and I also have a place to go on the coast.

Before I leave, I will tell him in person that our partnership is over.

Twelve days left.

Twelve days later, I will cross the mountain pass with the caravan, leave this stone fortress, and leave him behind.

I got out of bed as soon as it was light.

I hadn't slept all night, and my eyes were sore and painful. I brought a bowl of hot soup from the kitchen, sat by the window, and cut myself some bread.

When Rowan came out, he first glanced at the table.

"What about mine?"

"There's still some in the kitchen."

He paused, walked over, put his hand on my shoulder, and lowered his head to kiss my forehead.

I turned to the side to grab my water glass, avoiding it.

Didn't sleep well last night?

"Um."

The hand lingered on my shoulder for a moment before finally letting go.

In the past, I had to beg him for this kiss little by little. At first, he would always forget, saying he wasn't used to such intimate gestures as kissing, so I would tug at his sleeve and look up at him, waiting.

Now that I no longer ask for kisses, he doesn't feel like he's missing anything.

Rowan pulled out a chair and picked up a piece of bread.

"Irving said you entrusted him with the arrangements for the winter tour as well?"

I gripped the water glass tighter.

"We've given him the map, but he still needs to familiarize himself with the route. I'll take him through it today."

“I’ll go with you,” Rowan said. “We can see the mountain pass to the north.”

I looked up.

He had already started eating, and casually added, "Once he can take over, you won't have to run around all day."

I lowered my eyes and finished my soup.

He thought that once I finished this busy period, I would stay by his side.

After breakfast, we set off on horseback.

Before they reached the fork in the road leading to the north mountain, a messenger caught up with them.

“Alpha, Miss Lydia is waiting at the East Gate. She said that if no one accompanies her back to her old house to retrieve her things today, she will go by herself.”

Rowan immediately pulled on the reins.

"Who told her to go by herself?"

She said that her mother left behind some things in those boxes, and she was afraid that if she delayed any longer, she would never be able to find them again.

Rowan turned his horse around: "Tell the guards at the river mouth to go and retrieve her things."

I reached out and pressed down on his reins.

“The people from the river mouth cannot be transferred. A hunter’s trap was just discovered outside the village, and that forest hasn’t been cleared yet.”

"I'll arrange for someone else to fill in for me if I only go for two days."

"Then we should wait for the replacement to arrive—"

"Clara, she's already waiting at the door."

He interrupted me, his voice urging me on.

"I'll go back first and leave her at Stone Castle. You know the way north, so you can take Owen there."

My hand was still on the reins.

He just said he would come with me.

Rowan glanced at my hand, then looked towards the Stone Castle.

I slowly loosened my grip.

"The night patrol at the river mouth cannot be left empty."

"I know."

He sped away with the messenger, never looking back.

Muds kicked up by the horses' hooves landed on the hem of my cloak. I stopped at the crossroads, watching the two figures disappear before tightening my grip on the reins.

In the past, when I encountered something like this, I would always wait a while.

Perhaps he will catch up with her after he has settled her in.

This time, I turned directly onto the mountain road to the north.

Irving and two patrolmen were already waiting there.

I led them across the gentle slope suitable for transporting grain, pointing out the river sections that were impassable in winter. Ouwenhua, like a gray wolf, retraced the route I had indicated.

When he returned, I gave him the map I had kept.

"Next time, you'll lead the team."

He took the map: "Luna, aren't you coming along?"

"I have other plans."

On the way back, we detoured to Hekou Village.

Irving asked the patrolmen who stayed behind, and when he returned, he frowned: "That team of guards set off this afternoon, but the replacement for the night patrol hasn't been decided yet."

I instructed those who remained to guard the village first, and not to scatter into the woods after dark, but to wait for the reinforcements to arrive before taking the original route.

I also wrote these arrangements next to the map I gave Rowan.

I can clearly hand over what I know, but I can't always fill in the gaps he leaves behind.

When they returned to Stone Castle in the evening, Rowan had already come back.

