Love and Hate Fade Like Lingering Smoke

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When my childhood best friend got divorced after his wife cheated on him, I wanted to help him get back on his feet.

I gave him money, gave him an apartment, and set him up with a menswear boutique of his own.

He was shy and thin-skinned, so I ran around myself, promoting the place, bringing in customers.

My fiance, Trudy Henson, frowned, unhappy about it.

"If he doesn't have what it takes, he shouldn't be running a store. You have to clean up after him every single time. What is he, a grown baby?"

That was what set off our fight.

"Hudson Coleman is no different from my own little brother. If you treat him badly, you're disrespecting me!"

Later I went abroad on business for six months, and when I got back there were ninety-nine men's outfits from the boutique piled up in the house.

Trudy showed them off on a video call, fishing for praise.

"See? Look how well I've been taking care of that idiot friend of yours and his business. Aren't I being good?"

I was touched. I thought it was her way of giving in because she loved me.

So I came home from France early, wanting to surprise her.

Instead I walked in on Trudy and my best friend, tangled together in the boutique's break room.

"Trudy, same as always. Remember to grab an outfit for Des later, don't take his money, or I'll feel guilty."

"It's already ninety-nine times. Are you going to give him the whole store? I'm the one who wanted to like you. You don't need to sacrifice your own interests!"

I stood outside the door and felt the blood in me freeze.

So those ninety-nine outfits weren't her taking care of my friend's business.

They were the number of times the two of them had betrayed me.

At two in the morning, the ashtray in front of me was full of cigarette butts.

The front door finally opened.

Hudson carried Trudy in on his back, the two of them laughing and talking.

"Hud, put me down. I've gained weight lately, I'm heavy."

"Carrying the woman I love, I don't care how heavy she is."

Then they caught sight of me sitting on the sofa, and both froze at once.

When Hudson saw the ninety-nine shopping bags piled in the living room, his face shifted, and he quickly set Trudy down.

He came over with a forced little laugh.

"Des, you're back? Trudy's shoes didn't fit today, they rubbed her heel raw, so I carried her home"

I didn't want to hear his clumsy excuses. I moved my hand out of his reach.

"If I hadn't come home, I never would've known the electronic lock code to my apartment with her had been changed to your birthday."

Hudson looked cornered, at a loss for how to explain, and instinctively turned to Trudy.

Trudy held out a glass of warm water to me.

"This place is close to Hudson's store. Sometimes he's counting inventory until it's late, and I didn't want him worn out, and it's not safe for him to go home alone in the middle of the night, so I let him rest here."

Over these last few years, Trudy had learned how to throw an opponent off in business.

Now she was using it on me too.

If I hadn't found the house empty in the dead of night, unable to reach either her or Hudson,

I wouldn't have panicked, thinking something had happened, and I wouldn't have walked in on something that sickening.

I gave a sardonic little laugh.

"That's true. I bought that sofa in the break room too narrow. Must be tiring for the two of you to sleep together on it."

I looked at Hudson and nudged the shopping bags with the toe of my shoe.

"Was my woman a good lay? Are these clothes you gave me your payment for whoring out your friend's girlfriend? Very generous."

Hudson's face went a shade paler. "Des, I'm sorry, I"

He didn't finish. He covered his mouth and started to cry.

Trudy immediately pulled him behind her and frowned at me.

"Desmond Vance, calm down. I was the one who made the first move. Don't take it out on Hud, he can't handle harsh words."

She handed the car keys to Hudson and wiped his tears for him.

"There, don't cry. Go wait in the car, I'll be down soon."

Her tone was gentle, the way you'd soothe a child.

Hudson looked at me and said quietly, "Then talk it out with Des properly. Don't fight over me."

But what I noticed was the little cartoon keychain on those car keys, a bead-craft figure of a girl.

It matched the one hanging off Hudson's phone perfectly, a pair.

"Didn't you say things like that were childish, that you didn't like them?"

Trudy stood at the window, and only after she saw Hudson safely into the car did she answer me.

"Des, people change. Feelings change too. I hope you can understand."

I laughed at myself.

People used to ask Trudy whether ten years with me had gotten boring.

Trudy would raise an eyebrow and ask right back,

"Have you ever seen someone get tired of the air they breathe? Des is my air. Without him, I'd suffocate."

And now she stood in front of me, perfectly at ease, asking me to understand her affair.

"My first time with him was March twelfth. The power went out at his place that day. He's afraid of the dark, and he didn't know who to call. You weren't in the country."

"By the time I got there, he was curled up in a corner with tears all over his face, like a frightened little rabbit. It broke my heart."

