He Chased My Ghost To Sea

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Three years into our long-distance relationship, I decided it was time for the big surprise.

Id booked a late-night Amtrak to the city, a bouquet of peonies tucked under my arm, and a heart full of plans for Miless twenty-fourth birthday. But when the door to his apartment swung open, the reality didnt match the script in my head.

The man who had just been cooing into the phone, telling me how much he ached for me, was currently pinned against the sofa by another girl. She was kissing him with a frantic, proprietary hunger.

Even as the small crowd around them erupted into whistles and cheers, Miles didnt pull away. His expression wasnt one of resistance; it was a hazy, passive acceptance. From my shadow in the corner of the entryway, I watched them for a long, frozen minute. No one even noticed I was there.

...

When Miles called me earlier that night, I was already standing outside his door, holding a custom-ordered bourbon-vanilla cake.

Id borrowed a nondescript delivery jacket from a courier downstairs and pulled the brim of my cap low. Through the phone, his voice was crystal clear, vibrating with that familiar, boyish charm.

"Babe, I got the gift you sent. I love it so much. Its perfect."

As soon as the words left his lips, a chorus of drunken mocking rose up behind him. His friends were parroting his tone, shouting "Babe!" and "I love it!" into the cramped apartment air.

For three years, Miles had made "loyalty" his entire personality. He told everyone he met that he was taken. His friends all knew my name, my face, and the fact that wed used matching lock-screen photos since sophomore year of college. He didn't hide me; he brandished me like a shield.

Hearing that soft, needy "Babe" made my pulse skip. My ears felt hot. I gripped the cake box tighter, my heart hammering against my ribs like a trapped bird.

Just a few days ago, Id had this impulsive, romantic vision. Id take the train, bring the flowers, and give him a birthday hed never forget.

The call ended. I let out a small, shaky smile, fished the spare key from my pocket, and eased it into the lock.

The moment the door clicked open, my eyes went straight to the living room.

A group was huddled around the sofa in the center of the room. Under the dim, amber glow of the Edison bulbs, I was invisiblejust a shadow in a delivery jacket.

Miles was sinking into the leather cushions. A girlsomeone I didnt recognizehad her hands planted on either side of his head, leaning down to claim his mouth.

They were tangled together, their lips pressed tight in a way that looked practiced. The room erupted again, the cheers turning into a dull roar in my ears. I felt the blood drain from my face, a cold, heavy stone settling in my gut. My hands went numb.

Miles seemed lost in it. And when the girl finally pulled back for air, I didn't see him push her away. I saw him lean up, following the gravity of the moment, and kiss her back.

The cake box hit the floor with a wet thud.

The romantic atmosphere shattered instantly. A dozen heads turned toward the door.

In my panic, my first instinct wasnt to scream or demand an explanation. It was to drop to my knees and try to save the ruined cake.

The white frosting was smeared across the hardwooda soft, pathetic mess. To my touch, it felt like jagged shards of glass, slicing into my dignity until I felt like I was bleeding out right there on the floor.

"Howd the door get open? Who forgot to"

Someone started to curse, and then the room descended into a chaotic scramble of voices. But as I finally looked up, the noise died. Silence fell over the apartment like a shroud.

For three years, I had been the wallpaper of Miless life. My face was his screensaver; our framed photos lined his hallway. Hed hung them up the day I moved back for my masters program, telling me over FaceTime that he needed the "shrine" to survive the distance.

Now, Miles just stared at me, paralyzed. His phone sat on the coffee table, the screen still glowing with a candid photo hed taken of me while I was sleeping. That image of pure, unsuspecting peace felt like a slap in the face.

"Hey, Nora... what are you doing here? You shouldve called, we would've picked you up from the station!"

"Miles is wasted, seriously. He was just saying your name like five minutes ago. You guys are literally goals, haha."

"Look, it was just Truth or Dare. We pushed it too far, totally our fault. Dont be mad, Nora."

The "bros" were already closing ranks, spinning the narrative before Miles could even find his tongue. I saw the girlthe one whod been on top of himclutching Miless sleeve. His friends tried to usher her behind them, and I caught a glimpse of tears welling in her eyes.

There were only a few feet of floorboards between us, but it felt like a canyon had opened up. Miles was suddenly a stranger on the far side of a cliff.