He stood by the brazier in the hall, looking relaxed. When I entered, he reached out and took the map from me.

"They taught it all to Irving?"

"Yes. And the night patrols at the river mouth—"

"I will arrange it."

He unfolded the map, but his gaze lingered on my wrist.

"Where's the bracelet?"

I glanced down. There was a faint mark left where I had worn the bracelet for years.

"Take it off, it's in the way when I do things."

“That bracelet is so old, it should have been replaced a long time ago.” Rowan smiled. “Next time we go to the market, we’ll pick out a new one.”

I looked at him but didn't say anything.

Thinking about the bracelet I took off this morning, I can't quite describe the feeling in my heart.

Lydia called out to him from the other end of the corridor.

Rowan placed the map on the table: "I'll look at it in a bit."

He walked very fast.

I stood there for a moment, turned the side marked "River Estuary Night Patrol" to the top, and then picked up my cloak.

To get back to the bedroom, one must pass through the inner courtyard.

As I walked down the stone steps, I suddenly stopped.

Lydia sat on the veranda, her long hair cascading over her shoulders. Rowan stood behind her, a comb in one hand and a knotted strand of hair in the other.

"Don't move, it'll be untied soon."

She took a soft breath, and he immediately stopped moving.

"Does it hurt?"

"A little."

"Then I'll be gentler."

He put down the comb and slowly untied the knot with his fingers. Lydia looked up at him, and he lowered his head to listen patiently to her.

The map marking the gap in the patrol area is still in the hall.

I gripped the cloak tightly, my knuckles turning white.

Last winter, during a patrol, I was caught in a heavy rain. I barely escaped danger, and when I returned, my hair was so messy that I couldn't comb it. I asked him for help.

He tried it twice, then lost patience and shoved the comb back into my hand.

"I can't do these things, you do them yourself."

That day, I sat alone by the fire for a long time, until my arms ached, before I slowly combed my hair.

I had always hoped that he would comb my hair and warm my hands like a lover, but he has been too busy in recent years, and he is not good at these delicate things, so I have not bothered him anymore.

In the corridor, Rowan finally untied the knot and tucked Lydia's long hair behind her ear.

I looked away and continued walking.

Back in my bedroom, I took the old leather bracelet out of my pocket.

This was hand-woven by Rowan for me when we became engaged.

At that time, he was not yet the leader, and I was always worried about his safety whenever he went out to fight against foreign tribes.

He made this bracelet himself, put it on me, and held my hand, saying that when he wasn't around, this bracelet would accompany and protect me in his place, and that seeing the bracelet was like seeing him.

Over the years, when the leather straps loosened, I tightened them again; and when they wore out, I repaired them twice.

This morning, it took me a long time to untie that knot.

Now, I put it in the fireplace.

The flames licked the leather rope, and the woven strips gradually curled and charred.

I sat by the fire, watching the last familiar shape disappear.

Eleven days left.

This time, I don't need it.

The meeting had just ended when Rowan called me back.

He pointed to the parchment left by Irving: "You also entrusted him with the winter arrangements for each family?"

"Yes. I've already told him which households need their roofs repaired and where the food should be delivered. He'll be in charge from now on."

Rowan nodded, his tone relaxed: "That's good, it saves you from being busy with these trivial matters all day long."

trivia.

I glanced at the few sheets of parchment covered with writing.

I checked these things with my fellow villagers one by one: which households had elderly people who couldn't get through the winter alone, which mountain roads would be blocked by snow first, and when the grain carts would be able to leave in time.

I treated each and every task as Luna's responsibility, doing them meticulously and diligently so that Rowan's rear could be secured and he could feel at ease.

When it comes to him, all you need to see are a few lines of neatly arranged results.

Rowan turned a couple of pages, his brows gradually furrowing.

"Why write it all together? I need to look at the most urgent things first."

He handed me the parchment, his voice softening.

"Or do you know what I need?"

I didn't answer.

“Irving just took over. Tell him your requirements, and he'll know next time.”

Rowan's hand froze in mid-air.

