Nowhere Without You

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After my family went bankrupt, I became Christian's kept woman, a call-girl at his beck and call.

Watching my mother in the ICU, I gritted my teeth, mimicking the moves of those adult film actresses, desperate to please him in bed. When Christian slapped my butt, casually telling me to lift it higher, I felt nothing but shame. Still, I swallowed it down, reminding myself: Just hold on a little longer, Mom needs this money to live.

Youre really something when youre like this, so wanton.

I was mortified, my voice hoarse as I asked, "When will you transfer the money?"

He lit a cigarette, a dismissive tone in his voice. "Next month, I guess."

A chill instantly spread through me. I turned, pleading desperately, "But you said tomorrow! My mom won't last until next month. Please."

Christian slowly exhaled a smoke ring, his voice as calm as if discussing the weather. "The liquid funds went to buy Melissa the latest sniper rifle. The girls on her first mission, needs a little reassurance." He expected me to throw a fit, to turn everything upside down like before. But this time, I was just too tired.

"You're going out like that?"

Christian glanced at my torn clothes, his gaze sweeping to the door he'd deliberately left ajar. I knew he was reminding me that his men had seen everything through the gap. But theyd witnessed far more humiliating things; what was this?

I numbly pushed the door open, but he seized my wrist. "Can't you show some decency?"

I met his gaze, unflinching. "Did you ever give me any decency?"

He fell silent. We both knew the truth.

From the age of nineteen, after I beat him three times consecutively in a sniper competition, he became utterly infatuated with me. He'd always said he loved the fierce, unyielding look in my eyes when I pulled the trigger. But in just seven short years, he grew tired of it. All it took was Melissa, the new recruit, snuggling into his arms and whimpering, "Christian, Audrey's stare... it scares me so much."

And he personally severed the tendons in my hands, ensuring I could never hold a gun again. Seven years of sharing life and death, reduced to nothing by a newcomer's tear. He'd brought up breaking things off seven times, each instance because Melissa wanted a title. Even now, knowing my mother lay in the ICU, waiting for money to save her life, he remained unmoved.

My eyes suddenly burned. My voice, rough with unshed tears, asked, "How much did that sniper rifle cost?"

He said, with a shrug, "Three million."

Three million. My heart felt like it was being squeezed by an unseen hand, a pain that stole my breath. I only needed fifty thousanda mere fraction of that amountto save my mother. Seven years with him, and I was worth less than Melissa's sniper rifle. Christian was a man of his word; if he said a month, he wouldn't change it, even if I died on the spot.

I stopped arguing, pulling the door open. Outside, a few team members were smoking, falling silent as they saw me. They awkwardly averted their eyes, one of them giving a forced chuckle. "Audrey, is your special training over?" They exchanged knowing glances, suppressing muffled laughter.

Christian hurled a glass from inside, the shards grazing my lower leg. Drops of blood seeped into my trousers, but I barely felt it. He frowned at the bloodstain, then, for show, tossed his jacket over my shoulders. "I said a month, not that I wouldnt give it to you. Who are you putting on a face for?" The jacket wasn't even buttoned, just draped carelessly, a performance for the onlookers.

I gazed deeply at the man I had loved for seven years. I always thought if I was just a little more obedient, a little more subservient, he would remember how I once shielded him from a bullet, willing to give my life. They say true love feels empathy, but his eyes held only cold indifference.

The moment I stepped out of the compound, all strength drained from me, my legs trembling too much to stand. As tears streamed down my face, I heard unrestrained laughter from inside.

Someone asked Christian, "It's clear the Howards were set up this time. Christian, aren't you going to do anything?"

Christian's voice was dismissive. "I set the trap. Melissa said Audrey publicly humiliated her when she first joined the organization, and after all these years of feeling wronged, she deserves some satisfaction."

"Aren't you worried she might actually leave? She's a top sniper, tough as nails."

Christian laughed outright. "Don't be silly. Known her for eight years, been with her for seven. When has Audrey ever not come running back at my call? If she could really leave, I'd actually think more of her."

I leaned against the wall, biting down hard on my hand to stifle a sob. The family bankruptcy, my desperate pleas for help met with silence C it was all Christians doing. All because Melissa shed a tear three years ago.

The wound on my leg clung to my damp clothes, each movement tearing at my skin. I pictured my mother, tubes everywhere, and remembered the doctor's warning: No payment, no machines. I slapped myself hard, twice. "Idiot. If you hadn't fallen for him, you wouldn't have dragged your whole family into ruin." I never imagined a love I'd entrusted my life to would end like this.

The Fosters controlled half the underground arms trade; Christian's word could mean life or death. He was determined to appease Melissa, and no one in the criminal underworld dared to help me. I stood shattered on the bridge spanning the river, gazing at the churning water below, nearly wanting to leap. But I couldn't. If I died, what would happen to Mom?

"Wait, Melissa." I suddenly remembered her.

