Love and Hate, As Wretched as Ashes

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After my best friend got out of an abusive marriage, I did everything to help her get back on her feet.

I gave her money, gave her a place to live, and even set her up with her own womenswear boutique.

She was shy and easily embarrassed, so I ran around on her behalf, promoting the shop and bringing in customers myself.

My fianc, Joe Henson, frowned in disapproval.

"If she can't run a business, she shouldn't open one. You have to clean up after her every single time. What is she, a grown baby?"

That set off a fight between us.

"Yara Abbott is no different from my own little sister. When you disrespect her, you disrespect me!"

Later I spent six months abroad on business, and when I came back there were ninety-nine outfits from the boutique in the house.

Joe made a point of showing off over video call.

"See? Look how well I've taken care of your dummy friend's little shop. Aren't I good?"

I told myself, warmly, that this was his way of compromising because he loved me.

So I flew home early to surprise him.

Instead I walked in on Joe and my best friend tangled up together in the boutique's back room.

"Joe, same as always. Remember to give Zellie one of the outfits later. Don't give her money, or I'll feel guilty."

"Ninety-nine times now. You planning to hand her the whole store? I'm the one who wanted this, who chose to love you. You don't have to sacrifice your own interests!"

I stood outside the door, the blood in my body freezing over.

Those ninety-nine outfits weren't him supporting my best friend's business.

They were a count of how many times they'd betrayed me.

At two in the morning, the ashtray in front of me was piled with cigarette butts.

Finally the front door opened.

Joe walked in with Yara on his back, the two of them laughing and talking.

"Joe, put me down. I've put on weight lately, I'm heavy."

"Carrying the woman I love, I don't care how heavy you are."

Then they noticed me sitting on the sofa, and both of them froze at once.

Seeing the ninety-nine shopping bags heaped in the living room, Yara's expression shifted, and she quickly slid down off his back.

She gave a stiff laugh and reached for my hand.

"Zellie, you're back? Mymy shoes didn't fit today, they rubbed my skin raw, so Joe just carried me home to deal with it"

I didn't want to hear her clumsy excuse. I pulled my hand away.

"If I hadn't come back, I never would've known the keypad code on the house Joe and I were going to live in had been changed to your birthday."

Yara looked cornered, at a loss for how to explain, and instinctively turned to Joe.

Joe held out a cup of warm water to me.

"This place is close to Yara's shop. Sometimes she works too late doing inventory, and I worried she was worn out, and it isn't safe for a woman to go home alone in the middle of the night, so I let her rest here."

Over these past few years, Joe had learned how to throw an opponent off in business.

Now he was using it on me.

If he hadn't found the house empty in the dead of night, with neither of them reachable.

If I hadn't thought something was wrong, I never would have walked in on something so sickening.

I laughed, bitter.

"That's true. I bought the sofa in that back room too narrow. It must've been exhausting, the two of you on it."

I looked at Yara and nudged a shopping bag with my toe.

"Was my man good in bed? These clothes you gave me, are they the fee for buying your best friend's boyfriend? Very generous of you."

Yara's face went a shade paler. "Zellie, I'm sorry, I"

Before she could finish, she covered her mouth and started to cry.

Joe immediately pulled her behind him and frowned at me.

"Zelda Barnes, calm down. I made the first move. Don't take it out on Yara, she can't handle harsh words."

He pressed the car keys into her hand and wiped her tears for her.

"There, don't cry. Go wait in the car for me, I'll be down soon."

That gentle tone, like he was soothing a child.

Yara glanced at me and murmured, "Then talk to Zellie properly. Don't fight because of me."

But my eyes caught on that little cartoon Conan bead keychain on the car keys.

It made a matched pair with the Ran charm hanging on Yara's phone.

"Didn't you say things like that were childish? That you didn't like them?"

Joe stood at the window, and only after he'd watched Yara safely get into the car did he answer me.

"Zellie, people change. Feelings... do too. I hope you can understand."

I gave a mocking little laugh.

People used to ask Joe if he ever got tired of me, after almost ten years together.

Joe would raise a brow and answer.

"Have you ever seen anyone get tired of the air? Zellie is my air. Without her, I'd suffocate."

And now he stood there in front of me, perfectly at ease, asking me to understand his cheating.

"The first time with her was March twelfth. The power went out at her place that night. She's afraid of the dark, and she didn't know who to call, and you were out of the country."

"When I got there, she was curled up in a corner, her face covered in tears, like a frightened little rabbit. It broke my heart."

My breath caught.