My breath caught.

That day my stomach flared up out of nowhere. I was shaking all over from the pain, and I wanted to hear Trudy's voice.

But I couldn't get through to her, no matter how many times I called.

Afterward she said a work dinner had run late and she'd fallen asleep. I even told her not to overdo it.

Thinking about it now, it's almost funny.

Trudy took off our matching engagement rings and set them gently on the coffee table.

"Des, Hud is more fragile than you. He needs my protection and care more than you do. I'm going to marry him."

"I'll leave this apartment to you as compensation. From now on we can still be friends and coworkers, same as before."

"It's fine if you hate me. But I hope you can at least be a little more forgiving toward Hud. Don't make him feel guilty."

The irony hit me all at once.

Trudy used to complain endlessly about Hudson, calling him an overgrown baby, saying I was the only one who could stand him.

I'd even argued with her about it, telling her to treat him better.

Now it was the other way around.

I looked at the ring. She'd insisted on slipping it onto my finger before I left on that trip.

"My man's so wonderful, everyone falls for him wherever he goes. I can't have some foreign girl overseas stealing you away. Wear this ring, and everyone will know you're taken."

I never imagined that the marriage I'd waited so long for would end in betrayal before it ever began.

The anger boiled over. I grabbed the water glass and threw it in Trudy's face.

"You make me sick!"

Her expression didn't shift at all. Her voice stayed calm, with a warning threaded through it.

"Desmond, I know you're angry. It's normal to want to let it out. If that wasn't enough, I don't mind letting you throw another. But you'd better not make a scene in front of Hud. I don't want him upset over something like this."

"Otherwise, well, we both know how much of your youth and energy went into that company. It's like your child. I imagine you wouldn't want to leave it behind. Am I right?"

"After all, starting over sounds easy, but hardly anyone actually pulls it off."

I stared at her, unable to believe it, my nails digging into my palms.

She was leaning on me as my boss.

The company, the projects, the team, all of it was years of my life poured out.

Trudy really was a capable businesswoman.

She knew the more you'd given, the more you had to lose, so she threatened me without a shred of hesitation.

It wasn't until she was gone that the tears I'd held back for so long finally fell.

The next day was Hudson's weekly day off from the shop.

I took a cab to his apartment.

When he saw me, he looked away, uneasy.

"Des, why, why are you here?"

I pointed at the ninety-nine shopping bags behind me.

"Returning some things. What, aren't you going to invite me in to sit?"

He pressed his lips together, hesitating, then finally stepped aside from the door.

Once I was inside, I understood why he'd hesitated, and why Trudy had left so cleanly.

She hadn't even packed her things, just texted me to throw them out and be done with it.

She'd already made a home here.

Couple's slippers sat by the entryway. Couple's toothbrushes stood in the bathroom. The body wash Trudy always used was already half gone.

A whole row of his clothes hung in the closet, and a photo booth strip of the two of them, heads pressed together, was stuck to the wall.

Looking at all of it, I let out a soft laugh.

"Nice. While I was gone, the two of you settled right in."

Hudson tugged at the hem of his shirt, awkward, trying to change the subject.

"Des, those clothes are my way of making it up to you. You don't have to return them"

I laughed, and there was nothing but scorn in it.

"Hudson, when your ex-wife's affair partner came pounding on your door, I was the one who brought people over in the middle of the night to back you up, who pulled strings to help you win the case."

"You said you didn't want to bother your parents, that you'd fallen out of step with the world, that you were done reading people's faces. So I paid for your house, rented your shop, ran your advertising. Every time you restocked, that money came from me."

"People laughed at me for being a sucker, but I didn't care. We grew up together. As long as you were doing well, that was enough. But now you're living in the house I gave you, sleeping with my girlfriend, and using my money to make it up to me. Don't you find that funny?"

Hudson's eyes went red. He dropped to his knees.

"Des, I know what I did was wrong, but Trudy's two months pregnant. I want to keep this baby. I want to give him a whole family."

"I love Trudy. There's no one else I can lean on the way I lean on her, no one who makes me feel that safe. You've been good to me since we were kids, always giving in to me. Can't you give in to me one last time?"

Yes. I'd known since childhood that I had to be good to Hudson.

The year I turned seven, my father and stepmother decided I was dead weight, that I'd take from my younger brother's share.

In the dead of winter they left me at the station and the three of them moved away.

I found my way home from memory, only to discover the house had already been sold. I had nowhere to go, and nearly froze to death on the roadside.

It was Hudson, from next door, who carried me home on his back, who got his parents to take me in and give me half of everything they had.

So I made up my mind to repay them, to always give in to Hudson.