In the past, if he frowned even slightly, I would take the things from him and rearrange them for him.

This time, I was just waiting for him to withdraw his hand.

A moment later, he put the parchment back on the table.

"Alright, let him learn at his own pace."

A servant came in and reminded him of the time for the banquet.

The leader of the valley wolf pack is hosting a wedding banquet for his son tonight. The invitation, sent a few days ago, was addressed to Rowan and his partner.

I looked at him and asked, "Do you need me to come with you tonight?"

Rowan paused for a moment.

"Haven't you been sleeping well these past two days? There are a lot of people over there, and it's going to be noisy until late at night. I've already sent word back that you're not feeling well."

He made the decision for me without even asking me.

"Will Lydia go with you?"

"She knows the people there, so it's a good opportunity for her to go out and clear her head."

Rowan took a step closer and reached out to put his arm around my shoulder.

"Don't overthink it. I'll go out with you alone after I'm done with these things."

I stepped back half a step and picked up my map.

"Perfect timing, I also have plans for tonight."

"What arrangements?"

"Go to Mei's place."

He visibly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Then go ahead. Don't always lock yourself in your room."

I nodded.

The "future" he mentioned still requires him to finish many things.

My trip only has ten days left.

In the evening, when I passed through the front courtyard, all the guests had already gathered.

Lydia, dressed in a deep red gown, stood beside the carriage. Rowan first lifted the hem of her dress, then took her hand and helped her step onto the footboard.

A guest who knew them well laughed.

"Looking at you two, it really feels like we've gone back to a few years ago. You're still so loving after all these years."

Lydia turned to look at Rowan, her cheeks slightly flushed.

He laughed too, without correcting his statement.

She was still holding his hand before the carriage curtain fell.

I stopped behind the pillars and didn't continue walking until the carriage drove out of the gate.

May's brother Finn has returned.

He often leads caravans to various territories, and I will accompany him on this trip to the coast.

May cleared a table for us. Finn spread out a map, confirmed the villages we would stop at along the way with me, and reminded me to bring a rain tarpaulin.

"The weather in Yamaguchi is starting to change, so make sure you're well covered with clothes and blankets."

"I will prepare."

"Where do you plan to stay once we reach the coast?"

I took out the reply and showed it to him.

"Here. They've reserved a place for me to stay. I'll familiarize myself with the nearby mountain paths after I arrive."

Finn finished reading the letter and handed it back to me without asking why I had to leave.

"Ten days from now, before dawn, come to the stables. I'll be waiting for you there."

I held the letter and nodded.

Some people treated my departure as something that needed to be carefully planned, and I was speechless for a moment.

Late at night, Finn escorted me back to Stone Castle.

As we approached the door, we stopped again to check a fork in the road. His map was tucked into my hand, with the reply from the coast underneath.

Suddenly, the sound of horses' hooves came from behind.

Rowan is back.

Lydia was almost entirely leaning against him. He helped her out of the car, and when he looked up and saw Finn and me, the smile on his face immediately faded.

What are you doing so late?

His gaze fell on the letter in my hand.

Who sent it?

I folded up the reply, put it in my pocket, and returned the map to Finn.

"The caravan is about to depart; we are checking the mountain road."

Rowan glanced at Finn, seemingly wanting to ask another question.

At that moment, Lydia gripped his collar tightly and called his name softly.

Rowan, I feel so dizzy.

He immediately bent down to steady her, his hand resting on her waist.

The smell of alcohol wafted over on the wind, mixed with the scents that had mingled from the two people being so close together.

I stepped aside.

"Is she drunk?"

"I had a few drinks."

Rowan paused for a moment.

"Let her stay at the West Tower tonight."

I looked up.

Lydia and her people have always lived in the East Courtyard. The West Tower, however, is where Rowan and I live; the upstairs rooms were originally intended for the two of us only.

“There are too many people in the East Wing, and she keeps waking up at night,” Rowan explained. “I’ve already promised her that she can move next door to us and stay for a few days.”

And I've already agreed.