Three years ago, on an international mission, I, as Miss Howard, attended with her; she was a new recruit then. In the lounge, a drunken arms dealer groped her leg. I happened to see it and intervened. At the time, Christian and I were in a cold war over his rumored affairs. He, ever keen to provoke, chuckled in front of everyone, "So, Miss Howard is the only one who likes playing the hero? You, new girl, you're under my command from now on."

I never realized that was the beginning of our tangled three-way mess.

I dont know when Christian started seeing Melissa. He showered her with top-tier equipment, hired the best instructors for her special training, and assigned her to the most critical missions. To ensure she never suffered the slightest injustice, he bought an entire smuggling route and gifted it to her for her birthday. Whenever Melissa so much as frowned, Id know it without even asking. Christian would cut off contact with me, then make amends on my behalf to the organization. Hed always say, "Melissa is fragile; she can't handle these things." She couldn't be wronged, so it always had to be me.

I stumbled to the private club where Melissa's celebration was being held tonight, only to be stopped by bodyguards at the door. "Apologies, Miss Howard, but Mr. Foster has given instructions that Miss Melissa is not to be disturbed by anyone."

This club used to be a place Christian often brought me. Now, I was discarded, and no one would show me any courtesy. The night wind cut through my thin clothes, reopening my wound, making my teeth chatter with pain.

"Let her in." I looked up to see Christian standing in the hallway, looking down at me. Something flickered in his eyes, quickly replaced by coldness. "Who are you trying to play the victim for? Don't you know a high fever will trigger your old wound?"

He was right. Id been shot in the lung saving him once, and catching a chill always gave me a fever. During the best of our relationship, he would always wrap me in his coat, staying by my side all night while I received IVs.

I lowered my head. "I want to speak with Miss Melissa."

Christian frowned slightly, a mocking smirk playing on his lips. "You're still the same, Audrey." He was afraid I would give Melissa a hard time. After all, I had "previous offenses."

When I first found out Melissa was constantly calling Christian in the dead of night, claiming nightmares, I stormed into her dorm. In front of the entire team, I threw her phone into the swimming pool. As everyone snickered, Christian walked over and slapped me. Every team member froze. I jutted out my chin, staking my claim. "You're my man. No one gets to bother you in the middle of the night." Christian merely gave me a cold glance, then publicly shielded a pale-faced Melissa behind him. "Look at you, you crazy witch. Do you even deserve to call me your man?!" He left me standing there, exposed to everyone's whispers and pointed fingers.

Melissa then replaced me for a crucial overseas mission I'd been preparing for a month. During that time, Christian locked me in the dungeon for "reflection." For every day Melissa was upset, I was kept locked away. Without food or water. It took Christian a whole week of sweet-talking before he came back. And to shield her from the gossip, he directly transferred a port operating license to her as compensation.

I shook my head, forcing a smile that was more a grimace. "I just want to explain to her that we have nothing to do with each other anymore." The clear suspicion on his face made my chest ache.

I admitted I still loved him. Knowing Christian, as the Foster scion, had immense pride, I had never crossed him all these years, fearing even a glance might hurt him. Yet, I never anticipated he would be so cruel to me. All to appease Melissa, he orchestrated the ruin of my family, cutting off my livelihood. It wasn't that I didn't love him; it was that I couldn't anymore.

Once the hurt broke through, it spread wildly. My eyes instantly turned red. Christian's brows furrowed. "Just talk, why are you crying..."

He was about to lift his hand when a figure rushed out of the club. Melissa, in a custom evening gown, exuded an aura of lavish confidence. Far more dazzling than the timid newcomer she once was. More than me, she looked like the princess Christian cherished.

"Why are you out?" Christian's tone softened instantly.

She lowered her head, her eyes barely reddening before Christian was flustered, pulling her into an embrace and gently coaxing, "Who made our Melissa upset?" Melissa then broke into a tearful smile, playfully hitting his shoulder, whispering, "I heard Audrey was here, so I came out to see."

"Did you see her? Are you satisfied?" He asked Melissa, but his gaze landed on me.

I imagined she was. The Miss Howard who once saved her on a mission was now in tattered clothes, hair plastered to her face with blood and sweat. Utterly pathetic. What more could she possibly want?

I wanted to question her, but I didn't dare. I was afraid of upsetting Melissa, fearing Mom wouldn't even last her final days. I forced a fawning smile. "Melissa, long time no see."

She was more composed than I. "Audrey, you really didn't need to come all this way. Ive already forgiven you."

I looked up at her. Forgiven me? For throwing her phone when she was flirting with someone else's man, or for standing in the way of her becoming Mrs. Foster? I was momentarily dazed, just staring at her blankly.

Christian, however, suddenly flared up. "Melissa, in her great mercy, has forgiven you. Shouldn't you offer your thanks?"

It felt like a thousand arrows piercing my heart. I clenched my jaw, refusing to let the tears fall. The three words were ground between my teeth until my tongue bled, finally forcing themselves out in a broken whisper: "Th-thank... thank you..."