Once I had money, I bought them a house, paid Uncle Joshua's medical bills, handed over piles of cash every year.

But it was precisely because I'd treated Hudson like my own brother that his betrayal was the one thing I couldn't accept.

I watched him quietly.

"Hudson, for the sake of twenty-some years between us, and out of respect for your parents, I'll give you a chance."

"Have Trudy get rid of the baby, and end it with her. Your brother or a woman who cheats, you decide for yourself."

He bit his lower lip and shook his head, choking on the words.

"Des, I admit you've given me a lot, but I want a happy family. I can't be without Trudy, and my child needs a father"

"I'll close the shop, I'll give the apartment back to you, but Trudy is the one thing I can't give you."

I laughed at myself.

"Hudson, what you're doing right now is no different from the mistress who wrecked your marriage. I'm ashamed of you."

He froze for a second, then dropped the fragile act.

He snatched up the shopping bags and hurled them at me like a madman.

"Desmond, who are you to look down on me? If it weren't for me back then, you'd be dead. Everything you give me, you owe me!"

"I'm not leaving Trudy. I won't let my child grow up like you, some unwanted bastard nobody wanted!"

I stood there frozen, so stunned I didn't even wipe the blood where the sharp edge of a bag had cut my forehead.

This was the man I'd treated as my own brother, taking the thing that hurt me most and driving it into me like a knife.

Hudson stumbled getting up, and old habit made me reach out to steady him before I even thought about it. He shoved me down hard.

Trudy threw herself in front of him and slammed a bank card into my face.

"Desmond, Hud has depression. Provoking him wasn't enough, now you want to raise a hand to him too?!"

"There's more than enough on this card to cover that money. Stop using it to guilt-trip Hud!"

Hudson dragged me up, crying, and shoved me out the door.

"Get out, you monster. We're square now. I'll never let anyone wreck my family or hurt my child again!"

My heels gave out under me and I went down.

My head cracked hard against the elevator door, and something hot ran down.

Not one of them cared.

The doors closed in front of me. From inside came the faint sound of Trudy soothing him.

I slumped against the floor and let the tears come, laughing bitterly.

The night I'd first brought Hudson back from his ex-wife's place.

His ex-wife had aborted their child behind his back, the mistress had beaten him half to death, and all he could do was cry, helpless. It had been touch and go that time, and even Trudy had been shaken. She'd gripped my hand and sworn to me:

"Des, I'm going to be good to you for the rest of my life. I'll never let you go through what Hudson did."

"If I ever betray you, let me lose everything."

Later, when she saw me running around the hospital, wrecked from three sleepless nights, Hudson had said, ashamed:

"Des, I've made you worry about me again. I'll learn to be braver. From now on, if Trudy ever bullies you, I'll be the one protecting you."

Now one of them had finally found a little courage, and used it to attack me.

The other had forgotten her vow long ago.

A few days later, Jarvis Mason, a client I got along well with, called me.

"Des, that childhood friend of yours just blasted out an ad to everyone. Says he closed his shop and opened a new one somewhere else."

"Rent in that district isn't cheap. I asked around. Word is Trudy's the one footing the bill, and he's even renamed the place 'Coleman & Moon,' like he's afraid people won't get the point. Isn't she your girlfriend?"

"The guys only bought clothes there because of you. So what's going on now?"

I said flatly:

"She's carrying Hudson's child. Whatever they do from here has nothing to do with me."

Jarvis went quiet for a few seconds, then cursed under his breath.

"I get it. You need anything, you say the word."

A week later, my leave ended and I went back to the office as usual.

Trudy called me into her office.

The door had barely shut before she shoved me against the wall.

"Desmond, was it you spreading rumors to Hud's old clients, telling them he was the other man?"

"Now they've canceled their memberships and cut him off, saying his stuff is filthy. Do you have any idea he was so torn up he nearly slit his wrists? You'd really stoop to something this low?"

I laughed, sharp and cold.

"Whether it's a rumor, you know perfectly well. All I did was tell people the real reason we broke up."

Trudy drew in a long breath.

"Call those people right now and explain. Clear Hud's name, and apologize to him publicly."

"In your dreams."

Her face went cold all the way through. "Desmond, you're the one forcing my hand. Don't regret it."

That same night, Trudy posted twice to her social feed.

The first said we'd broken up long ago over clashing personalities.

But that I'd refused to let go, harassing her, spreading vicious lies about her boyfriend, smearing his name, and even showing up to pick fights and get physical.

She reserved the right to sue me, announced she was firing me, and clawed back every project in my hands.