I'm still standing here, but he doesn't seem to think he needs to ask me about this.

Lydia looked up, her eyes glistening with tears.

"Clara, I won't bother you. I just... don't want to wake up in the night and not have anyone to talk to."

As she spoke, her fingers remained gripping Rowan's clothes.

Rowan patted her on the back.

"Don't be afraid, go upstairs and rest first."

I looked at him, then glanced at the stone steps leading to the West Tower.

"There's no need to have my things packed. There are still empty rooms there."

Rowan was slightly taken aback, then his expression relaxed.

"Of course. I'm just letting her stay temporarily, not asking you to move out."

He thought I was just bothered by the room.

I didn't tell him that I no longer needed anyone to clean up for me.

The luggage at the foot of the bed was already tied up, and the rest of the things will be taken away one by one.

Rowan helped Lydia take two steps forward, then stopped and turned to look at Finn.

"We can discuss matters concerning caravans during the day as well."

After he finished speaking, his gaze returned to me, his tone carrying a familiar reproach.

"Clara, don't meet with other men alone so late. You are my partner."

I looked at his hands that were wrapped around Lydia's waist.

So, he still remembers that I was his partner, Luna of the wolf clan. How ridiculous.

"I'm talking about serious business."

"I didn't say what you did, I was just reminding you to be mindful of your actions."

Lydia snuggled closer to him, her eyes closed, as if she were too sleepy to stand.

I didn't explain further and turned to Finn.

"Thank you for tonight. We'll talk about the rest tomorrow."

Finn took the map, but did not leave immediately.

His gaze shifted from Rowan's face to Lydia, lingering for a moment.

"Alpha, you don't need to remind Clara of her identity."

He put away the map, his voice calm.

"But what is the status of the person in your arms who has moved into her home?"

"guest."

Rowan's face darkened.

"Do I need to explain to you that I'm accommodating a guest in my own home?"

Finn glanced at his hand, which was still around Lydia's.

"The person you need to explain to is not me."

Rowan's jaw tightened, and he forced out a low growl.

I took a step forward.

"Finn, I can handle this. You can go back now."

He looked at me, and only after I nodded did he put away the map and leave.

Rowan stared at his retreating figure, his voice cold and hard.

“There are no problems between my partner and me that he mentioned.”

Lydia then gently struggled.

"It's my fault."

She straightened up, holding onto his arm, her eyes gradually reddening.

"I was only thinking about my own fear and forgot that this is where you and Clara live. I should go back to the East Wing. I can't let you two have a fight because of me."

She had just turned around when Rowan grabbed her.

"Since I've agreed to let you stay, I won't kick you out."

"But Clara..."

"She won't make things difficult for you."

He answered for me before turning to look at me.

"It's just a short stay. You won't mind, will you?"

I watched him take Lydia's hand.

He has already made his promise and comforted her. Now that he's asking me, there's only one answer he's willing to hear.

"Your guests, you take care of them."

Rowan paused for a moment, then his expression softened.

"Of course, I won't make you feel uncomfortable."

I didn't say anything more and walked up the stone steps alone.

Behind her, Lydia whispered that she was cold.

Rowan immediately took off his cloak and wrapped her in his arms.

When I woke up the next day, the other side of the bed was already cold.

I heard hushed voices coming from next door.

I got dressed and went out of the room, and saw Rowan squatting in front of Lydia, loosening her boot laces.

There was a ring of red marks around her ankle from being strapped in.

"You weren't feeling well last night, why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought I could just bear it."

"If you feel unwell in the future, just say so. You don't have to endure it."

He told her to put her feet on the cushion and got up to find another pair of shoes.

I stood at the doorway, my fingers slowly tightening.

I haven't heard him say those words to me in a long time.

Hurried footsteps echoed down the stairs.

Irving caught up, his face grim.

"Luna, something happened at the river mouth. The patrolmen who escorted the tribesmen back to the village last night did not return. The villagers went out to search for them after dawn and found bloodstains in the river bend."

I immediately turned around.

