I Died at Dawn While You Watched the Sun Rise

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For the very last tour group of my guiding career, I never expected to be hosting my ex-boyfriend, Carter, on his honeymoon.

I stood at one end of the suspension bridge, framing him and his new wife through the camera lens.

Through the viewfinder, I watched the woman cling to Carters arm. Her voice was dripping with sweetness. "I read online that couples who kiss on this bridge will stay together forever."

Carters gaze swept over me. He paused for a fraction of a second, then lowered his head and kissed her. His tone was unwavering. "That's right. We're never going to be apart."

I quickly lowered my head, pretending to fiddle with the camera settings. I fought back the tears threatening to spill, blaming the sharp coastal wind for making my eyes sting.

Three years ago, on this exact spot, I was the one he kissed.

Back then, he told me that this suspension bridge represented a promise through life and death. He promised to bring me here every single year.

But Carter would never know that I didn't have "forever" anymore.

My eighth round of treatment had failed. The doctors told me I had, at most, three days left to live.

After the photos, Carters wife joined the rest of the group to pick wild lavender.

Only Carter and I were left at the head of the bridge.

I kept my head down, pulling my sun hat lower and adjusting my mask to cover half my face.

But the next second, he reached out and grabbed my employee lanyard.

The thin cord bit into the back of my neck, forcing me to tilt my head up and meet his eyes.

"Summer. It really is you."

"Ran out of gambling money, so you switched careers to be a tour guide?"

His eyes were sharp, carrying the weight of a heavy winter snow. The icy glare made me shiver.

He had recognized me. Since when?

A short distance away, the girl named Madison came jogging over.

"Babe, do you know the guide?"

Those fingers suddenly tightened. I let out a low gasp of pain as the lanyard snapped.

He let out an incredibly soft scoff.

"No. I mistook her for someone else."

The ID badge fell to the dirt. I bent down to pick it up, but as I stood back up, my vision went completely black for a moment.

I quickly grabbed the wooden railing, keeping my head bowed as I waited for the dizzy spell to pass.

"Let's go."

Carter wrapped his arm around Madison and walked away.

I clutched the broken lanyard. It still held the residual heat of his palm.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't finish guiding this group.

Ben, our head tour guide, was standing on the other side of the bridge. When I walked over, he had just hung up his phone.

He looked at me with an incredibly complex expression.

"Summer, did you offend Carter, the CEO of our private VIP group?"

"He just called corporate. He specifically demanded that you stay with them for the entire trip. He said if your service leaves him unsatisfied, hes pulling his investment."

"Carter is the majority shareholder, and his wife, Madison, is the daughter of our second-largest investor. If we piss them off, our local branch is..."

Is dead.

Fourteen of my colleagues would lose their jobs, all because of me.

My fingers unconsciously twisted the hem of my shirt.

I had forgotten. Three years had passed. Carter was no longer that eager, bowing junior sales rep.

He was in a completely different league now. With a snap of his fingers, he could crush an entire travel agency.

"I understand."

I returned to the group, pasting on a polite smile as I checked the three couples into their hotel rooms.

But the moment I finished and returned to the tiny staff room, a knock sounded at the door.

Madison stood there in a silk slip dress, her fresh, youthful face glowing with a bright smile.

"Excuse me, Summer. I really don't like our room number. Your room, 208, is actually quite nice. Could you let us have it?"

I looked past her to Carter in pure shock, only to see him raise an eyebrow.

"Is that a problem?"

Ben's warning echoed in my ears. I spoke immediately.

"Of course. It's just that tour guides aren't allowed to stay in the guest presidential suites, and the hotel is fully booked..."

"Did you really think you were worthy of staying in our suite?"

Carters gaze swept across the floor with utter contempt.

"This room is small and filthy anyway. Who knows what kind of pests might crawl out of the corners."

"As a guide, it isn't too much to ask for you to sleep in the hallway so you're available whenever we call, right?"

A dull, throbbing pain struck my heart. I clenched my hands into fists.

"No. It isn't."

I turned around and walked toward the cheap dresser.

"I'll just grab my bag and head out to the hall..."

"Get the hell out right now. Wait until I call you."

A large hand grabbed my collar and shoved me violently toward the door.

I stumbled forward, losing my footing. My forehead smashed into the hallway wall. A sickening thud echoed through the corridor right before Carter slammed the door shut behind me.