That was the night my stomach flared up out of nowhere, the pain leaving me shaking all over, and all I wanted was to hear Joe's voice.

But his phone wouldn't go through, no matter how many times I tried.

Afterward he said he'd been out late for a work thing and had fallen asleep, and I even told him not to wear himself out.

Thinking about it now, it was almost funny.

Joe slipped off our matching rings and set them gently on the coffee table.

"Zellie, Yara is more fragile than you. She needs my protection and care more than you do. I'm going to marry her."

"I'll leave this house to you as compensation. From here on we can still be friends and colleagues."

"It's fine if you hate me. But I hope you can at least go a little easier on Yara. Don't make her feel guilty."

It struck me then how absurd it all was.

Joe used to look down on Yara. He said she was like a giant baby who'd never grown up, that I was the only one who could put up with her.

I even argued with him over it, told him to be kinder to her.

Now the tables had turned.

I looked at the ring on my finger. He'd insisted on slipping it on before I left for the trip.

"My wife's so wonderful, everybody loves her wherever she goes. I can't have some handsome guy overseas stealing you away. Wear this ring, and everyone will know you're taken."

I never imagined that the marriage I'd waited so long for would end before it even began, and end in betrayal.

I couldn't hold back the fury inside me. I grabbed the glass of water and threw it in his face.

"You make me sick!"

His expression didn't change at all. His voice stayed calm, but there was a warning in it.

"Zelda, I know you're upset. It's normal to want to vent. If that wasn't enough, I don't mind letting you throw another. But you'd better not take this to Yaya. I don't want her stressing over something like this."

"Otherwise, we both know how much of your youth and energy you've poured into that company. It's like your child. I don't think you'd have the heart to walk away from it, would you?"

"After all, starting over sounds easy, but very few people ever pull it off."

I stared at him, unable to believe it, my nails digging into my palms.

He was using his position as my boss to pin me down.

The company, the projects, the team. All of it was years of my heart and effort.

Joe really was a capable businessman.

He knew the more you'd invested, the more you had to lose, so he threatened me without a shred of hesitation.

Not until he was gone did the tears I'd held back for so long finally fall.

The next day was Yara's weekly day off from the boutique.

I took a cab to her apartment.

When she saw me, she looked away, uneasy. "Zellie, why... why are you here?"

I pointed at the ninety-nine shopping bags behind me. "To return these. What, aren't you going to invite me in?"

She pressed her lips together, hesitating, but in the end she stepped aside from the door.

Once I was inside, I finally understood why she'd hesitated, and why Joe had left so cleanly.

He hadn't even packed his things, just texted me to throw it all out.

He'd already made a home here.

There were his-and-hers slippers by the entryway, matching toothbrushes in the bathroom, and the body wash he always used was already half gone.

A whole row of his clothes hung in the closet, and on the wall was a photo-booth strip of the two of them, heads pressed together.

Looking at all of it, I let out a soft laugh.

"How nice. While I was away, the two of you were living the good life."

She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, trying to change the subject. "Zellie, those clothes are my way of making it up to you. You don't have to return them"

I laughed, bitter.

"Yara, when your ex-husband beat you and cheated on you, I was the one who brought people over in the middle of the night to stand behind you, who pulled strings to help you win the case."

"You said you didn't want to trouble your parents, that you'd fallen out of touch with the world and were done living at other people's mercy. I paid for your apartment, rented your storefront, covered your advertising. Every dime you spent on inventory came from me."

"People laughed at me for being a sucker, but I didn't care. We grew up together. As long as you were okay, that was enough. But now you're living in the apartment I gave you, sleeping with my boyfriend, and using my money to make it up to me. Don't you think that's ridiculous?"

Her eyes went red, and she dropped to her knees. "Zellie, I know what I did was wrong, but I'm two months pregnant. I want to keep this baby. I want to give him a whole family."

"I love Joe. There's no one else I can lean on like this, no one who makes me feel safe. You've been good to me since we were kids, always giving in to me. Can't you give in to me one last time?"

Yes. I'd known since childhood that I had to be good to Yara.

The year I was seven, my father and stepmother decided I was dead weight, that I'd drain resources away from my little brother.

In the dead of winter they dumped me at a bus station and the three of them moved to another city.

I found my way home by memory, only to find the house already sold. I had nowhere to go, and I nearly froze to death on the roadside.

It was Yara, from next door, who carried me back home and got her parents to take me in, splitting everything they had with me.

So I made up my mind to repay them, to always give in to her.

Once I had money, I bought them a house, paid Frank's medical bills, handed over cash by the fistful every year.