"Where are the people who filled in for the previous ones?"

"Not yet."

Rowan also came out of the room.

After listening to Owen's words, he frowned: "Take two people to check it out first. Clara knows the river well, let her guide you."

I looked at him.

He added, "I'll be there shortly."

Lydia reached out and grabbed his sleeve.

"Rowan..."

He turned around and helped her up: "Sit down first, don't walk by yourself."

I didn't wait any longer.

“Owen, take the ropes and blankets. Have someone inform May that there may be wounded.”

When we arrived at the river mouth, the morning fog had not yet dissipated.

The guards who were supposed to patrol the river and clear out the traps were sent to retrieve something for Lydia and haven't returned yet.

I transformed into a wolf and searched for bloodstains along the riverbank. Owen and two others followed behind, using their spears to push aside the dead branches obscuring the path.

We found the missing person below the river bend.

The patrolman, his leg injured in a trap set by an animal, leaned against the rock face. The mother and child he was escorting, too afraid to cross the forest alone, stayed with him there all night.

The child huddled in his mother's arms, his lips white from the cold.

Irving pried open the bear trap and helped the wounded man to his feet. I walked back the way we came, looking for a place for them to rest.

While crossing a narrow, rocky slope, the child slipped.

His mother reached out to pull him, but couldn't get a hold of him.

I lunged forward and used my shoulder to push him back down the rocky slope, but my left front paw stepped into the dry grass next to me.

The metal suddenly closed up.

A sharp pain shot up my front leg, and I collapsed to the ground with a scream I couldn't suppress.

"Don't move!"

Irving lunged forward, parted the dry grass, and his expression changed instantly.

The teeth of the animal trap are inlaid with silver.

A burning pain pierced my bones in waves. My instinct was to break free, but the place where I was being held was so painful that my vision went black.

Irving held my shoulder down, and the other two people helped to open the clamp.

By the time those rows of teeth finally loosened, I didn't even have the strength to stand up.

After regaining human form, the wound lay across his left wrist, and blood dripped down his fingers.

Irving took off his coat and wrapped it around my arm.

"I'll take you back first."

I looked up and glanced at the road I had come from.

The only traces left in the woods were our footprints.

Rowan did not come.

When I returned to Mei, my sleeves were soaked with blood.

She cut open the cuff and saw the wound. Her face darkened, but she didn't ask any questions. She immediately ordered someone to boil water and fetch a clean cloth.

The medicine was brought to my lips, and I drank a few sips, but my hands still trembled uncontrollably.

“The bones aren’t broken.” Mei held my uninjured hand. “But it’s a silver wound, and it’ll heal slowly. Don’t use your left hand these days, and definitely don’t turn back into wolf form to travel.”

I nodded, rested my forehead on her shoulder, and finally, tears fell.

When she cleaned my wound, I tensed up in pain, and several times I wanted to pull my hand away, but I gritted my teeth and stopped.

"Tell me if it hurts," Mei said softly. "You don't have to bear it."

I heard the same thing next door this morning.

I closed my eyes, but the tears just kept falling.

After our wounds were treated, the guard who was supposed to return to the stone fortress to deliver the message arrived.

He stood by the door, remaining silent for a long time.

May looked up: "Where's Rowan?"

"Alpha asked if Luna's life was in danger. I told him, as you said, that the bleeding had stopped."

"Then what?"

The guard glanced at me.

"The group that went to the old house has returned. Miss Lydia saw the things her mother left behind and kept crying. Alpha said... he'll stay with her for now and come see Luna later."

The room fell silent.

I looked down at my bandaged hand.

A few days ago, I reminded him that the guards at the river mouth could not be transferred.

He said he would only be there for two days.

This morning, he told me to go and rescue people first.

He said he would be there shortly.

Now he knows I'm injured.

He added that he would come later.

Mei gripped my hand tightly and turned to ask the guard to make another trip.

"No."

My voice was so hoarse that it was almost inaudible.

"Let him go and rest."