Agony exploded from my brow, shooting straight to the crown of my head.

My throat tightened. I almost threw up on the carpet.

Thank God the hotel had thick wallpaper to soften the blow. I touched my forehead. No blood.

After the eighth failed chemo treatment, my blood platelet count had plummeted to catastrophic levels.

My blood simply couldn't clot anymore. A single bleed meant I would just bleed to death.

I wasn't afraid of dying.

But I refused to die right in front of Carter.

Leaning against the wall, I slowly slid down to the floor, enduring the sensation that my skull was splitting open.

From inside the room, Madison's soft moans drifted through the wood, accompanied by Carters heavy breathing, filled with intense possessiveness.

"Babe, why are you so... slow down, you're going too fast..."

Carter let out a low, husky laugh.

"I finally married the woman of my dreams. How could I not be in a rush?"

The woman of his dreams. He had completely moved on. He had found a new love.

My head was pounding harder now.

I fumbled around, trying to find my painkillers, only to realize I had left the bottle in my backpack inside the room.

"Babe, be gentle. Someone is right outside the door..."

Carter didn't reply, but the sounds that followed grew even more frantic.

When it was finally over, he called out to me.

"Summer."

I gritted my teeth, using the wall to pull myself up.

Just as I managed to stand straight, the door was violently yanked open.

Carter stood over me, tossing a crumpled bundle of fabric at my chest.

It was the jacket I had casually left on the bed.

"If you're not dead."

"Get in here and change the sheets."

The staff room was cramped and windowless. The aftermath smell was suffocating.

Madison had gone to take a shower.

Fighting down a wave of severe nausea, I stripped the bed and bundled the damp sheets into my arms, rushing toward the door.

Behind me, Carter lit a cigarette. He let out a cold, mocking laugh.

"And here I thought you actually had a spine."

The harsh scent of tobacco burned my eyes. I hurried out into the hall.

I found four backup pain pills in my jacket pocket. I swallowed one dry, then curled up against the doorframe, shivering until dawn broke.

The next day involved a mountain hike. Carter specifically demanded that I lead the two of them.

Ben knew how sick I was and offered to take my place.

But Carter silenced him with a single glare, leaving Ben to mouth a silent apology to me.

I gave Ben a reassuring nod, swallowed another pill, and took their heavy backpacks, leading the way up the trail.

Everything was going fine until we reached a steep set of stone steps. My foot slipped on some loose gravel. The sheer weight of their bags dragged me backward.

In a moment of sheer panic, I grabbed onto a jagged rock protruding from the cliffside, barely managing to steady myself.

Madison started screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Babe! She's trying to drag us down with her to die!"

I forced the rising panic down my throat and turned around. They had already retreated to a wide, safe plateau. Carter was holding a crying Madison in his arms, stroking her hair.

He looked at me with venom in his eyes.

"If you want to die, do it yourself. Don't try to take us down with you."

For a split second, I felt entirely unmoored from reality.

Three years ago, our breakup had been an ugly, explosive mess.

To force him to pay off my "gambling debts," I had pressed a kitchen knife to his throat, demanding a wire transfer.

He didn't hesitate. He sent me every penny he had, begging me to stop gambling, pleading with me to let us live a normal life together.

But I refused.

I pulled out a massive accidental death insurance policy and told him to fake a fall from a twenty-eighth-floor balcony so I could take the payout and win back everything I had lost in Vegas.

He stared at me in absolute disbelief for a long time. The warmth in his eyes froze over, leaving nothing but pure, unadulterated hatred.

He said, "Summer, if you're rotting from the inside out, leave me out of it."

"If you want to die, go ahead. But don't expect me to be your sacrificial lamb."

A sharp slap to my left cheek snapped me back to the present. The stinging pain cleared my vision.

Madison was sobbing, tears streaming down her flawless makeup.

"You absolute psycho! We just got married and you almost got us killed!"

"I'm telling my dad! I'm going to make sure your pathetic little agency goes bankrupt!"

The force of the slap made my head spin. I shook my head in a daze.

"I didn't..."

"You still won't admit it!"

She raised her hand and delivered another vicious slap. She wound up to strike me a third time.

Carter stood by the side, watching me with dead eyes. As she hit me, he even reached out a protective arm, resting his hand on the small of her back to keep her steady.

When the third slap landed, I took it without flinching. Then I opened my mouth.