He finally shoved through the crowd, stumbling toward me, frantically wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Nora, babyI dont even like her. It was a mistake. I didn'tI swear I didn't mean to"

He was rambling, his voice breaking in that specific way he knew always melted my heart. He started to cry, big, fat tears tracking through his stubble.

I looked away from the pile of ruined cream on the floor and focused on his lips.

Miles used to tell me those lips belonged to me and me alone. Now, they were stained with a shade of red that wasn't minea bold, mocking crimson. It was a territorial marking, a flag planted on soil I thought I owned.

The last thread of my composure snapped. My throat ached, and without a word, I turned and bolted.

"Nora! Wait!"

I heard him pounding after me, but I slammed the door with every ounce of strength I had left.

The courier was still by his bike downstairs, looking confused. I ripped off the oversized jacket and handed it back to him.

"Thanks," I whispered, my voice sounding like it belonged to someone else. "Ill leave you a five-star review."

He saw my blotchy, red eyes and opened his mouth to ask if I was okay, but the sound of heavy footsteps hitting the stairs cut him off.

Miles caught my arm, his grip trembling. He looked pathetic, undone.

"Nora, please. It was nothing. I was drunk, she jumped me. Please don't leave. You can't leave me."

I stayed silent. Behind him, his friends had spilled out onto the sidewalk, a chorus of excuses following in their wake.

The girl was there, too, rubbing her face. She looked like shed been crying, her voice hitching in her throat. "Nora, Im so sorry. I just... I lost my head. Miles rejected me, I swear, I just forced it..."

The second she said "Miles," he snapped. He whirled around and screamed at her, "Dont call me that! I don't even know you! You're making me sick, just get out of here!"

The girl flinched as if hed hit her. She stood there, stunned, before turning away and letting out a jagged, muffled cough.

As she turned, I felt Miless grip on my arm tighten. He was rigid with tension.

The pressure hurt. I winced and tried to pull away, which seemed to snap him out of his trance. He looked at me, his eyes flitting from anger to desperate concern.

"Babe, are you okay? Did I hurt you? Its freezing out here, your hands are like ice."

He took my hands in his, blowing warm air onto my fingers, completely ignoring the girl hed just humiliated.

The crowd went quiet. The courier, sensing a scene he didn't want to be part of, quietly pedaled away.

I looked at the top of Miless head as he bent over my hands. I felt like a dull knife was being dragged across my chesta slow, rhythmic sawing.

He took my lack of resistance as a sign of forgiveness. He leaned in, trying to kiss my cheek, but I jerked my head away.

I kept my eyes on the pavement, pulling my hands back and smoothing my hair. My voice was eerily flat, like I was commenting on a forecast.

"My train back is in an hour. Take me to the station."

A flash of pure, pathetic relief crossed his face.

"Of course. Anything. Let's go." He fumbled for his keys, led me to his car, and held the door open like he was the perfect gentleman.

When I climbed into the passenger seat, he tried to lean over to buckle my seatbeltthe way hed done a thousand times before. I was faster. I yanked the strap across my chest and clicked it into place, a physical barrier against the world. I didn't say another word.

Miles hesitated, then shut my door gently.

He walked back toward the group. I couldn't see his face, but I watched him in the side mirror. He took off his jacketthe expensive wool one I'd bought him for Christmasand handed it to the girl. Then he ran back to the car.

The heater kicked in, filling the cabin with artificial warmth. As the engine hummed, I stared down at my feet.

I was wearing the sneakers Miles had bought me. I hated heels, so hed filled my closet with every color of flat-soled shoes imaginable.

Miles hadn't finished college. His parents passed away during his sophomore year, and hed had to drop out to work. Hed lived on nothing so I could have everything.

I remembered the leanest month, when he only had twelve dollars to his name. He spent six on a bowl of wonton soup for me and the other six on a single, long-stemmed rose.

Back then, I thought his face was more beautiful than any flower. Hed looked at me with such fierce, terrifying certainty and promised hed get rich just to take care of me.

When his first startup took off, he didn't spend a dime on himself. He transferred the entire first check to my savings account. People teased him, calling him "whipped," but hed just laugh and say he was happy to be my servant for life.

For three years, he wasn't physically there, but he saturated my life. Everything I touched, wore, or used was a gift from him. Even when I told him it was too much, he insisted.

"Where's your jacket?" I asked as he pulled out into traffic. "You were wearing it a second ago."

