Modern Love Dynamics

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I lived with Larry Evans for three years. We occasionally slept together, but we never kissed. It was the purest form of friends with benefits. Until I accidentally saw him and his secretary acting intimately, her freely entering and leaving his private space. I understood, and discreetly packed up my things. That night, as I left, I sent him a farewell text:

Im going back home to get married. Lets not keep in touch anymore.

Later, I was seeing off a blind date. I turned around and met Larrys gaze. He could no longer maintain his facade of gentle rationality, pressing me against the wall in a fit of rage:

What does he have that I dont? Money, power or is he just better at pleasing you?

1.

Near the end of the workday, a sudden heavy rain poured down. My colleague, Maya Chen, had forgotten her umbrella and sidled up to me, hoping to share mine. I didnt refuse.

As I looked down, opening the umbrella, I heard Maya sigh with envy: It really is best to be a secretary, isnt it? First dibs. Anna Miller has only been here three weeks and shes already sharing an umbrella with Mr. Evans. After three months, will we all be calling her Mrs. Evans?

I looked up. My gaze pierced through the rain, settling on the black umbrella. Two figures walked side-by-side. Larry strode ahead, and Anna jogged to keep up behind him. She ran too quickly, lost her balance, gasped, and stumbled towards the ground. Larry reached out just in time, steadying her by the waist. The scene unfolded perfectly, like a classic romance drama on TV.

I averted my eyes, shook the umbrella handle, and thousands of raindrops plummeted to the ground, creating ripples. Arent you going? If the rain gets any heavier, we wont be able to leave. I prompted.

Maya, seeing I wasnt responding, poked my arm helplessly. Thats Mr. Evans, young, accomplished, and impeccably principled C everyone at the company puts him on a pedestal. Arent you even a little tempted?

She finished, not waiting for my answer, then made a dramatic gesture, clutching her heart as if in pain. Anyway, my heart is aching to see someone else claim Mr. Evanss passenger seat.

Mayas theatrics made me chuckle. I took out my car keys and pressed the button; the lights of my Audi on the roadside flashed on. I playfully lifted her chin and smiled, You might not get to sit in Mr. Evanss passenger seat, but how about sitting in mine?

2.

Dropping Maya off took a bit longer than expected. When I pushed open the door, Larry had just finished placing the last dish on the dining table. He was wearing comfortable loungewear, and the apron he had on seemed to be a matching couple's set the mall had given us during our last grocery run. Under the warm yellow light from above, the usual aloofness that came from his immersion in the business world melted away, leaving only a gentle, soft demeanor.

Larry stepped forward, took my bag, and hung it on the coat rack. Then he bent down, taking out my slippers and placing them by my feet. His fingertips naturally brushed against the ankle strap of my high heel, a warm sensation against my cold skin. I stiffly took half a step back, declining his help. I can do it myself.

Larry paused, but said nothing. I made your favorite pork ribs with pumpkin. Go wash your hands and eat while its hot.

I silently changed my shoes and walked to the sink. As the water ran through my fingers, my thoughts drifted. Three years of living together, and Larry and I had done quite a few things that crossed the line. Helping me take off my shoes was a trivial matter. But just now, as Larry leaned in, an unusual sense of resistance welled up inside me. I knew why, but I didnt want to admit it. It was because of Anna, and because of myself.

Over these three years, living together day after day like a frog slowly boiling in warm water, Id forgotten that Larry and Is beginning was nothing more than a drunken, passionate haze. Id forgotten that his kindness towards me was simply good manners. I had uncontrollably fallen in, mistaking physical needs for love. Annas appearance had jolted me awake, a harsh realization. Thankfully, it wasnt too late to pull away now.

3.

I ate that meal without much enthusiasm, taking only a few bites before putting down my chopsticks and going upstairs to wash up. When I came out of the bathroom, Larry was waiting outside the door. His brow was furrowed, and his gaze, fixed on me, was filled with worry. For a moment, I didn't know how to act towards Larry, so I simply ignored him. As I brushed past him, Larry grabbed my wrist. His grip was tight, as if he meant to leave an indelible red mark on my skin.

Today, you

I sensed what Larry was about to ask. So, I cut him off. Is it time?

A flicker of surprise crossed Larrys eyes. I didnt give him a chance to react, stepping onto my toes and initiating a kiss. But gradually, Larry took over the lead. His palm pressed against the back of my head, deepening what had started as a tentative kiss. Larry couldnt even wait the few steps back to the bedroom. He pushed me back into the bathroom. The humid steam hadn't yet dissipated in the bathroom. Through my thin nightgown, I was pressed against the cold, damp tiles. Larry was my only source of warmth. I could only wrap my arms around his neck, forced to endure everything he brought.

I bit my tongue, suppressing the tremor in my throat. It felt like a competition; speaking first would be revealing my hand, losing everything. I didn't want to lose too badly. Sweat matted my hair to my forehead. Larry reached up and pushed it away. He lowered his head, tenderly kissing away the tears that spilled from my eyes. Dont hold back, call my name, please?

It was always like this. Larry was always like this, using soft, coaxing tones, weaving illusions of love that made me fall into them. Before an uncontrollable sob could escape, I bit hard into Larrys shoulder. Even tasting the metallic tang of blood, I didnt let go. Larry grunted in pain, then chuckled softly in my ear, I really cant do anything with you.