"I am so sorry. It was my fault. Please don't file a complaint against me."

Madison shrieked, "We almost lost our lives! What good is a pathetic apology!"

I swallowed the metallic taste of blood rising in my throat. It took exactly one second for me to drop to my knees.

"I'm sorry. You can keep hitting me if it makes you feel better. Just please let the agency go."

A sheer cliff drop was less than ten inches away from me.

Madison trembled with rage and fear. She turned and threw herself into Carters chest, crying hysterically.

"Babe, I want to grow old with you. I want us to have beautiful kids. We can't die out here!"

Carter comforted her with a soft, gentle voice.

"I'm here. We aren't going to die."

Then he violently yanked the heavy backpacks off my shoulders. The sudden force threw me off balance, and I swayed dangerously close to the edge of the cliff.

He acted like he didn't even notice. Standing over me, he delivered his verdict.

"I'm taking my wife back to rest. You can sit here and reflect on what you've done."

"You are not allowed to come down this mountain before sunset. If you do, shutting your agency down will be the least of your worries."

By the time the sun dipped below the horizon, the temperature plummeted.

When I finally made my way down to the base of the mountain, I saw a roaring bonfire. The entire VIP group was sitting around it, chatting and laughing.

Madison was still furious. She turned her head away, refusing to look at me.

Carter sat poking the fire with a long stick, equally silent.

The chill of the mountain descent had seeped deep into my bones. Every step toward the fire felt impossibly heavy.

"Carter. Madison. Everything that happened today was entirely my fault. I apologize."

Carter finally looked at me. With chilling apathy, he pointed at two bottles of hard liquor sitting on the dirt.

"Drink the liquor, and we'll forgive you."

Madison protested immediately.

"Babe! That's letting her off too easy! She literally tried to murder us!"

Her accusations were getting more ridiculous by the minute.

The rest of the tourists stared at me in shock. Ben was terrified, waving his hands frantically to de-escalate the situation.

Terrified of bringing ruin to the agency, I tried to explain.

"I didn't. I just slipped..."

Carter cut me off with a voice made of ice.

"So you don't want to drink?"

I froze.

It wasn't that I didn't want to drink. I physically couldn't.

My oncologist had been crystal clear. My intracranial pressure was critically high. Alcohol would rapidly accelerate my death.

According to the natural progression of the disease, I could have held on until they boarded their flight the day after tomorrow.

But if I drank this...

"Drink it, and I will personally inject capital into your local branch."

"Refuse, and every single one of you can pack your bags. You'll never work in this industry again."

Carters cold words sealed my fate. I pinched the webbing between my thumb and index finger hard.

"I'll drink."

Ben swallowed hard. He pasted on an awkward smile and tried to snatch the bottles.

"Mr. Kensington, Summer has a really weak stomach. How about I drink for her?"

"I've got a great liver. Forget two bottles, I could put away ten for you right now!"

Carters dark eyes locked onto him.

"Are you her boyfriend, or her husband?"

"No, I'm just her coworker..."

"Then what gives you the right to drink for her?"

Ben broke out in a cold sweat, intimidated into silence.

I didn't want Ben to suffer because of me. I reached out and took the bottles back.

"You're a man of your word, Carter."

I took a deep breath, tilted my head back, and drained the first bottle as fast as humanly possible.

When I finally lowered my head, it felt like a bomb had detonated inside my skull. Blinding pain caused my vision to flicker, reducing the world to a watery blur.

But there was still one bottle left.

I fumbled blindly until my fingers closed around the glass neck. I drank the second one with the same desperate speed.

Involuntary tears poured down my cheeks. My throat constricted violently.

It was the terrifying precursor to severe, violent vomiting.

Biting my lower lip so hard I tasted iron, I used every ounce of willpower I possessed to force the rolling nausea down. Squinting through the blur, I found Carters silhouette.

I couldn't read his expression, but I knew he was furious.

"I finished them, Carter."

"Thank you for the investment."

I bowed deeply, then turned and began walking toward where I remembered the restrooms were.

But the alcohol hit my bloodstream too fast.

Halfway there, I felt my blood pressure skyrocket. Every single heartbeat tugged at my brain, dragging it through shattered glass.

I clamped my jaw shut, stumbling wildly until I found the restroom door.