But it was precisely because I'd treated her like my own sister that her betrayal was the one thing I couldn't accept.

I stared quietly at her belly.

"Yara, for the sake of the twenty-some years between us, and out of respect for your parents, I'll give you one chance."

"Get rid of the baby and cut things off with Joe. Sisters or a cheating man. You decide."

Her hands flew to her belly, and she shook her head, choking back tears. "Zellie, I admit you've given me a lot, but I want a happy family. I can't live without Joe, and my child needs a father too"

"I'll close the boutique, I'll give the apartment back to you. But Joe, he's the one thing I can't give you."

I laughed at myself.

"Yara, what you're doing is no different from the mistress who wrecked your marriage. I'm ashamed of you."

She froze for a moment, then dropped the fragile act.

She snatched up the shopping bags and hurled them at me, one after another.

"Zelda, what gives you the right to look down on me? If it hadn't been for me, you'd have died a long time ago. Everything you give me, you owe me!"

"I'm not leaving Joe, because I won't let my child grow up like youan unwanted stray!"

I stood there frozen, forgetting even to wipe away the blood where the sharp edge of a bag had cut my forehead.

This was the woman I'd treated as my own sister, taking the thing that hurt me most and driving it in like a knife.

Yara worked herself up so hard that she clutched her stomach and cried out in pain.

Years of habit made me reach out to steady her without thinking, and someone shoved me hard to the floor.

Joe pulled Yara into his arms and flung a bank card in my face, furious.

"Zelda, Yaya is pregnant. Provoking her wasn't enough, now you want to get physical?!"

"There's enough on this card to cover all that money. Don't use it to guilt-trip Yaya!"

Yara dragged me up, sobbing, and shoved me out the door with all her strength.

"You wicked woman, get out. From now on we're even. I'll never let anyone wreck my family or hurt my child again!"

My heels gave out under me, and the shove sent me down.

My head struck the elevator door hard, and something hot spilled out.

Not one of them cared.

The door slid shut in front of me, and from inside came the faint sound of Joe soothing her.

I slumped against the floor and let the tears fall, a bitter smile on my face.

The night I first brought Yara back from her ex-husband's home.

His mistress had come to the door and beaten her, and she'd lost the baby, two months alongand all she could do was cry, helpless.

It had been dangerous that time. Even Joe was shaken, gripping my hand and swearing:

"Zellie, I'll treat you well for the rest of my life. I'll never let you go through what Yara went through."

"If I ever fail you, or lay a single finger on you, let me lose everything."

Later, when Yara saw me running back and forth at the hospital, worn out and three days without sleep, she said, full of guilt:

"Zellie, I've made you worry over me again. I'll learn to be braver. From now on, if Joe ever mistreats you, it'll be my turn to protect you."

Now one of them had finally found a little courageand turned it on me.

And the other had long since forgotten his vow.

A few days later, Beulah Sullivan, a client I was close with, called me.

"Zellie, that best friend of yours just blasted an ad to everyone. Says she sold off her store and opened a new one somewhere else."

"Rent in that area isn't cheap. I asked aroundword is Joe put up the money, and she's even renamed the place 'Belle Vera.' Practically spelling it out for everyone. Isn't he your boyfriend?"

"The girls all shopped there out of respect for you. So what on earth is going on now?"

I said flatly:

"Yara is carrying his child. Whatever happens between them from now on has nothing to do with me."

Beulah went quiet for a few seconds, then muttered a curse under her breath:

"Got it. When you need help, just say the word."

A week later, my leave ended, and I went in to work as usual.

Joe called me into his office.

The door had barely shut when he slammed me against the wall:

"Zelda, was it you spreading rumors to Yaya's old clients, calling her a mistress?"

"They've canceled their memberships now, deleted her, and called her goods filthy. Do you have any idea she was so wrecked she nearly lost the baby? You'd really stoop to something this low?"

I laughed, cold and sharp:

"Whether it's a rumor, you know perfectly well. I only told them the real reason we broke up."

Joe drew in a deep breath:

"Call those people right now and explain. Clear Yaya's name. And apologize to her publicly."

"In your dreams."

Joe's face went hard. "Zelda, you're forcing my hand. Don't regret it."

That night, Joe put up two posts to his feed.

The first said we'd been incompatible and had broken up long ago.

He hadn't expected me to hound him, thoughspreading filthy rumors about his girlfriend, smearing her name, showing up at their door to harass her, nearly causing her to lose the baby.

He reserved the right to sue me, was terminating my employment, and was reclaiming every project I'd handled.