After the guard left, Mei wiped the cold sweat from my forehead and raised the pillow so I could lean back more comfortably.

"Stay with me tonight."

"good."

I looked out the window at the mountain road leading to the stone fortress, and after a moment, I spoke again.

"May, please tell Finn to move that horse to the carriage."

Her hand stopped.

"You still want to stick to the original schedule?"

Nine more days.

My luggage is in the west tower, the route to the coast is confirmed, and there are people waiting to welcome me there.

I don't want to leave any more days for what Rowan calls "later," and I don't want to waste my life waiting for wolves that don't belong to me.

"Please reserve a spot for me first."

I placed my uninjured hand into Mei's palm.

"Before you leave, please check my injury one more time. If I can get a ride, I'll go."

Two days later, Rowan finally arrived.

Mei Gang changed my dressing. The blood-stained strips of cloth were still in the basin. I pulled up my sleeve with my right hand, but it couldn't cover the thick bandage on my wrist.

He paused at the doorway.

"Why is it still bleeding?"

“Silver wounds don’t heal so easily.” Mei picked up the basin of water. “The messenger should have told you that.”

Rowan looked embarrassed for a moment and didn't reply.

He walked to the bedside and took my right hand in his. His palm was warm, a temperature I had known for many years.

“I thought everything would be fine once the bleeding stopped.” He looked at my face, his brows gradually furrowing. “You’ve lost weight.”

I pulled my hand out and picked up the water glass from the bedside table.

He took it first and brought it to my lips. I took a sip, but didn't lean into his arms as I used to.

"Why don't you send someone to look for me anymore?" he asked in a low voice. "You are my partner. You can call me anytime you need me."

“I called him that day.”

The rim of the glass rested on my lips.

Rowan remained silent for a while before putting down his cup.

“The river mouth has been reinforced with guards. Owen led his men to search the nearby wooded road and found two more traps.”

"That's good."

"Clara..."

He reached out and touched my hair.

I thought I wouldn't ask again, but seeing the worry on his face, I couldn't help but ask.

"If Lydia were trapped, would you also wait two days to go see her?"

His hand paused.

"Don't compare us like that. I'm just as worried about you."

I looked down at the bruises on my left wrist that were sticking out of the bandage.

It turns out that he felt that this answer was enough to put my mind at ease.

Mei pushed the door open and handed me a folded piece of paper.

“Finn brought it. He moved the seats in the car so you can rest against the cushions instead of sitting up straight all the time.”

Rowan looked up.

"What seat?"

"From a caravan."

I unfolded the paper. Finn had written down the location of the carriage and reminded me to bring enough of Meikai's medicine before setting off.

"Are you still planning to go out?" Rowan looked at my injured hand.

"I only left after Mei checked me and gave me permission to travel."

Where to?

"West Coast".

He was visibly taken aback for a moment, then sighed.

"I'm still thinking about that matter."

Of course I'm thinking about it.

There was a room reserved for me, and things waiting for me to do.

Rowan sat down on the edge of the bed: "Once your hand is better, it'll be good to go out for a walk. Leave the wolf pack to Owen, you don't need to worry about it."

"It's already been handed over to him."

"I know." He gently patted my knee. "Take a good rest for a few days this time, and don't think about coming back halfway through the journey again."

I folded Finn's letter and put it into my bag.

Footsteps sounded outside the door.

A waitress stopped at the door and bowed to Rowan.

"Alpha, Miss Lydia has been crying since she woke up. She dreamt of her mother and won't open the door no matter who tries to persuade her."

Rowan immediately stood up.

"How long has it been?"

“It’s been a while. She keeps asking you where you went.”

"Tell her not to be afraid, I—"

He suddenly stopped and turned to look at me.

My left hand rests on the pillow, and the edge of the newly changed bandage is oozing a little dark red again.

Rowan sat down again, picked up his water glass, but didn't hand it to me. His thumb rubbed back and forth along the rim of the glass, his gaze already fixed on the door.

I took the cup from him.

"Go back now."