I barely managed to lock it behind me before I collapsed over the toilet, vomiting until the world spun into absolute darkness and I passed out on the tiles.

When I woke up and dragged myself out of the bathroom, it was past two in the morning.

The bonfire was dead. The crowd was gone.

My vision had finally cleared just enough. My legs gave out completely, and I crumpled onto the ground. Digging into my pocket, I found my last two pain pills and swallowed them dry.

Footsteps approached.

I fought to open my eyes. Carter was standing over me, looking down from his pedestal.

Under the pale moonlight, the same eyes that used to crinkle with joy when he shoved my frozen hands into his pockets after closing a big sale were now overflowing with pure, unadulterated hate.

"Summer. Why aren't you dead yet?"

I opened my mouth, but I didn't have the strength to form words.

"Back when you needed cash for the casino, couldn't you put away eighteen bottles before throwing up? Now you can't even handle two? Drop the act."

He glanced at the restroom, then sneered at me.

"You stole every cent I had and ran off, leaving me with a hundred grand in debt to loan sharks."

"I thought someone as vicious as you would be living the high life. But look at you. A stray dog, bowing and scraping just for a little corporate handout?"

The painkillers finally kicked in. I struggled to push myself into a sitting position.

When I spoke, my voice was raw gravel.

"I drank the liquor, Carter. Please just remember your promise."

Veins popped on his neck. Every word was forced through clenched teeth.

"Is this pathetic agency really that important to you?!"

"You told me you'd rather die than stop gambling! Well, if you aren't gambling anymore, what the hell are you still breathing for! Look at yourself! You puke your guts out and all you care about is the agency! Then why did you do that to me..."

"Summer is over there!"

A chorus of frantic shouts interrupted Carters inexplicable rage. The agency staff had found us.

Ben practically bowed in half, apologizing profusely.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kensington. Summer didn't mean any disrespect. She's always had a terrible reaction to alcohol..."

A few colleagues rushed over and scrambled to pull me up. I swayed heavily, collapsing against Ben's shoulder.

Carters gaze felt like a knife carving into my spine. He spoke with glacial calm.

"Don't forget. You're taking us to see the sunrise at three."

Ben tried to play peacemaker. "Mr. Kensington, three in the morning is freezing. Besides, I'm the local sunrise expert. Let me take you guys."

Carter stared him down, his face a mask of hostility.

"Are you tired of being employed?"

Ben went completely rigid.

The other guides exchanged terrified glances. Nobody dared to breathe.

I let out a quiet sigh in my heart.

Over the last three years, across eight rounds of chemo, my colleagues had chipped in to pay for half of my medical bills.

They barely made ends meet themselves. I couldn't drag them down.

I pushed gently away from Ben and nodded.

"I'll head to the beach right now to wait for you and Madison. Remember to dress warmly. The ocean wind is biting."

When we reached the beach, my colleagues wrapped a thick woolen blanket around my shoulders, lingering to give me endless instructions before finally leaving.

I sat in the sand, hugging my knees, staring out at the pitch-black ocean. The freezing wind made my skull feel like it was cracking open.

But my pills were gone. All I could do was endure it.

I didn't know how much time had passed before Carter arrived with his arm around Madison.

Madison rolled her eyes. "Just looking at her ruins my mood... Achoo!"

"Careful, don't catch a cold."

Carter gently pulled her coat tighter. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed me. He issued a flat command.

"Give the blanket to my wife."

But my hearing was already gone.

The crash of the waves and the howling wind rushed toward me, but I lived in total silence.

I knew it was almost time to go.

A sudden lightness hit my shoulders. The blanket was snatched away.

I turned my head in confusion, but my eyes could only register blurry, shifting shadows.

I saw them speaking, though I heard nothing. Then they walked a short distance ahead of me, sitting down to stare at the horizon.

I remembered now. Carter brought his new wife here to watch the sunrise.

Three years ago, Carter had brought me here to do the exact same thing.

That day, we kissed on the suspension bridge. We took photos in the lavender fields.

We talked by the bonfire all night, then rushed to the beach, leaning against each other as we waited for the sun.

Carter had told me the suspension bridge meant life and death together. He said we would come back every year.

But Carter, I didn't have forever.

I was destined to die, and you were destined to find someone new.

The freezing wind dragged across my cheek. I felt my heartbeat slowing, fading into a sluggish rhythm. Every breath required monumental effort.