He also put out a notice to the whole industry: I was bound by a two-year non-compete, and if anyone took in a morally bankrupt employee like me,

the company's legal team would sue at once.

The second post was the moment he proposed to Yara and she said yes.

The caption:

With me here, I'll never let you or the baby suffer a thing.

Team members, and clients I'd worked with before, all started messaging me privately to ask what was going on.

Before I could reply, the company group chat wouldn't stop lighting up.

Wow, congrats to the boss on finding true love! Wishing the boss and his lady endless happiness!

Dying, I've had it up to here with Zelda for ages, always playing the cold aloof career woman, such a poser, what man would ever like that? Good riddance, she's finally out of the company, congrats to the boss for cutting his losses and escaping the misery. Having a psycho ex like that is honestly terrifying, they should just throw her in jail.

Let's all look forward to Zelda getting blacklisted in the industry. And by the way, the new lady of the house is clearly the gentle, kind, wifely type. She and the boss are a perfect match!

The veterans on my team tried to put in a few fair words for me.

They got shot down on the spot.

Quit going on about the projects. Fighting for the company's interests was just her job, okay? That doesn't make her not a bitch. Without her, the boss can still grow this company just fine. She really thought she was somebody.

To curry favor with Joe, they doctored my photos every way they could into ugly meme stickers.

Paired with all kinds of vile captions.

Joe sent fat cash gifts to everyone offering congratulations, while turning a blind eye to all the people cursing me out.

I was shaking with rage. I called Joe.

"When did you trick me into signing that non-compete? You want to strangle my whole career to death?"

His tone was careless.

"I was only thinking of the company's interests. If you want to cancel the agreement early, you have to pay the penalty. And you know exactly how high the penalty is at your level."

"These past few years you gave most of your money to Yara's parents. You can't come up with that kind of sum. But in two years, can you guarantee that other companies in the field won't question whether your ability has slipped, that they'll still want you?"

"So, Zellie, all you have to do is publicly apologize to Yara, say you smeared her out of jealousy, and I'll bring you back to the company, same terms as before. Think it over carefully. Don't be stupid with your own future."

I slammed the phone down, my fist clenched hard.

I never could have imagined it. The lover I'd once been inseparable from, the partner who'd stood by me through everything at work.

Could scheme against me like this.

Once I'd calmed down, I made a call to Beulah.

"Beulah, I need your help."

Half a month later, Aunt Diane Abbott suddenly got in touch.

"Zellie, Yara's getting engaged this weekend. You'll come too, won't you?"

"Honestly, this girl. She got a boyfriend and didn't even tell the family. Three months pregnant already, and she waits until the engagement to say anything."

"I still haven't met her boyfriend. Do you know him?"

I paused. So Joe was afraid I'd cause a scene. He'd hidden it well.

"Yes. Very well."

"Is that so. You're a good girl. Anyone you know well must be a good man."

Aunt Diane's voice was as kind as ever.

"Come to think of it, you and Joe should be getting married too. I still want to help raise your babies."

"So we'll see each other this weekend. You and Yara promised each other since you were little that you'd never miss any of the other's important moments. Now you've both found good homes, and I can rest easy."

My voice came out hoarse. "All right. See you this weekend."

I set the phone down, an odd guilt settling in my chest.

Whatever else was true, Aunt Diane had loved me like her own daughter.

But I wasn't the one who'd done wrong. Even if she blamed me, I had no choice but to do what I was going to do.

The engagement banquet Joe had arranged for Yara was lavish, with plenty of clients and friends from the circle invited.

When they saw me, they both looked stunned.

The banquet hadn't started yet. Aunt Diane and Uncle Frank were probably still on their way.

Yara clutched the hem of her dress and worked up the courage to speak.

"We've already cut ties. You're not welcome here. Please leave."

Joe frowned too.

"Zelda, what are you doing here? I don't recall inviting you."

I smiled.

"Didn't you want me to publicly apologize and explain myself? I've made up my mind. I'll say my piece and go."

"Don't worry. I won't hold up the start of your engagement banquet."

With that, I walked straight toward the stage.

Joe tried to stop me, but bodyguards who'd appeared out of nowhere pinned him down.

Off to the side, Beulah gave me a quiet nod.

I picked up the microphone, my words clear.

"None of you are strangers here. I imagine you've all seen Mr. Henson's social media."

"He wants me to apologize to his fiance and clear up the rumors. But I think words alone lack sincerity, so I've prepared a little presentation."

"Now, please enjoy."

The moment the words left my mouth, every eye in the room went wide.