Christian averted his gaze, pulling out a black card and placing it in Melissa's palm. "There's fifty thousand in there. It's up to you whether you give it to her."

My eyes instantly lit up. With that money, Mom could live. I cast a hopeful glance at Melissa, but watched as she slowly closed her fingers around the card. Melissa's lips curled into a slight smile. "Audrey made the whole team laugh at me back then, and she made Christian misunderstand me. I can't just give her the money that easily, can I?"

Christian chuckled, playfully tapping her nose. "Whatever you wish."

I instantly panicked. Mom was waiting for that money to save her life. All my savings had been used to plug the holes in my family's finances. Now I was penniless, hounded by creditors and enemies. Mom's heart was already weak, and the shock had landed her in the ICU. This last chance was within reach, and I pleaded desperately, "Melissa, I'm so sorry. Punish me however you want, just please, help me."

Melissa tilted her head, pondering for a moment, then, with a playful glint, said, "How about this? Audrey, you bark a few times for me right here, and I'll give you the card, okay?" She smiled sweetly, but her words were laced with venom. "Make it sound convincing, though. I heard Audrey used to be so good at disguises and infiltration on missions, she could imitate anything."

Christian remained silent, standing beside Melissa as if to endorse her actions.

"Oh, you don't want to..." she said, feigning disappointment, as she started to tuck the card into her pocket. I immediately cried out, "I will!"

As the words left my mouth, she laughed triumphantly, her eyes curving in anticipation of my performance. I glanced at Christian, who remained impassive. My throat felt scraped raw, like sandpaper. It was just a few barks, but it felt like being stripped naked of all my dignity in public. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. My nails dug into my palms, the taste of blood spreading in my mouth.

"Woof..."

The first bark trembled out, my voice shaking.

"Woof woof..."

The second was clearer. A waiter in the hallway couldn't help but chuckle. "Sounds just like it," someone whispered.

Melissa laughed with satisfaction, then feigned regret, "Oh, Audrey, I was just kidding! Why did you actually do it?"

I didn't stop. I lowered my head and continued, "Woof... woof woof woof..." Each bark felt like a razor blade scraping my throat.

"Sigh..." Melissa sighed lightly, dropping the card at my feet. I bent down to pick it up, tears splattering onto the gilded surface.

Mom was saved.

Christian, I would never dare to love again.

I stood up, my voice low. "Thank you."

Christian's face darkened. He pushed Melissa's hand away and turned, walking back inside. "Christian..." she called, but he didn't look back. Melissa shot me an irritated glare. "Aren't you leaving?"

I clutched the card and walked out of the club. Behind me, I heard Melissa's friend's voice. "Melissa, are you really Christian's girlfriend? The Fosters are the most powerful family in the underworld!" The earlier unpleasantness vanished. Melissa raised an eyebrow triumphantly. "I told you, you didn't believe me." Her friend, excited, then asked, confused, "That Audrey just now, wasn't her relationship with Christian quite... special? And you just gave her fifty thousand for nothing?"

Melissa's eyes darkened slightly, and a smirk played on her lips. "Who said for nothing? I've already had someone anonymously upload the recording of what just happened to the internet."

"What recording?" Melissa chuckled. "Nothing much. Just Miss Howard, Audrey, barking like a dog at the club entrance. That's all."

The hospital wasn't far from the club. I ran quickly, feeling a sense of calm I hadn't known before. Mom, I'll be able to pay for your surgery soon, and take you out of here.

The ICU was on the seventh floor. I saw lights on that floor, figures moving at the nurses' station. I held up the card. "Doctor! I'm here to pay!" I wanted to shout the news for everyone to hear.

But the elevator doors opened to chaos. Doctors and nurses were rushing a patient on a bed toward the emergency room. "Patient suffered cardiac arrest from shock!"

I froze, then rushed to the payment counter, slamming the card down. "Payment! For Elizabeth Howard in ICU!"

The cashier glanced at me, then at the gurney, her eyes full of pity. She didn't take the card. I stood frozen. On that gurney, it was my mother.

Panic instantly seized my breath. "Mom!"

Death, I realized, descended so silently. I ran after the gurney, but was blocked outside the emergency room. Downstairs, ambulance sirens wailed, growing louder then fading away. The hospital suddenly grew chaotic.

"Listen to this audio circulating online! Miss Howard, Audrey, barking like a dog!"

"Oh my god, how could she end up like this..."

More and more people put on headphones. But I couldn't move. All the blood in my body instantly froze. I hammered on the emergency room door like a madwoman. All I saw was the flatline on the cardiac monitor.

"Mom! Mom!"

The world plunged into darkness. I couldn't understand why I had the money, but Mom was gone. That line lay silently on the screen. "Mama!" I cried until my voice broke. "Why didn't you wait for me... I got the money, I got it!" I pressed the black card against the door, babbling incoherently, "Look, Mama, look, it can save you..."

I cried. I screamed. That line never stirred again. I completely broke down. I didn't understand why hope could be so close, yet still be lost.