A chill seemed to cling to him. I wanted an answerI needed to hear the lie or the truth, I didn't care which.

He kept his eyes on the road. His voice was a whisper. "It got... dirty. I took it off. I know you cant stand stains, Nora. I didn't want to bring the mess into the car with you."

The car came to a halt at a red light.

He reached over and gripped my hand so hard it felt like he was trying to fuse our bones together. Like he was afraid if he let go, Id evaporate.

I didn't look at him. I looked at the window. In the black reflection of the glass, I saw a girl crying, and I barely recognized her.

The station was a ghost town. Miles had rushed out in just a thin t-shirt.

I took a deep breath, stepped out of the car, and kept my tone light, professional. "You should get back. I can handle it from here."

He frowned, his mouth opening to protest, but his phone cut him off.

It was one of his friends. Miles tried to ignore it, but it rang again instantly.

He went to hit decline, then changed his mind. Maybe he thought showing me he had nothing to hide would help. He hit 'speaker.'

"Miles, where are you? Daisy is"

The name Daisy hit the air like a gunshot. I saw Miless entire demeanor shift.

He cut the speaker, pressed the phone to his ear, and looked at me with the eyes of a trapped animal. Seeing that I remained expressionless, he stepped several yards away to take the call in private.

I didn't try to stop him. I just sat on a cold metal bench in the terminal, watching the departure board.

When he came back, he looked torn, his face a map of guilt. He reached out and hooked his pinky around mineour secret signal for "Im sorry, lets make up."

I didn't look at him.

"Babe... the door locked behind us and theyre all stuck outside. They can't get back in. I have to go back for a second, okay?"

I didn't answer.

"Just... take a breath. Calm down. You can do whatever you want to me later, just please, don't talk about breaking up. You know youre all I have."

Before he turned to leave, he tapped his phone. A notification chimed on minea massive Venmo transfer.

As his tail-lights faded into the night, I finally blinked. My throat felt like it was full of dry sand.

The old Miles would have printed my ticket for me. He would have checked my bag, made sure I had snacks, and stood on the platform until the train was out of sight.

This time, he didn't even notice that I hadn't gone to the kiosk to get a ticket.

On the big screen, the departures kept flickering. There wasn't even a train back to my campus tonight.

Miles hadn't asked why Id come. He hadn't wondered how I could possibly be leaving so soon.

He was too busy covering his tracks, frantically trying to pull himself out of the mud hed jumped into.

The sky was bruising into a dark, rainy gray. I rubbed my temples, pulled up an app, and booked a slow, grueling Greyhound bus.

The city was hours away from my university. The bus was cramped, sweltering, and smelled of old coffee and desperation. As soon as I took my seat, Miless texts started flooding in.

Nora, today was on me. I screwed up. Please don't give me the death penalty yet. Lets talk.

We were only hanging out for work stuff. I already talked to the partnerswhen you start your internship this summer, you're going to be right next to me in my office.

I need you. I cant breathe without you. Dont throw us away.

I scrolled past the words and tapped on a photo hed sent a week ago.

It was a group shot from a company retreat. Miles was in the center, and right next to him, leaning in so close their shoulders overlapped, was Daisy. She was smiling with a soft, gentle warmth.

When Miles first started the company, hed kissed me and made a promise.

"Behind every great man is a greater woman," hed said. "There will only ever be one female employee in this company, Nora. And thats you. Youre the only queen this castle needs."

It was a cheesy, romantic joke, but Id tucked it away like a treasure.

Now, the "employee" slot was filled. And I realized I didn't want to be the queen of his castle anymore.

The bus was noisya baby crying in the back, a man snoring beside me. But inside my head, it was silent.

I opened the chat, my thumbs shaking as I typed the words, letter by letter.

Miles, were done. Dont come looking for me.

I hit send. I didn't wait to see the "typing..." bubble. I blocked him.

I thought that was the end of it. But a second later, my phone rang. An unknown number.

I picked up. Miless voice was hysterical, a jagged edge of madness bleeding through the line.

"Nora, if you want to break up with me, youll have to kill me first. You hear me? Unless Im dead, this is never happening."

The hair on my neck stood up. I heard the screech of tires on the other enda violent, metallic scream that made my heart jump into my throat.

Then, I heard Miles laugh. It was a cold, hollow sound.

"Phone calls are cheap," he whispered. "Im coming to you. You can say it to my face."