She also put out an industry-wide notice: I was bound by a two-year non-compete, and if anyone took in an employee as morally bankrupt as me,

the company's legal team would sue immediately.

The second post was a shot of her proposal to Hudson going through.

The caption:

With me here, I'll never let you suffer a single wrong.

Team members and clients I'd worked with before all messaged me privately, asking what was going on.

Before I could reply, the company group chat kept spitting out messages.

Wow, congrats to the boss on finding true love, wishing her and the new man endless happiness!

Dying laughing. I never could stand Desmond, walking around all day with that cold, stuck-up look like he was some big deal. What woman would ever fall for that? Good riddance, he's finally out of the company. Congrats to the boss for cutting her losses in time and escaping that misery. Having a creepy ex like that is genuinely terrifying. They should throw him straight in jail.

Let's all look forward to Desmond getting blacklisted from the industry. And by the way, the new man looks like exactly the gentle, kind, devoted husband type. He and the boss are a perfect match!

One of the veterans on my team tried to say a few fair words for me.

He got shot down on the spot.

Quit bringing up the projects. So he fought for the company's interests, that was his job, wasn't it? Doesn't mean he isn't a piece of trash. Without him the boss can still build this company up bigger and stronger. He really thinks he's somebody.

To curry favor with Trudy, they chopped up my photos into ugly memes.

Paired with all kinds of vile captions.

Trudy sent fat red-envelope cash gifts to everyone who congratulated her, and turned a blind eye to every insult thrown at me.

I was shaking with rage as I called her.

"When did you trick me into signing that non-compete? You want to drag my career down until it's dead?"

Her tone was careless.

"I was only thinking of the company's interests. If you want to cancel the agreement early, you have to pay the breach penalty. You know how high that penalty is for someone at your level."

"These past few years you gave most of your money to Hudson's parents, so you can't come up with that kind of sum. And in two years, can you guarantee that other companies in the industry won't question whether your ability has slipped, and still want you?"

"So, Des, all you have to do is publicly apologize to Hudson, say you smeared him out of jealousy, and I'll let you come back to the company, same terms as before. Think it over carefully. Don't be stupid with your own future."

I slammed the phone down, my fist clenched tight.

I never could have imagined that the lover I'd once been inseparable from, the partner who'd built a career alongside me,

could scheme against me like this.

Once I'd calmed down a little, I called Jarvis.

"Jarvis, I need your help."

Half a month later, Aunt Phyllis Coleman suddenly got in touch.

"Des, Hudson's getting engaged this weekend. You'll come too, won't you?"

"That boy. Dated a girl and didn't even tell the family. She's already three months pregnant, and he only says something now, right before the engagement."

"I haven't even met his girlfriend yet. Do you know her?"

I paused. So Trudy was afraid I'd cause a scene, that was why she'd kept it hidden so well.

"Yeah. Very well."

"Is that so. You're a good boy. Anyone you know well must be a good person."

Aunt Phyllis's voice was as gentle as ever.

"Come to think of it, you and Trudy should be getting married too. I still want to help you raise your kids one day."

"Then we'll see you this weekend. You and Hudson promised each other as boys that you'd never miss any of each other's big moments. Now you've both found good homes, and I can finally stop worrying."

My voice came out hoarse. "Okay. See you this weekend."

I set down the phone, an odd guilt settling in my chest.

Whatever else was true, Aunt Phyllis had truly loved me like her own son.

But I wasn't the one in the wrong. Even if she ended up blaming me, I had no choice but to do what I was going to do.

The engagement party Trudy had arranged for Hudson was lavish, with plenty of clients and friends from the circle invited.

When they saw me, both of their faces filled with shock.

The party hadn't started yet. Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Joshua were probably still on their way.

Hudson gripped the hem of his shirt and worked up the courage to speak.

"We've already cut ties. You're not welcome here. Please leave."

Trudy frowned too.

"Desmond, what are you doing here? I don't recall inviting you."

I smiled.

"Didn't you want me to apologize and explain publicly? I've thought it over. Once I've said my piece, I'll go."

"Don't worry. I won't hold up the start of your engagement party."

With that, I walked straight toward the stage.

Trudy tried to stop me, but bodyguards appeared out of nowhere and held her back.

Off to the side, Jarvis gave me a small, quiet nod.

I picked up the microphone, every word clear.

"None of you are strangers to me, and I imagine you've all seen Ms. Henson's social media feed."

"She wanted me to apologize to her fianc and clear up the rumors. But I felt that just saying the words had no sincerity, so I put together a little presentation."

"Now, please, enjoy."

The moment the words left my mouth, everyone's eyes went wide.