"I'll go check on her first, and wait until she calms down..."

"Um."

He looked at me, as if he wanted to say something.

Finally, he turned to May and asked, "When will she be able to return to the castle?"

"If you don't have a fever tomorrow, you can go back and continue to rest. Change your medication on time, and you still can't use your left hand."

I'll pick you up tomorrow afternoon.

Rowan leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I will have the car ready."

This time, I didn't say it well.

Unaware of what was happening, he put on his cloak and went out.

I heard him outside the courtyard instructing the maids that if Lydia had nightmares again, she should come to him immediately without waiting.

Mei walked to the bedside and raised my wrists again.

"Does it still hurt?"

I nodded.

She didn't ask Rowan any more questions, but simply handed me the medicine bowl.

***

The next afternoon, the luggage had already been packed away beside the bed.

Mei examined my wound and told me to continue resting in bed after I got back. I put on my coat and sat by the window for half an hour.

There was no movement at the courtyard gate.

"Should we send someone to the castle to inquire?" Mei asked.

"No."

I took out a few copper coins from my purse and asked her to ask someone to pass on a message to Finn.

Finn arrived in his carriage as the sun dipped below the treetops.

He didn't ask me why I was waiting here alone. He simply laid out a folded blanket on the seat, then held onto the car door to help me sit down.

"Go back to the castle first?"

"Hmm. I still have some things to get."

The stone road was uneven. Every time the wheel went over a dent, my left wrist would ache slightly.

Finn drove very slowly.

When we arrived at the castle, the doors to the hall were open. A merchant from the south was tidying up wooden boxes lined with velvet and filled with gold ornaments and polished gems.

Lydia sat at the long table and raised her wrist.

A thin gold chain was wrapped around her wrist. Rowan was looking down, fastening the clasp for her.

"Isn't it too expensive?" she asked softly.

"Stay if you like it."

The merchant smiled and closed the other two boxes as well.

"I'll pack these two items for you as well, Alfa."

Lydia leaned closer to look, her laughter echoing in the empty hall.

I stopped at the doorway, waiting for the pain in my left wrist to subside.

Rowan saw me first.

"Clara?"

He released Lydia's hand and strode over.

Why are you back?

After he finished speaking, he seemed to finally remember something, and his gaze fell on the carriage behind me.

"I was just about to pick you up. The merchant arrived early today, and I need to check on his goods, so I'll leave now..."

Lydia dangled the gold chain behind him.

Tiny gold flakes clinked together, making a soft sound.

I didn't ask him how long it would take to choose these things.

"I'm back to get my clothes."

"Aren't all your things in the room?"

"So I came back to get it."

Rowan frowned: "Where are you going?"

"Mei is there. It's convenient for her to change my dressing."

He looked at my pale face and finally reached out to help me up.

"I'll go upstairs with you."

"No need. Just have the maid move the two boxes at the foot of the bed down; I've already packed them."

He hesitated for a moment, then turned around and ordered someone to fetch it.

Lydia walked over to him and whispered, "Rowan, the merchant is waiting to settle his bill."

He responded, but did not turn around immediately.

"I'll come see you tonight after I've finished dealing with this."

I held onto the car door.

"The plum trees will rest at night."

"Then tomorrow."

I didn't respond to him again.

The two boxes were quickly carried down. Inside were my clothes, maps, and savings I had accumulated over the years.

I didn't wear any of the jewelry Rowan gave me.

Finn secured the box to the back of the car, making sure it wouldn't slide, before coming back to help me into the car.

Rowan stood on the steps and told me again to get some rest.

I nodded.

After the carriage left the city gate, Finn asked, "Was the box also delivered to May?"

I glanced at the small bag beside me.

There are enough clean clothes and medicine in there.

"Place the boxes in your convoy first."

There are still six days before the caravan departs.

Before I left, Mei wanted to check my wound one last time. But I didn't want to linger on things that could be done in advance.

I leaned against the soft cushion and gently supported my injured left wrist.

"Finn, those two boxes don't need to be sent back to the castle."