In the end, I had no strength left. Larry carried me back to the bedroom. In a daze, I felt my left hand being gently stroked. I curled my fingertips and asked in a hoarse voice, Whats wrong?

Larry seemed not to have expected me to still be awake. He coughed lightly, as if covering something up, then intertwined our fingers. Nothing, go to sleep.

4.

Everything that happened on that rainy night dried up with the bright, clear day. I had been on a business trip for over half a month, working non-stop, and had no mind to revisit those memories. So, when I carried my suitcase and entered the password, only to run directly into Anna, I couldn't help but feel a moment of bewilderment.

Anna was wearing a lace slip dress. I recognized it immediately as the one I had tucked away in Larrys closet. Annas gaze, initially joyful, turned into a subtle hostility when she saw it was me. She curved her lips into a smile and, in the tone of a hostess, greeted me: Miss Reed, is there something you need?

I rubbed my temples, which ached from exhaustion. I didn't shriek questions at Anna about why she was there, nor did I press Larry about his whereabouts. I simply returned a calm smile. Im just packing up some things, and then Ill be leaving.

After all, I had lived there for three years. I went up and down several times before managing to pack all my belongings. I even took the rose bush Id grown on the balcony, even though Larry had been the one watering it all these years.

I was loaded down with bags. Anna glanced at me and prompted, Miss Reed, you should check carefully to see if youve left anything behind. She tilted her chin, a hint of sharpness in her otherwise sweet, compliant face. After all, theres a new person here, and old things should be thrown out. If anythings left behind, it would be a shame for you to have to pick it out of the trash.

The curve of my lips didnt change. Now that you mention it, I just remembered I do have one last thing I havent taken. My gaze swept over Anna, my eyebrows slightly raised. The slip dress youre wearing is mine. Do you want to take it off for me?

You! Anna covered her chest, her face flushing with indignation.

I didnt want to descend into a verbal battle with her. I waved my hand and said blandly, Never mind. I have a bit of a germ phobia. Its yours.

5.

I returned to my old rented apartment with my heavy luggage. Even after moving in with Larry, I had never given it up. Probably because I was too pessimistic, feeling that everything with Larry was nothing but a mirage. Eventually, I would wake from the dream. It was fortunate that I was so pessimistic, allowing me a place to stay now.

I quickly washed up. Unable to fight off the exhaustion from working non-stop, I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke again, it was already evening. Endless darkness swallowed me. My heart suddenly skipped a beat, filled with an indescribable loneliness. This feeling was like being abandoned by the world.

Fortunately, this mood didn't last too long, broken by the sudden ring of my phone. I picked up, and my mother's voice reached my ear. What she said wasn't new. It was just the same old worries, asking if I was eating and sleeping well, if work was going smoothlythe same familiar questions she'd repeated for years. I listened quietly, responding occasionally. Finally, a slight catch in my mother's gentle voice.

Audrey, are you coming home for the holidays this year?

I wasn't sure why my mother was asking about holiday plans so early, but I answered truthfully: Not sure yet. Why?

There was a pause before she replied, Its nothing. Mom just hasnt seen you in a long time and misses you a bit.

Her words hit me like a hammer to the chest. A dull ache of sadness welled up. I grew up in a single-parent home. My concept of family was always vague. My childhood memories were only of my father, idle and drunk every day. He had a bad reputation, involved in gambling, drinking, and womanizing. When he won money, my mother and I had it better; at least we werent beaten. But when he lost, it was different. Hed get violent from the alcohol, grab my mothers hair, and drag her into the bedroom, where only a single bare bulb dimly glowed, like a butcher dragging prey to slaughter. The old house was in disrepair, and the door didnt close tightly. At just five years old, I was forced to watch my mother suffer through a narrow crack in the door. Inside, my mothers piercing screams echoed. Outside, I cried, my hands bruised and bloody from hitting the door. I couldnt break it down. I couldnt stop the torture from continuing.

This went on for a long time. Until the day my fathers veined fist landed on me. My usually submissive mother suddenly fought back. She grabbed a kitchen knife and swung it wildly. You animal! If you dare touch Audrey, none of us will live! Her black hair was disheveled, and blood seeped from the wound on her forehead. At first glance, she looked like a demon crawled out of hell. My father was startled and stormed out, cursing. My mother put down the knife, suddenly losing all strength, and pulled me into her arms. Tears dripped, soaking my hair, and her voice choked out, Dont be afraid, Audrey. Mom will take you away.

Later, my mother single-handedly supported our home. She fought tooth and nail to put me through school. All I could do was study hard, work hard, and succeed so she could enjoy a peaceful life. But these years, I had only focused on making money, forgetting that what she truly needed was companionship.

I looked at my savings; that string of zeros was enough for me to be set for the rest of my life. I no longer had a reason to stay in the city. After realizing this, I spent a week settling work handovers and processing my resignation. That night, as I left, I felt completely unburdened. I didnt even bring a suitcase. Before boarding the plane, I sent Larry one last text message. It was a period at the end of our three years.

Im going back home to get married. Lets not keep in touch anymore.